Just when it seemed like Rebecca would have no shot at beating out Randal, the momentum then shifted. Carolyn stated that Rebecca threw an amazing event, but as for Randal's: "If I'm gonna have a party in my backyard, I'm gonna check the weather forecast." And by the way, I totally want to go to Carolyn's backyard party.

George then asked Josh what mistakes Randal made. The smug former-candidate said that Randal had no Plan B, didn't check the weather, and didn't manage time as effectively as he could have. "Any others? Because I'll give you a couple!" George lashed back. OUCH! Mr. Ross is on fire! Ultimately, George complained that the celebrity guests were all interspersed in the crowd where not everyone could see or recognize them. They should have been on stage! When George worked at a soda jerk and a celebrity came in, they'd put him on the counter. On the counter, I tell you!

But what about Toral? She'd been too quiet during this whole thing. Well, not for long. She trumpeted Rebecca's loyalty and integrity, something that caused Donald to said, "I loved it. I LOVED IT!" He's a licensed joyologist, FYI. Toral then finished up her comments by declaring, "I think Rebecca's a better human being than I am." Wow, and you know that takes a lot for Toral to say that. It just goes to show that you never know what'll happen when you fill Toral up with PASSION!!

Ultimately, Trump seemed stumped. "Basically, I am stuck with two stars. And I want to thank you because you're all stars also." Aww, that was nice. But I don't think he was talking about you, Toral. Well, everyone filed out of the Boardroom, and as they all hugged Rebecca and Randal, Mark was ever so kind to give a special wave to little Miss Robin. He must have wooed her with his Rembrandt Toothpaste smile.

Another commercial break later, we returned to Alice Tully Hall where we spied a chesty Melania sitting in her usual waxen state, most likely craving the delectable taste of chicken parmesan again. And by "chicken parmesan," I mean "a couple million dollars."

"Where am I?"

Anyway, back to the Boardroom. Randal and Rebecca then headed inside for their last big battle, and for the most part, it was the same blah-blah-blah all over again. Randal touted his record, and Rebecca cited her toughness. Trump then grilled Rebecca for not meeting him at the car, and then he lambasted Randal for holding his event in a crappy room. Things became a little more interesting when Trump then came down on Rebecca about her lack of fundraising, and when Trump asked who was the client -- Yahoo or the charity, Randal was happy to jump in and say that he had viewed the charity as his client. WELL, Randal! Riddle me this: can you face the fire of Carolyn? Me no think so!

Yes, Carolyn cut right to the chase and asked the question we all wanted to know: "Why didn't you check the weather forecast?" Randal explained that there was only a 30% chance of flowers [ed. note -- clearly this is a typo, but I'm keeping it because it's quite lovely, isn't it?], causing Carolyn to balk, "30% chance. If there was 10%, I'd have a Plan B."

But don't worry, Carolyn. There was a Plan B. Sort of. "We had the beginning of a Plan B," Randal explained. Oh, well, then that's okay! And when George pressed him on this point, Randal simply repeated himself with a hint of exasperation: "We had the beginnings of a Plan B!" I don't understand why they don't get it. He had part of a plan. Doesn't that count for anything anymore?

Well, in the end, Randal boasted about his record again, and Rebecca said that Randal overthinks things too much, and at long last, we were ready to go live and have the final final Boardroom. After a lame video package about her background, Rebecca stepped out on stage and waved aggressively as if she were about to perform on American Idol. She didn't look that much different. Her hair was bigger, her crutches were gone, and her suit was kind of ugly, but that still didn't stop a shocked Trump from saying, "WHOA!"

Next up was Randal, whom Trump introduced as "a Rhodes Scholar from OXford!" Sadly, text really doesn't do justice to the oddly aggressive way he emphasized "Oxford." Just trust me, it was classic Trump blaring. As Randal walked out, various people, particularly the fired candidates, cheered "Randal! Randal! Randal!" which I thought was a little tacky. But then again, this is a reality show, not a cocktail party.

Unfortunately, before the two finalists could duke it out one last time, Trump had to poll the cast first. As expected, Toral put on her PASSION face and defended Rebecca vehemently. "I love the way you're defending her because she defended you. And I love what you're doing. This is the first time I like you, Toral," Trump said. Hey now! How could you not love Toral? It's TORAL: a woman determined not to bring shame upon her family by accepting any duties that belong to a social station below her.

Happiness.

Surprise.

PASSION!

Anyway, Marshawn delivered an eloquent pro-Randal comment next, which was greeted by strong applause. Trump then called upon Jennifer M., whose hair seemed to have gone from large to enormous. She too endorsed Randal. I don't really remember what she said though because I was still trying to figure out whether or not she'd been my flight attendant on my most recent trip to New York. I think she was. And if so, I'd just like to say "thank you" for the extra cookie.

"Mr. Trump, I'd like to remind you to return your seat to its upright position."

Posted by B-side on December 16, 2005 8:04 PM