This week's circus began back in the Boardroom with Andrea getting fired all over again. We were reminded how Sean broke ranks and suggested that Allie be fired -- something I had a feeling would come back to haunt him this week. Anyway, up in the suite, the Gold Rush members happily enjoyed this rare evening out of the Board Room by preparing a lavish lobster dinner, courtesy of Chef Tarek. While he slaved away, Lee couldn't help pondering, "Where are the Synergists?" Oh, you know, right in the middle of a passive-aggressive meltdown. Yes, Synergy returned to suite, and while it was all cheers and hugs at first, it only took about three seconds before Allie began taking swipes at Sean. "My team right here," she said, "If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be here." But what about Sean? "He's kind of a fence sitter, but kind of went over to the dark side," Allie told the group -- in front of Sean. Ah, unsheathe the daggers now.

With tensions brewing, Sean and the girls all sat down and had a powwow. It was one of these wonderfully polite and restrained discussions -- the type where you know everyone just wants to yell and pull hair and kick and scream. Nevertheless, Allie faulted Sean for having some sort of ulterior motive in the boardroom as opposed to her who was as clean as a whistle. "I don't necessarily have a strategy," Allie said. Yes, she just happened to have organized the group against Andrea in an effort to save her own ass, but that's not really a strategy per se. Gosh, you people and your labels!

Anyway, no matter what Sean said, the women were totally incapable of understanding why he had spoken out against Allie in the Boardroom (for those of you who may have forgotten, it was because she had been a terrible leader on the task). This drove the Brit absolutely bonkers, and soon he was getting all shrill and fussy. Let me tell you something: you haven't seen annoying until you've seen Sean shrill and fussy.

The self-delusion continued as Allie explained to Sean, "Just because Roxanne and I are super tight and Tammy and I are tight, we are not here to tell you who you should go after or what your opinions should be." Yes, just because we're all a TIGHT-KNIT ALLIANCE doesn't mean you should LISTEN TO US. I mean, you're free to come up with your own opinions. Just make sure they're the same as ours! Seriously, if Allie didn't want to tell Sean who he should go after and what his opinions should be, why was she so mad in the first place? Oh, that's right. Because she's full of BULLSHIT.

Later, Allie complained to us that Sean kept on playing the "strategy card," whatever that was. As far as I could tell, "the strategy card" seemed to be "telling the truth in the Boardroom." But we all know that the truth means nothing when it comes to a witch hunt, so why even sweat it, right? Eventually, the discussion ended on a lovely, superficial note as Allie said, "I know you love me, and I love you." Awww. Now, let's slowly remove the daggers from each of our backs and call it a day!

The next morning, the two teams lined up outside of the Boardroom, inside of which we could hear several muffled voices. Turns out Trump was talking to some short, gray-haired man who sort of reminded me of that one guy from L.A. Law. I don't remember his name, but you know the one. Anyway, he and Trump joked around, with The Donald at one point noting, "You love to borrow money!" Incidentally, BORROWING MONEY IS A THIRTY BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY!

Eventually, Trump and his cohorts ambled out of the Boardroom to greet the contestants. The Donald bragged about how he had all sorts of businesses -- even a fragrance (mmm... smell like Trump! That's not horrifying at all!) -- but eventually, he conceded that "Everybody wants to talk about my frickin' hair!" Well, let's not forget, talking about your hair is a lot of fun. Talking about your hair is a great way to pass time. And talking about your hair is a THIRTY BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY!!! But mostly, it's fun.

Then, in an odd turn of events, Trump decided to yet again prove that his hair is real. Never mind that any time there's a gust of wind, he yells "Now you know it's real!" Yes, yes, we know. That's why we make fun. You think we'd poke as much fun if it were just a toupée? Eh, I guess we would. Point is, it looks horrendous, and you should shave it.

Well, Trump asked the group, "Would anybody like to examine my hair?" As unappetizing as this offer was, some people actually raised their hands. Leave it to Charmaine to take an unnatural interest in Trump's coiffure. She walked right up to Trump and stared hard at his hairline, but I think the real test would have been if she could have really put her claws in there and pulled. I guess that's Melania's area of expertise though.

As amusing as this image is, my favorite part is Bill, whose smile seems to say, "Wow. Whatta guy! I love him with all my heart."

Posted by B-side on May 3, 2006 9:35 AM