"I hope that newborn daughter of yours grows up to be the dirtiest meth addict porn star the world has ever known. Too harsh? You obviously don’t watch the show."

I do watch the show. Seen every minute of every episode. And I haven't seen anything from any candidate that would make me wish drug addiction and porn stardom on their innocent, newborn children. Not even jokingly. But maybe that's the new-daddy-too in me talking. Too harsh by far.

Even your witty recaps can't save this bomb. Martha just isn't as unintentionally buffoonish as the Donald. No spark there, Bunky.

As far as the meth-addicted comment; yes, way harsh. What were you thinking?

You wrote: That is, while describing some frosting, she noted it’s “ecru� color...
Please don't put an apostrophe in the possessive pronoun "its." "It's" is a contraction of "it" and "is." Otherwise, great column!

Ginger

heh you know whats great? I read it and was a bit pissed that it had been edited for the meth comment, until I got the comments and there it was anyway.

"Shawn-Suze-Orman, displaying perhaps the largest corsage I’ve ever seen"
Did you see Maria's flower that ate Tokyo in season two? Some woman need to learn that sex and the city is over.

Great column, I too enjoy this show more than Trumps, it seems more focused on finding a true competent apprentice rather than entertainment and someone to trot out for speeches.

I have corrected some of the more egregious punctuation errors. Have a lovely Monday.

You seriously don't think refering to someone as a “Celebrity wedding cake designer� a “Celebrity floral designer� means the *designer* is the celebrity, do you?

Not to hop on the error bandwagon, but "suffle" is spelled "souffle".

Otherwise another great recap. My favorite part of the episode was when Suze/shawn kept saying "Well, in television we do this." And Martha responded by saying Well I've been in television for 11 years and I've never heard anyone say that. Snap.

dear sg-dub,

i enjoy your recaps and can easily overlook any minor errors as they do not RUIN MY DAY and i appreciate your lowly-paid skills being put to use for our entertainment.

this show rocks.

most cordially yours,
jash

This show cracks me up because of Martha's passive/aggressive nature. I like that she changes up her "you're fired" line every week. I LOVE that she overruled the initial nominees and called down the sales team. (you just knew that Shawn-Suze was a gonner at that point, provided Jim could keep his mouth shut for 10 secs)
My biggest source of glee however is that Martha has the most horrible handwriting!!

OMG. Meesh. You're so write. Her handwriting is awful.

Thank you Sg-Dub for the recap. I have been waiting for so long, but as always, it is worth the wait.

Your comments on Jim's child were fine by me.... he is an ass, and it was all in jest. However.... what is not a joke, is that his wife really did have a baby, and he really wasn't there. I couldn't believe that... and just to be the loser on Martha Stewart: Apprentice.

I thought he was gay, anyway..

Oh yah. And double snap to Martha for "I've worked in television for 11 years, and NEVER said that." And.... she laughed in her face. That was beautiful.

Jim could be pretending his wife is pregnant for sympathy. That’s what’s known in the biz as being “Fairplayed�. And then he could take a dump on Dawn while she sleeps.

Martha’s phony “Hey, im just giving you an impromptu call while tending my horses� routine is almost as funny as Trumps fake meetings.

I’m upset that Shawn lost because dammit, she was a smart dresser. At least 2 times that episode I was like “ooh, that’s a nice outfit.� I think Desperate Housewives has brought out the metrosexual in me.

George needs to either light that goddamned cigar or just put it down. And Martha is a dud in the boardroom. It’s the worst aprt of the show. Trump always makes it entertaining.

OMG - I almost died laughing at the HOLY COW caption under Sylvia's picture... too funny.

Can you post pics of the cakes? I missed the show and I'm dying to see what they look like.

Thanks for the recap! Lets say Jim's daughter does grow up to be "the dirtiest meth addict porn star the world has ever known". She'll probably go to rehab, pose for playboy, get a reality series, write a tell all book & make millions. Daddy will be proud.

Finally, some mention of the squinty-eyed receptinist. She has been really bothering me for three episodes. It's like she can't bear to look at those losers.

Oh and sg-dub, don't let the hatas get you down. Whoever gets up first thing Monday morning to bitch about type-os and meth-addict-wishes doesn't really understand what tvgasm is all about.

I'm not a "hata," Mrs. Petersen. I've praised every writer on this site, sg-dub included, dozens of times for countless writings...so I think I "really understand what tvgasm is all about." Comments were solicited and I made one...even admitting freely that a bias on my part colored my reaction. Hardly worth taking a personal shot at someone over, IMO...but, whatever.

How did Judd from Real World San Francisco get on this show, and why is he now this evil guy named Jim?
"Good luck in your task" to Judd's pregnant wife? Is his wife on another reality show, where the pregnant contestants have weekly challenges based on who can have the most profitable/stylish birth?

I will miss Suze Orman's hair and her lime green wardrobe.

Any of these idiots ever think to put the cake on a CART- you know, that thing with wheels that moves HEAVY or DELICATE things? They were in a kitchen for god's sake. I am SURE there were several carts to be had.
Martha totally dissed David when she brought the rest of the team back in and basically ignored him ("you're young"),while she fired Lime-Lady Di.
I have to admit this show is a train wreck that I just can't stop watching.
Great recap!

jash, #8: thanks very much for putting that so perfectly.

sg-dub: thanks for the recap!

Great recap sg-dub.

I have to laugh at Shawn - she is a newscaster down here in Orlando and has bothered me for a few years now with that poofaunt (I made up that word so no one needs to pick it apart) hairdo and that overbite and speech impediment. She ALWAYS acts like she is all knowing and usually is putting her foot in her mouth in her little local news interviews (guess now I know it's due to all her faking it til she bakes it).

I never expected her to get far on this show but man I didn't realize she'd fire her own self. What a twit!

Martha Martha Martha soooo perfect like sg said I baked a souffle it didnt rise and now Im going to Jail, I cant stop myself from laughing

Shawn is a Big pain in the ass , her mother is probably one of Martha's buddies from Grosse Point MICh, that's how she got on

She worked for A CBS affiliate here in Orlando, (A Detroit property)and was a snobby little upturned nose *itch, who couldnt hold ratings together

so she fake it until she baked it sooooo long

Thanks for the recap Sg-dub. I am glad that you are hanging in there and giving MAWTHA a chance.

I love this show for some reason. Martha is not as obvious with her insults as the Donald. But she knows how to sneak the snide remarks in.

Both of the cakes were boring, but I think the pink cake was one of the ugliest that I have ever seen.

I am blown away by the lack of creativity from these contestants. It is like watching the contestants who did not make it on to Hilfigers show, The Cut.

I hope that the ratings continue to improve, even if they have to change time slots over and over again.

#18 - Judd's Evil Twin - dead on!!! - omg I kept watching the show these past few weeks wondering why Jim looked so familiar!!!!

Hilarious commentary. Right on except for the racial cleansing comment. I think Milosovic and his gang were Serbian. Anyway, I'm looking forward to more recaps and hopefully not falling out of my seat laughing.