Anyway, at the Knitting Factory, Sean gathered his team around and led a typically annoying rah-rah-rah cheer. His band then rocked through the Synergy jingle, which was so lively, even Trump was dancing. And if you've never seen Trump dance before (like he did on SNL), then this was quite the sight. He made Julie Chen look limber. By the way -- the two of them should totally do Dancing with the Stars.

"I forgot the lyrics. Something about Arby's? SHIT!"

With Synergy's jingle such a success, Bryce developed a sheen of sweat on his forehead. And for good reason. The Gold Rush jingle was a total dud in its silliness. Not even Trump was cuttin' a rug. Plus, in the oddest move of all, at the end of this retro-ditty, a dude with an electrical guitar came out of nowhere and immediately went all Hendrix on the crowd. It didn't help that the Gold Rush jingle also failed to mention that Chicken Naturals were only available at Arby's, a key point the execs wanted to convey. Well, no use beating around the bush. Synergy obviously won the competition, and as their reward, they got to enjoy a six course truffle tasting menu. Wow, not too shabby! (Then again, anything's awesome as long as it doesn't involve fitting unemployed men in business suits.)

"It's more expensive than Arby's, but personally, I enjoy Arby's," Trump told the winning team, quietly pocketing a check from Arby's in the process. I wonder if Melania partakes in Arby's as well. I always pegged her as more of the Taco Bell type.

"Yo Quiero Donald Trump."

The next day, Synergy headed to a ritzy restaurant in the famed Essex House Hotel where a very creepy maitre d' / vampire showed them to their table. Sean flirted with all the girls, as usual, and even flexed his American accent, which sounded pretty much like a British person's version of a Texan. Okay, basically nothing interesting happened here, so let's just go back to Gold Rush.

"If I may, I vant to suck your blood -- as an apéritif, bien sûr."

With the team facing its second firing in a row, Bryce decided to call everyone together and have a little powwow. He complimented everyone for working so well as a team and putting aside their differences (except Lee, but that's because he was at synagogue). This caused Charmaine to cry (then again, dropping a butter knife will cause her to cry), and even Bryce seemed to get a little choked up. "There is no way that I will back-stab and connive and humiliate," he naively told his team. We'll see how long that lasts...

Suddenly we saw lightning (RAH!) striking the city, surely a harbinger of future violent spats. However, the Boardroom started off rather tamely this evening. Trump asked what went wrong, and Bryce said the other team beat them by the quality of their jingle. He pinpointed Tarek for coming up with the music and the girls for writing the lyrics. But should they be fired? Absolutely not, according to Bryce. You see, Lenny had contributed the least to the task, and therefore, he should be the one to go, reasoned Bryce. Well, Trump was mildly confused as to why Lenny had so little to offer. "In Russia, they don't have jingles?" he asked. Duh. Of course not. Who needs jingles when you can have cold and despair? Silly Trump.

"I'm the first Russian jingle writer, actually," Lenny said, causing polite laughter throughout the Boardroom. It would have been all amusing and great had Bill not then ruined the party by asking Lenny how he could be in the United States for fourteen years and not know what a jingle was. To which Lenny replied, "I was riding in blimp. I don't know jingle. Blimp. I know blimp!"

Well, Trump may have been a little peeved at Lenny, but he became outright annoyed when he learned that the team arrived twenty-five minutes late to their meeting with the Arby's executives. This led to more Bryce grilling, but then suddenly The Donald veered off-topic, questioning Lee about his choice to observe Yom Kippur. He asked if it was fair that he's essentially had a bye twice now. Lee defended himself quite well, saying that he understood if he had to go home, but he wasn't about to sacrifice his religious obligations. This then led to a random Trump rant about live not being fair, one that ultimately ended on the sour note, "Life sucks, you know that?" Whoa, whoa. Let's not be overdramatic. Even Carolyn couldn't help but giggle a little bit.

Anyway, it was clear that Trump was just talking for the sake of talking at this point, but he finally returned to the matters at hand and told Bryce to pick two people to return with him to the Boardroom. Obviously, he chose Lenny, but in an unwise and bizarre move, he also picked... Lee? Yup, Lee. I think he sensed blood in the water when Trump grilled Lee about having a bye for a second time, but still, this was a dumb move. I mean, no one could believe it. If you pick someone to go back with you, and Trump seems totally incredulous, chances are you should change your decision. But Bryce was resolute and insisted that Lenny and Lee return with him. You could almost feel the noose slowly closing in on Bryce's neck.

Well, the team stepped out of the Boardroom, and of course, Charmaine immediately broke into tears. She must carry a vial of chopped onions around her neck. She and the other safe teammates all headed up to the suite, and for once, Gold Rush was all polite to each other. Man, this sucks. What happened to the good old days of constant squabbling and bitch fights? Bryce really screwed up this team.

Posted by B-side on April 4, 2006 2:19 PM