Okay, enough stalling. Let's get to the fun stuff. Time for the presentations. First up was Excel, and I was more than excited. The spot began with Randal flipping out in his office, and while this was certainly amusing (I could listen to "Gosh, I hate waiting for these large files!" all day long), the best part was the tragic, somber, and overly dramatic music in the background. Yes, if Randal doesn't get his large file soon, THERE WILL BE A HOLOCAUST!!! Anyway, Randal amusing fussed out of the office and then appeared in an empty conference room where he found Rebecca waiting. "Where is everybody? We were expecting at least forty people!" his character asked.

"I know," Rebecca's character replied as the music reached new levels of pathos. "Delays out of the Chicago airport. Most people didn't even make it on the flight."

And then the icing on the cake. Randal's character gravely replied, "Oh my goodness." OH THE HUMANITY!!! NO ONE MADE IT TO THE MEETING!!! THEY ALL DIED!! AND THEIR BABIES TOO!!! AND THE TITANIC SANK!! AND SO DID THE LUSITANIA!!! THE HORROR!!!

All that was missing was for Randal to yell "NOOOOOO!!!!" to the heavens above with hands outstretched and camera floating away from him.

Of course, the music became all perky and happy corporate as the presentation introduced Microsoft Live Meeting into the mix. Looks like everything will be A-OK!

Next up to present were Alla and Felisha, who took the extra step to wear matching outfits. How cute and unnecessary. Well, their video started on a lovely infomercial note as it asked the audience questions like "Always on a business trip?" I personally enjoyed when the spot asked, "Frustrated?" and then cut to Felisha tossing papers all over her office. Funny, I do the exact same thing. You know, just throw papers around. The presentation also asked if people were tired of spending all that money on business trips, and this was followed with an image of Felisha in a trench coat handing over some cash to a cabbie. Was she buying drugs or something? Sketchy!

Then suddenly the video became the world's fastest Powerpoint demonstration as small text zoomed on and off the screen before anyone could even read two words. By the end, the execs were left with nothing to say but our old favorite euphemism: "Interesting." Sure enough, Excel won the task hands down, and for a reward, they'd get to sail around Manhattan on a yacht.

Later that night, Alla and Felisha went out for a consolation dinner, but that basically turned into a venue for Felisha to sniffle and cry while Alla watched bored and annoyed.

"I actually look down on people who, you know, get depressed. I don't relate to that mentality. All I can do is just sit there and laugh," she said. Sounds like someone's been hanging out with Toral. Oh those depressed people. They're so cute. They'd make lovely assistants.

The next day, Randal and Rebecca (or Randecca) boarded the yacht, and oh look! Family members! The two were joined by Rebecca's boyfriend Matt and Randal's wife Zahara, or as I like to call her, ZATHURA! The two couples hugged and kissed and said how much they loved each other. It was very nice. Anyhoo...

Back at the suite, Felisha attempted that most futile of pre-Boardroom exercises by telling Alla that whatever goes on in the Boardroom will not be personal, just honest. Okay, whatever. Meanwhile, Alla was brimming with confidence as she told us, "I think it'll be a lot easier on Felisha as a person to just accept the fact that she failed and just pack it up and go home." As Trump would say, Whoa whoa! That's a bold statement to say. Might this be misdirection??

Anyway, the ladies headed down to the Boardroom, and when Trump emerged, he said, "I know you hate to lose, Alla. You HATE to lose!" Alla HATES to lose. Oh wait, Trump already said that. Well, Trump commenced his scrutiny of Felisha, and honestly, had Alla just shut her mouth, this would have been very open and shut. But instead, Alla attacked with the sort of self-serving comments Trump and especially Carolyn hate. "She would tell me something to do, but then when I was doing it too well, she would tell me to stop being so good at it," Alla said. Carolyn sensed that she wasn't taking any responsibility for the loss, but Alla replied that she was, but since it was a collaborative effort, it wasn't only on her shoulders. Ah, but then if it was a collaboration, then Alla shouldn't be any less accountable than Felisha, Carolyn noted. Touché, Ms. Kepcher!

Eventually, the notion that Alla was just too difficult to lead became a major topic of discussion. I personally hadn't seen any evidence of that, and Alla should have simply said her record was flawless in that department (which she did say) and that Felisha put her in a position (as director) that required her to be more of a leader than the typical subordinate. Unfortunately, Alla was all over the map and was particularly brutal to Felisha, constantly interrupting her every few words. "But you are difficult," Trump said at one point. "I mean, let's face it. My parents sent me to military academy. They said I was very difficult, okay? I disagreed with them, but you know, they were probably right." And that concludes this week's vignette from the Trump Family Discord Theatre.

Hoping to make sense of the whole mess, Trump requested to see the video presentation, and when it was over, he felt there was too much text. Felisha noted that it was Alla's idea to chop up the video with words, causing Alla to balk, "Are you kidding me?" Well, she's not lying.

"Felisha, shame on you!" Alla then retorted, and knowing Felisha, she'd probably feel shame.

Posted by B-side on December 6, 2005 4:48 PM