From The Russian With Love - 
by B-side
What's more fun than an episode of The Apprentice? How about two episodes of the Apprentice. Yes, NBC gave us a double dose of Donald last night, which meant I was stuck in front of the TV for a whopping five (sigh) hours -- Prison Break, 24, two hours of The Apprentice, and Sunday's Sopranos. It was quite the TVgasm. So much so that my brain pretty much exploded by the end of the night, and the only mental concepts I was able to string together were basic sentences like "Pretty cat" and "Nice horsey." Why I was talking about random animals is beyond me. Point is that I've now gotten a replenishing five and a half hours of sleep, and with any luck, my mental acuity has returned. Nevertheless, in an effort not to overtax my brain, I've decided to parse last night's Apprentice mini marathon into two different posts. It'll probably better for both you and me. This way you won't have to spent 45 minutes reading a super-sized recap, and I'll be able to preserve my sanity. If I push myself too hard, I'll just be stuck writing a dumb post about clouds and the color orange. Hey, that might not be too bad.
Anyway, last night's episode began right on the tail-end of Deal or No Deal. Poor NBC. They're trying to hard to revive The Apprentice so hard that they're literally forcing it down people's unsuspecting throats. Soon the show will probably begin before Howie even says goodbye to us. It'll just appear on the giant LCD screen in the background. Nevertheless, the first thing we saw was Leslie feeling sad and sniffling. She was worried that she'd have to say goodbye to a friend, and who likes that? If only she could have seen her friend, Bryce, at that moment. He was self-destructing in the most entertaining way down in the Boardroom. It was a wonderful moment for the shot-in-the-foot annals, probably only trumped (heh) by season two's Bradford giving up his immunity and season three's Brian stating that he should be fired. Anyway, as we saw last week, Bryce was sent packing, and returning to the suite was the triumphant duo of Lenny and Lee, or as I like to call them, Leenny (or Lenlee or Lennee -- take your pick). Lenny then told us that he would be Project Manager for the next task, something that got me incredibly excited. Visions of him bossing people around in broken English was all I could really hope for. I had been fearing that Lenny would be gone before we could really see the true debacle of his management skills, but now, I could rest easily knowing that we'd soon be completing the total Lenny experience.
Well, if there was anyone who was sure Lenny would be the man of the hour, it was Lenny. "We're going to bury team Synergy in their graves," he said. And he probably meant it too. We suddenly cut to flashbacks of Lenny as a child growing up in Siberia, waiting in line three hours for stale bread, covering dead people on the streets with old bedsheets, hiding from the Nazis in a pickle barrel. Okay, I'm mixing my 20th century despair imagery. I better get back to the recap.
The next morning, teams went directly to the task. They did not pass Go and did not collect a morning phone call from Rhona (bitch was probably out doing her nails. Slacker). Anyway, we found the group standing around in one of Trump's high-rises, and just in case any wayward plaster were to fall and cause massive head trauma (as it did to one Omarosa MANIGAULT-STALLWORTH), everyone was fitted with nifty hardhats, which made people like Sean and Allie look particularly dumb.
Trump then engaged in some casual bragging as he blared, "I bought 40 Wall Street for one million dollars!" It should be noted that buying buildings for one million dollars is a THIRTY BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY!!! This week, Trump was joined by Bill Rancic again as well as Carolyn, who was rockin' quite the miniskirt. She's just one step away from a Maxim cover shoot with that sort of outfit. Grrrowl!
Anyway, enough babbling about Carolyn and her sexy, sexy miniskirt. It's time for some old-fashioned product placement. Please, Donald. Continue.
"A great company is ACE HARDWARE!" he yelled at the group. I guess Home Depot didn't feel like playing ball this season. Either that, or when Mark Burnett went there to see if they were interested in sponsoring another task, the execs just sent him from aisle to aisle for three hours until he finally left. Anyway, for this week's task, the teams would renovate a room in a Boys and Girls Club using supplies from Ace... and their heart (awww). The spaces would be judged by execs from Ace and the Boys and Girls Club, and teams would have to score well on creativity, functionality, and how well the upgrades appeal to the execs. Because let's face it: the people who'll be using these rooms the most are really the suits.
With their task at hand, Trump then signed off by saying, "Do a great job for the kids!" We then cut to Tarek with his biggest shit-eating grin ever. I never knew Orlando Bloom could look so goofy. Then again, I'd never seen Orlando Bloom in a hardhat.
The first team we caught up with was Gold Rush as they sat together and pondered the theme of their room. Lenny liked the idea of focusing on music, and while he tried to come up with design ideas, Charmaine noted that the execs would be arriving at any second -- maybe they should think of some questions for them? Nyet! Lenny is project manager, not Charmaine. You be quiet now!
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