Well, branding was the name of the game this week, and what lucky company would get to see their brand put through the wringer, courtesy of some inexperienced corporate wannabes? Why, that honor befell Arby's -- a fast food chain famous for their roast beef, and, well, not much else, right? Oooh -- that special sauce. Yeah, that shit is good. Memo to self: eat Arby's for lunch tomorrow.

Anyway, I'm not the only one who has occasional cravings for Arby's. Even Mr. Trump has been known to indulge is some sweet, sweeet roast beef. "I know them all too well because I happen to love their roast beef sandwiches," he said, adding, "In many ways, I wish Melania were a roast beef sandwich. But she's not. What can you do? Life isn't fair."

For this week's challenge, teams had to create a musical jingle that would promote the new chicken sandwiches at Arby's. J-Unit would like to mention here that he's eaten the chicken sandwiches at Arby's (in lovely Baker, CA, home of the world's tallest thermometer). He says they are quite good. Nay, very good. Okay, basically, he was foaming at the mouth. You get the point. If nothing else, this whole episode will have increased Arby's business by two people; so hey, that's gotta be worth something, right?

Well, getting back to the challenge at hand, teams had to create a jingle -- and of course I immediately thought of one thing: could they possibly top The Rubble Man? Of course not. Let's not talk crazy. Nay, FREEEAKIN crazy. "Medium pimp got girls around the world..."

Trump then said that "Each jingle will be performed live in a 'uuuuge crowd," a prospect so exciting that Lenny's eyes bulged at the word "'uuuuge!"

Speaking of bulging eyes, we then met the robotic executives from Arby's, who Trump introduced by saying, "Your names, please?" That's the third week in a row that he's done that. He doesn't even freakin' know the execs anymore! Weak. Well, the first executive faced the teams and said, "GOOD MORNING. DEBBIE PIKE, ARBY'S CHIEF MARKETING OFFICER." Wow, how very Miss America finalist. Continuing the pageant theme was the next guy who said, "GOOD MORNING. DOUG BENHAM. ARBY'S CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER." He pretty much sounded exactly like the first woman, except every other syllable, he flared his eyes as if he were casting some delicious Arby's spell on the crowd. I don't remember what else these two said -- if anything at all -- because honestly, I was transfixed on the random, inexplicable, and wistful image of Melania in the background, smiling in Donald's arms, her right boob quietly covered by Debbie's head.

With the task assigned, we then caught up with Gold Rush at the apartment (and as rules of The Apprentice go, first team profiled loses the task). Anyway, doom hung in the air as Charmaine called the Arby's execs and arranged a meeting at 10:15 AM. We then cut to a clock which read 9:40. Only thirty-five minutes to get to the meeting? That doesn't even take into account ten minutes of traffic and forty-five minutes of team idiocy. This surely would end badly for the team.

Anyway, Charmaine told Bryce that the meeting was at 10:15 AM (specifically, she said "10:15. So we need to leave in the next ten or fifteen minutes"), but by 10:10 AM, the group still hadn't left yet. Trump was sure to have a field day with this. Over on Synergy, however, everything was fine and dandy -- emphasis on "dandy." Yes, slick Brit Sean had stepped up to be Project Manager, and from what we could see, everyone was getting along like bangers and mash. The team actually arrived on time (what a concept!) and CEO Bulgy Eyes greeted them with a silly joke: "Welcome to Arby's. How may we help you?" HILARIOUS. Of course, this caused all of the Synergy drones to roll over with laughter before they firmly inserted their noses up the executives' asses.

Synergy asked many questions about the brand and the new chicken line, etc., and then it was Gold Rush's turn to meet with the execs. One problem: it was 10:35 AM and still no sign of the team. Yes, they were twenty minutes late, but at least they were enjoying a productive conversation in the van. "Jingle. What is jingle?" Lenny asked. He then added, "Is it like blimp? Because I ride blimp."

Okay, he didn't say that last part, but Lenny truly had no idea what a jingle was, which had me wondering if he'd ever tuned into pop culture ever. Well, as Charmaine and others tried to describe this tricky concept to The Russian, the team eventually arrived at the Arby's meeting where the execs laid on the passive-aggressive guilt: "Did you get lost?"

Now, instead of laughing it off and apologizing, Bryce simply swallowed and replied, "Did we get lost? Uh... Leslie's compiled a bunch of questions here, and I'm gonna let her run down. And please answer what you can." Ouch. First he responded to the exec as if he had five heads, then he didn't even apologize, and THEN he coldly made demands! Pure disaster.

Posted by B-side on April 4, 2006 2:19 PM