Anyway, Tammy began delegating tasks to her minions, and when she asked who felt comfortable pitching to executives, Brent happily raised his hand. One problem: no one trusted Brent as far as they could throw him. Heck, they didn't trust him as far as they could roll him (which was about a millimeter). Tammy condescendingly told Brent that she wouldn't have him talk to the execs and instead would prefer him to... coordinate clothes instead. Keep in mind that this task involved no clothing coordination whatsoever. Well, Brent understood what was going on, but he quietly went with the flow, offering up his services in the brainstorming department instead. Unfortunately, that didn't go so well either. He kept pushing weigh-loss angles for the billboard, and while that was all cool and everything, after the forty-fifth weight-loss idea, his team was growing quite weary of the whole idea.

Luckily, Allie reached deep into her Daddy Issues and came up with this Freudian idea: "What about a picture of, say, somebody that looks like our father passing the Grapenuts down to, say, someone in their thirties?" She then added, "And how about, say, that father tells his daughter that, say, he's always loved her and been proud of her and only drank because he was lonely. And he loves her so much. So so much. He's so sorry for leaving. So sorry for everything!" And with that, Allie ran from the room, crying, "Poppa! Poppa! Don't leave me again!!!"

Okay, none of that happened, but Allie really did propose the father/daughter thing, and the team surprisingly liked it. Apparently they had lost sight of the fact that they were marketing an active, trail-mix brand, not a Werther's Original commercial.

Nevertheless, the team's excitement over the idea climaxed when Tammy came up with her populist slogan: "Finally, a cereal for everybody!" Who knew that Grapenuts could be so Marxist?

I had to admit, the slogan really worked for me. I mean, how many times do I go to the supermarket and think, "I wish there were a cereal not just for me, but for everybody!" Finally, my wishes have come true.

Around this time, Ivanka came in to cast her waxen gaze upon the group. She noticed how Brent had been relegated to the corner, and predicted that this strategy would surely blow up in the team's face. Sure enough, we then found Brent talking to Tammy quietly about how he felt he could better serve the team by presenting to the execs. And once again, the Project Manager patronizingly rebuffed him, saying, "Since we're not really going the weight loss direction, I don't know if that's the image we want to project to the executives." It was kind of her way of saying, "You are enormously fat. I am embarrassed by your massive girth."

This understandably offended Brent, who then told us that when it came to Tammy, "I can't stand her face!" To be fair, the only faces he can stand are people who look like chocolate glazed crullers.

We then went to commercial, and when we returned, Trump taught us about the fine art of the kiss. No, we didn't then see him and Melania swapping spit (eww). Instead, The Donald spoke the old phrase, "Keep It Simple, Stupid!" Sort of a self-explanatory lesson -- do I really need to explain it? Anyway, we knew the winning team would be keeping it simple and/or stupid, and about two seconds later, it became abundantly clear that Gold Rush was in fact keeping it simple. We could tell because Lee kept saying, "Let's keep it simple."

Charmaine was the Project Manager of Gold Rush, and after the thrashing she got in the Boardroom last week, she was out to prove that she was a strong leader. So far, she actually seemed in control and self-possessed, as opposed to Theresa's manic "GET ME A HORSE AND CARRIAGE!" rampage last time around. Everything seemed to be great. The only problem: no idea. As the clock ticked away, the teammates scratched their heads and tried to think of something noteworthy. I desperately hoped Lenny would come up with some idea like "Grapenuts in a bowl. There. Simple. Simpler than the Earth and the moon and the sea." But it was Bryce who eventually came up with the winning concept: someone chugging a box of Grapenuts.

"Lezz do it," Lenny said. And thus it was approved. Lenny's the best.

Back at Synergy, the crack team of Allie, Roxanne, and Sean were scouring the streets, trying to find models for their Daddy-Daughter billboard. They eventually pulled aside a pretty, young woman with a red umbrella who at first seemed guarded about modeling, but seriously -- what sort of woman toting a red umbrella can resist the charms of a British accent? That's right. None. Next, the trio had to find some father figures, and for whatever strange reason, Allie kept picking men who were about 33 or 35. I'll just assume that's how old Allie's dad was before he left the family to join the Grapenuts circus.

Meanwhile, Gold Rush's search for America's Next Top Apprentice Model was short and sweet. Tarek immediately found a woman on the street and said to her, "Excuse me, Miss. Can I ask you something that's going to be totally shady? Do you speak English?" Well, who can deny a pitch like that? The woman fluttered her eyes and agreed to take part in the photo shoot, happily climbing into the big, white van with Tarek and his teammates. Now, that didn't seem very smart. What if they were Scientologists? What if they were abducting her? Stranger things have happened.

Over at Synergy, Andrea was leading up the billboard's graphic design, much to Brent's dismay. Every idea that he had, she merely rolled her eyes and scoffed at Tammy, as if to say, "Why is this fat man talking to me? Doesn't he realize that I'm SKINNY???"

Posted by B-side on March 21, 2006 1:54 PM