Wood You Accept This Rose? - 
by copygodd
Upboard/above-stairs, PlainSaraH is trying to make her case. "We have all this stuff in common," she tells Travis. "We're both outdoorsy people, we have the Nashville thing in common, all that in common." By my count, that's two things. What else you got, PlainSaraH? Evidently nothing, as she switches gears and says she feels a connection and wants to know him. Judging by the look on our Bachelor's face, and his response, I'm not sure they have that in common. "Part of me thinks (about PlainSaraH), 'she never really dates, she gets along so well with the other women… is she a sexual being?" Damb! I think he just called PlainSaraH a eunuch! Or Hillary Clinton.
Amazingly, she just laughs this off. Travis presses her, and asks if she ever gets passionate about anything. Oh, she gets passionate all right. In fact, she has a whole list of things she's passionate about, including the TWO THINGS THEY HAVE IN COMMON!
Hey look, it's DrunkTara making another reverse cock-block. (Anyone have any suggestion for what we can call this instead of a reverse cock-block? Because they're not blocking Travis so much as the other girls. If so, kindly leave them in the Suggestion Box.) Turns out she just wants to let Travis know the girls are going to get in the hot tub soon. Travis asks for a few more minutes, but doesn't get them as DrunkTara and Monica make their way up to the Jacuzzi. PlainSaraH wants to finish telling Travis how PASSIONIATE she is, but he tells her they'll talk about it later and walks her back downboard/below-stairs. Reverse cock-block, DENIED!
Later, the girls ask Travis if he's ready to hand out the rose yet. "The rose is going to stay up all night," he tells them, "while we actually get some sleep." Anyone want to hazard a guess as to what else might be staying up all night? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?
The next morning, the women are sitting around drinking coffee (for once) and talking about how they don't want to go back when Monica slips off to deliver Travis a cup of coffee. Unfortunately for Monica, the producers have secretly replaced Dr. Stork's testosterone with Folger's Estrogen, so instead of the action she's craving she merely gets a snuggle and total cheese-dick line. "I love having five women with me," he tells her, "but I wish when we were out jet skiing we could've just come back to the boat and been alone." Monica just laughs at him. Yay Monica!
Suddenly, the other women realize they're drinking non-alcoholic coffee, and boy are they pissed. Of course, the fact that they also noticed Monica's not there doesn't help matters. PlainSaraH is really upset, and says it's the meanest thing Monica's done on this trip. Yeah, I can't believe she got Travis a cup of coffee. What a BITCH!
PASSION!
Travis and Monica rejoin the girls, and he tells everyone he's finally ready to give out the rose. Big surprise, he gives it to Monica. Even bigger surprise, she acts like she doesn't want it. Oh you two, get a room! Oh wait, you just did. After Travis leaves, the others ask Monica if she sees herself with him. She tells them she pleads the "4th or 5th amendment" and says it's yet to be developed. PlainSaraH is so upset over Monica's shenanigans she later starts to cry in her interview. It was pretty funny. In a sad clown sort of way.
Finally, we're off that godforsaken boat and back at the chateau. Jennifer is wondering what their two-on-one date is going to be: "The other girls got to go to the French Riviera… what are we going to have to do, go to the moon to top their date? M-O-O-N, that spells killer date." Unfortunately for Jennifer, M-O-O-N actually spells camping. And since SaraH-eh? is an avid camper and Jennifer is an avid not-camper, it's not looking good for Matt and Kevin's favorite swimsuit model.
Travis tells Jen that camping is the best way to get to know someone. "Just try to be open-minded and enjoy it," he says, trying to reassure her. "Open-minded means watching out for bugs and peeing in the woods," her open-mindedness replies. Hey, at least it doesn't mean peeing on Travis. Or does it….?
Sitting around the fire, Travis amuses himself by trying to teach Jennifer how to whittle. "Just take the knife and do what SaraH-eh?'s doing," he tells her. Obviously, Jennifer is not as skilled at handling the wood as SaraH-eh?. In their alone time in the tent, Travis tells Jen he can't image a better time than sitting in front of a fire and having a couple of beers. What do you bet Jen can? SaraH-eh? spends her alone time dissing on Jen's answers. "I’m so cheesed out by the girls answering every question like they're Miss America." Sure, that's easy for you to say, CANADIAN.
Travis sits between the girls in front of the fire. "As far as the rose goes, what I've tried to have guide me is my feelings," he tells them. "And I appreciate you guys (DRINK!) being so patient. And so this is awkward, and I don't even know how to do this, but… SaraH-eh?, will you accept this rose?" Needless to say, Jennifer's not happy about getting the boot. "I don't know what more I could've done," she tells us, "short of holding up the tent with one hand and pouring him a cocktail with another." That's a good start. For her final parting shot, Jennifer poses a riddle: "What do Dr. Stork and the Taliban have in common? They both like their women STONED!"
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