Now For Something Pleasant - 
by B-side
Going into this week's episode of The Apprentice, a certain level of suspense hung in the air. At least for me. After all, it was the final four, and we had basically three capable people and, well, Felisha. The odds were that Randal and Rebecca would surely dominate Alla and Felisha (or A&F, as I like to call them. I'm a big Abercrombie & Fitch acronym punster), but seeing that this is The Apprentice, you never really know which team will ever win any given task. Let's not forget when a quadruple firing turned the Excel dream team into the Excel reamed team. So would such a surprise happen again? Would Randal and Rebecca inexplicably falter, letting sweet but weak Felisha sneak into the final three?
The episode began with Alla eagerly awaiting the return of her teammates up in the suite. She asked Randal and Rebecca who they thought would be coming back, but Randal simply replied, "If anybody could have any insight, it would be you." Shut up, RANDAL! Just answer the question!
Well, Alla was soon put out of her suspense as Felisha returned all full of tears and giant-foreheaded emotion. The two surviving Capital Edgers embraced tightly, and when this Lifetime Intimate Portrait moment ended, the final four headed off to Grand Central for a celebratory dinner. The quartet chatted it up over oysters and various crustaceans from the sea, and Randal asked the table what everyone had given up to be there. Alla commented that she's been missing her ten-month old taking his first steps. Aw, that's sort of sad. As for Randal, "Clearly, I've given up time with my wife." CLEARLY. Don't try to one-up the baby. It just won't happen. Baby always beats wife.
The next morning, Rhona called up on the banana dildo phone and told the teams to meet Trump at Nasdaq. Sure thing, Rhone-meister! We then cut to Trump at Nasdaq talking to various unnamed executives. "Well, I use a lot of Microsoft, and it works; so I'm very happy," he said, apparently never having tried the new XBOX 360 (Zing! Video game dis! Hey Microsoft, maybe you should prove me wrong and send me a complimentary system. What do you think?).
Well, the teams eventually filed in, and the bad news was that Bill Rancic was filling in for George again, but the good news was that Trump was in full hyperbole mode. Actually, when you talk about Microsoft, there really isn't such a thing as hyperbole, is there? Nevertheless, Trump told us that Bill Gates's little company "has a value of almost $300 billion." Wow. Incidentally, just talking about Microsoft is a THIRTY BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY!
Anyway, Trump introduced us to two charming execs, and hey, is that Cathy Moriarity? Oh wait. Never mind. That's just Janice from Microsoft. Really got excited there for a moment. But I digress. This week's task was to make a sixty-second promotional video for Microsoft Live Meeting, new software whose functionality we'd have hammered into our heads fifty million times by the end of the hour. Well, Felisha wanted to be Project Manager, which meant we had to sit through her and Alla saying "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I am. Unless you want it. But I really want it." "No, I want you to have it. I just want you to be sure." "I am sure. Are you okay with that?" "Yes, as long as it's something that you want to do." And so on for about ten minutes.
Eventually, Felisha assumed the throne, and then she and Alla went off to meet with their production staff. Oddly enough, they brought with them two large suitcases. Were they planning on spending the night? A little slumber party in the editing suite? Well, as soon as the two women arrived at the production offices, Alla pretty much took charge. You see, in the commercial, Felisha chose to be the actress because she claimed she was the better thespian, and as a result, she tasked Alla with being the director. "That was a tough decision because being an actress is a subordinate position to being a director," Felisha said. "I mean, I was the Project Manager. I didn't want someone else having all the creative control." Um, so... be the director, not the actress.
As expected, Felisha and Alla immediately bumped heads. I mean, that's what'll happen when the Project Manager takes a subordinate role and then still expects to have higher authority. The two women tried to be as polite and civil as possible, reiterating that they just want to collaborate, but the power structure of this team only called for pure gridlock. And uh oh. I spy a Bill Rancic lurking in the shadows! Yes, our favorite Trump poster boy quietly observed the Capital Edge mess, but he interpreted the situation as Alla being too difficult. "It's almost impossible for Felisha to be the leader with her in the group," he said. Dude, Alla's just being a director! Oh whatever. These two are destined for failure. No use in getting emotionally attached.
Over on Excel, Rebecca had stepped up to be Project Manager, and her vision for the promotional video was to show a guy flipping out as he tried to organize himself for a meeting, all while attempting to catch a plane. And just when everything seems dire and gloomy, Microsoft Live Meeting saves the day. Yay!
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