Over at Capital Edge, Felisha seemed to be concerned that the music was too jazzy and not pop-rocky enough. But don't worry, the lame factor was just right. Well, 'Lisha went and told the studio musicians to change up the arrangements... and they did. Okay, it wasn't the most exciting episode. What do you want me to do?

You know what this scene needs?

PASSION!

After a quick Felisha/Alla boogey-down session, we then caught up with Team Excel practicing their presentation, and behold! Jidé was wearing a patterned blazer! My gosh, Clay's gotten to him! Anyway, Rebecca attempted to read through her pitch, but midway through she was interrupted by Clay who pantomimed a sad violin. This, mind you, was coming from the man who wanted to write a song called "Why Me?"

Anyway, Capital Edge met with the execs first, and when one of the XM guys named Lee met Levi, he cracked this classic: "I'm Lee, no 'vi.'" Oh you! GOOD ONE, LEE!!

Lee No-Vi: If Horatio Sanz and Richard Dreyfuss had a lovechild...

We then paused the action momentarily so we could begin TrumpWatch 2005. Yes, in traditional, bombastic style, The Donald emerged from Trump Tower to commence his epic journey to the XM headquarters, and as the billionaire walked to his limo, he was greeted by well-wishers and tourists and old women with cameras. I'm surprised no peasants or serfs offered him their first born in exchange for a goat and a sack of grains -- or at least the opportunity to gaze upon his most powerful coif.

Back at the XM studios, Capital Edge premiered Levi's song on XM Café -- the preferred station amongst 45 year old men who still think Santana duets are hip. It was sort of cool hearing the finished product, and the best way to describe "Nothing Can Be Everything" is Maroon 5 meets crap. Or should I say, Maroon 5 meets even more crap. Basically, if Eagle Eye Cherry were still around, he'd LOVE this song.

Well, the listeners -- at least the ones we heard -- seemed to really dig this incredibly average song as they heaped the platitudes on strong. Then again, these were probably all of Levi's friends and family; so it didn't really count in my book. Next up was Excel, who had this whole rehearsed presentation ready to go. Basically, Rebecca was going to talk up Jidé and then at a certain point, Clay was to open the door and in would walk the Nigerian Seal/Lenny Kravitz. Sounds easy, right? Well, let's not forget we've got Claymarosa on the task. Rebecca began addressing the execs, and after about thirty seconds, Clay arbitrarily opened the door, causing confusion and awkwardness as Jidé walked in. Instead of a grand entrance, the entire thing looked shoddy, almost as if Jidé had been late for the presentation. And let's not forget how unprofessional it looked to have Rebecca trail off her speech quietly amidst it all. Smooth. Real smooth.

Nevertheless, Rebecca persevered and continued to pitch Jidé so aggressively, she bordered on tyrannical. HIS MUSIC IS REALLY GOOD. YOU WILL LIKE HIS MUSIC!!! Unfortunately, Excel hit another roadblock as Randal of all people presented a poster with incorrect information about XM Café. Oh man. This ship is sinking faster than... the FASTEST SINKING SHIP IN THE WORLD!!! Let's just get to the music.

Well, the Jidé song was certainly livelier than the Levi tune, but it was also regrettably more boring, if that makes any sense. The lack of any good hook probably didn't help, and soon enough Lee No-Vi leaned into his associate and mumbled, "Not a perfect match." Ouch. Lee No-Vi is gonna take them DOWN!

Finally, it was time to hear from the people, and sure enough, the people were not happy. "I thought it was a little bit formulaic," said one caller. "It was okay, I didn't really hear any lyrics," said another. Hmmm... maybe Levi's family and friends were still calling in.

Eventually, Trump showed up in time to anoint a winner. The head XM exec clearly was inarticulate because he had to render his decision via a prolonged V.O., a practice normally reserved for The Donald. Unsurprisingly, Capital Edge took home the victory, and as a reward, the team earned a helicopter ride with Trump around Manhattan. We then cut to everyone piling into a helicopter where Trump bellowed to a pilot, "Circle 40 Wall Street! Circle the Empire State Building! Circle Trump World Tower opposite the United Nations. AND the United Nations!" In other news, Mark Burnett has just announced the latest spin-off, The Apprentice: Circlin'.

As the group headed into the friendly skies, Trump bragged, "If you did this in a car, it would take you all day. But it's gonna take us twenty minutes." Oh great. A twenty minute reward. Yay. Remember when they used to give winners diamonds and caviar? Those were the days.

Anyway, the tour went on without incident; although, there was one odd moment. "Now here's a beauty that's coming up," Trump said in an introductory way, adding, "It's the Empire State Building." Wow, what is this crazy "Empire State Building" that you mention? Surely it must be some hidden gem in the city!

Well, enough with all this helicopter mumbo jumbo. We've got a Boardroom to prepare for. Randal expressed some concern that his typo would cost him his job, but let's be serious. There's no way Trump is gonna cut Randal in favor of Clay, at least not at this critical stage of the game.

Posted by B-side on November 22, 2005 3:51 AM