Wood You Accept This Rose? - 
by copygodd
"You don't need to feel any self-doubt," Travis tells her. "Every single guy in Paris is hoping you're going to walk out those doors alone." Including the man trapped in the invisible box and the man fighting a windstorm? "Because you're beautiful, and you have a lot of depth, and I was wondering if you'd accept this rose." Smooth, Travis. With a capital "OO."
Susan accepts the rose, and they share a light kissie-kiss. Travis later tells us it was flattering to see how appreciative she was to get a rose. As opposed to getting dumped and sent packing? They go out on the terrace and get a tad more intimate. Which for Travis means not calling her "guy" for five minutes. Eventually, they kiss a little more, and Susan admits to falling for the big lug. "I never thought I'd be crazy about you," she says. "But I'm done. I'm a smitten kitten." Ugh. Is Crazy Poetry Lady writing for Susan now? If Travis had any stones, he'd have tossed her over the balcony right then and there. As it is, I'm forced to toss back another two shots of Jaeger just to get the taste out of my mouth.
Back at the house, the girls are – you guessed it – drinking! And wondering whether or not Susan and Travis are playing smoochie-face. The next Date Box arrives, disguised as a Treasure Chest. The names of five ho-pefuls – Moana, DrunkTara, PlainSaraH, Jihad and Silo – are written on the lid. Inside the box they find the withered left hand of Jimmy Hoffa and a Oujia Board, which they use to learn they're going to the French Riviera for an overnight date with Dr. T. SaraH-eh? tells us the French Riviera is the "dream date of all dream dates", but she's hoping her two-on-one date with Travis and Jennifer is extravagant too. Maybe they'll go see the Eiffel Tower! That would be totally wicked.
The next day, Travis picks up the girls and together they fly to the south of France. PlainSaraH tells us how excited she is: "I cannot believe this. We are going to be pimping with Puff Daddy and Beyonce!" Never one to be out-pimped, Silo describes the boat as a "Pimp Daddy Yacht." And I gotta admit, with its buffet, hot tub, multiple decks, pool and gold-encrusted bedrooms, it did look seaworthy. But could she withstand the rigors of a three-hour cruise? Aaarrrr, soon we be about to find out…
Travis and the girls strip down and start dancing. I'll let DrunkTara supply the commentary: "We're so happy to spend time with Travis. He always is just the life of the party. I don't think that any woman could say she's not attracted to him." (Except maybe this woman.) "Because he is just chiseled, great face, great build… he's what ever woman would want."
Especially if that woman's name is Moana, who takes this opportunity to emerge from her cone of silence and grab Travis all for herself, making their getaway on a nearby jet ski. Of course, this just pisses off the other group daters, who can't believe she had the audacity to monopolize Travis' time after being so ambivalent about him over the past few days. PlainSaraH tells us that Moana is "definitely playing the game now. All of a sudden, she's being very aggressive toward Travis, and I don't understand that, because she hasn't seemed all that interested from day one." Perhaps Moana's eggs have finally passed their expiration date? Inquiring minds want to know.
Regardless of PlainSaraH's opinion, Moana is obviously interested enough to go jet skiing with young Dr. Stork. As she explains it: "Up until this point, I've been laying low in the back, and I decided it was time to step up to the plate and get out of the monotony of being in a group with other people." I think I liked Moana better when she didn't talk. Travis, however, likes Moana Version-Slut.ty. "Moana is a bit more proactive than the other women about getting her way, and that's one of the things I really like about her." He also really likes her proactive breastesses.
I did not have sexual relations with that cigar.
Back on the boat, Travis tells the girls to shower, because they stink of elderberries and wizards. Plus, he's taking them out someplace nice that appreciates neither elderberries nor wizards. Turns out they're going gambling, which of course is just another excuse to drink. And, in Moana's case, smoke a honking big cigar. In fact, so honking and so big was this cigar that from now on I shall call her Monica. Silo asks Travis if he'd like to go for a walk. Once they're out of earshot, she tells him she hopes he'll give everyone in the group a fair chance. "We're not all willing to take a cigar for you," she says. Travis tells her he won't give a rose to any woman who doesn't have feelings for him. Speaking of which, the other girls are taking this opportunity to confront Monica about her true intentions. "I don't know," she says. "I'm not going to flash forward." Other things Monica's not going to do: make sense.
Back at the ho-peful house, Susan, SaraH-eh? and Jennifer are sharing a carrot with their drinks when the next Date Box arrives. This one has two cards in it.
On the yacht, the girls tell Travis it's time to hand out the rose. Not so fast, bitches. Travis instead takes PlainSarah above-board (is that how you say upstairs on a boat?) for some alone time. Which of course leaves the remaining women free to drink and carp. DrunkTara says she doesn't think PlainSaraH is Travis' type. "She's sweet and naïve and I think he wants someone puts the extra 'oomph'… you know?" You know what else he wants, DrunkT? Someone who puts the extra drink down. You know?
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