Instead, we are shown a doughy looking Charlie walking around on the beach in floral patterned bermuda shorts. He makes the Marshmallow Man in Ghostbusters look sexy. Hell, he makes Slimer look hot. What pleases me however, is the fact that he actually calls Sarah W. by the moniker "Sarah Dub!" He must be a TVGasm reader!

Somewhat clever editing had all three girls (Sarah B., Sarah Dub, and Krisily) riding separately in their cars, all spouting the same party line that they were so lucky to be in Aruba with Charlie and the other girls were not. Was this a script the producers had them all read as a voiceover after the fact? It was just too contrite to be authentic.

Chris Harrison came out to greet all the girls as they all arrived at the hotel, to tell them that their dates would happen all in the same place. "I knew it!" Sarah Dub exclaimed, even though just moments before during her car rides, she was gloating that none of the other girls were in Aruba. That Sarah Dub is such a lying bitch!

We were however, treated to gratuitous shots of Sarah Dub in her camo skivvies and skimpy bikini as she climbed into a jeep for the first one-on-one date with Charlie. And is it just me, or does Charlie seem like he should be the older brother when compared to Jerry O'Connell? His face is TIRED and HAGGARD. Somebody order him some botox!

Sarah Dub's date entailed some ATB riding. Normally, this would have been good fodder for some jiggly boob shots, but alas Kim was back in Edmonton, and for some reason Sarah Dub's chest looked flatter than Charlie's. Seriously, he's got way more cuppage! Maybe it was just her outfit. "This is me in my natural element," she told Charlie. "And everyone always likes me too, so I don't know whatever, about that whole thing." WTF? How much crack is there down in Kokomo???

Apparently a lot, as Charlie did what looked like a variation on the Running Man, when the Kukukunuku bus showed up. This was definitely a Riding The Bus With My Sister moment! If only Rosie had shown up to offer some doughnuts or talk about toilet seats! I wasn't sure who was playing the Andie McDowell character and who was being Rosie, since both of them were shaking their maraccas and proceeded to have the time of their lives.

"Bermuda, bahamas, come on pretty mama..." Damn you John Stamos and your bongo drums!!

Krisily later took a walk along the beach and stumbled upon Charlie and Sarah Dub's dinner date. She hid behind some lounge chairs and spied on them as they jumped into the water. "I wish I had worn some underwear!"exclaimed Sarah Dub as she proceeded to put the fish in fishwater. As the two dry humped in the ocean, the previews made it seem like Krisily was on the beach watching them, when in reality she had already gone back to the hotel probably to join Sarah B in ordering up some good ol' fashion porn on the pay-per-view. Once again, the show teases and refuses to put out.

The next day, Sarah B was to go on a sailing date with Charlie. He showed up shirtless, which from what I could see, was a huge mistake. Please for the love of God, put your shirt back on!! The two however, finally sealed the deal with their very first mouth to mouth.

Back at the hotel, we were treated to a staged chance meeting between Krisily (who was busy gnoshing on some greens)and Sarah Dub, who just happened to be walking by. Yes, just happened to be walking by with a camera on her at the perfect angle to get her approaching Krisily from behind. After a few fake greetings, she sat down to join the never-been-out-of-the-country hick and tried to clear the air by saying that she hoped things were cool between them.

Krisily was not so keen on mending fences, however, when she threw Sarah Dub's words back in her face from the week before when she had called Krisily "horrible" and "a nightmare." Sarah Dub later told the camera that Krisily was too immature to deal with things, but to her face said, "I'm glad we got to talk about it! So enjoy your salad!" Yes, Sarah Dub, being fake and glossing over the details is sooo much more mature.

Surprisingly, Charlie took Sarah B back to his hotel room, which Sarah Dub didn't even get (at least we didn't get to see it if it did happen.) The two made out a bit, but Sarah B pulled out from spending the night with him. What a frigid ho!

Posted by on May 3, 2005 4:56 PM