You Guys (Drink!) Are So Amazing (DRINK!) - 
by copygodd
Tonight's episode of The Bachelor starts off with Host Chris Harrison meeting the six ho-pefuls in the den. This week is going to be bit different, he tells them. There will be two one-on-one dates and one group date. Nobody needs to remind them of how important the one-on-one time is, but Host Chris Harrison does it anyway. Cuz that's how he rolls. So who gets to decide who goes on which date? I'm glad you asked…
In walk Silo and Jennifer, both spurned by The Amazing Travis last week. All in all, the remaining girls take it about as well as can be expected. If they were expecting the Spanish Inquisition. And as we all know, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.
Moanica says having Silo and Jen back is like being trapped in "the night of living dead nightmare in that house." Okay… Silo and Jen will ask questions of the six remaining B'ettes and decide who gets to go on which date. Jennifer feels she should be there over some of the other girls, and is planning to be brutally honest with them. But since she's been in the house and privy to information that The Amazing Travis hasn't been, this is also "the time for the girls to get honest." I hope she starts off the questioning with DrunkTara, because everyone is dying to know if her carpets match the drapes. (And by everyone, of course, I mean EdHill and myself.)
PlainSaraH is asked is she can see herself married to Travis. Of course she can. Why? Because they have things in common! Hell, they have so much in common, they're practically the same person. Yeah, the Thing With One Personality. Silo is upset that Jihad hasn't opened up to anyone. "So when are you going to stop playing it safe?" she asks. Jihad says she's 29 and she's outgrown having a crush on someone. Plus, she's just not a fan of going bareback this early in a relationship.
Next, SiloJen both gang up on SaraH-eh?, telling her they're concerned with her age and (im)maturity. SaraH-eh? remains nonplussed, however, telling them "I'm really gonna have to go with my gut and say it doesn't intimidate me." DrunkTara is next. And the girls tell her that three out of the four times she's been with The Amazing Travis, they couldn't help but notice she was drunk. I don't think that's fair at all. You light one fart at a cocktail party and you're labeled forever. Girls can be so mean.
Susan gets grilled on her dreams of moving to L.A. and becoming an actress. Silo tells her The Amazing Travis doesn't like the Hollywood scene. That's fine with Susan, who says she doesn't want a carbon copy of herself and has no interest in dating an actor. Right there, I know she's lying, because who doesn't want a carbon copy of themselves? That would totally rule! Unless you have white furniture.
PASSION!
Of course, SiloJen have been saving their bitterest vitriol for Moanica. "Are you scared?" asks Silo, "Because you should be," finishes Jen. "I ain't afeared," Moanica says, and tells them to go for it. Yes! The girls remind Moanica that all along she's said Travis isn't her type, and that she wouldn't chase a guy, but suddenly she's done a 180 and is going after Travis. Moanica says yeah, so what, which angers Silo. "If you're asking me for honesty, and I give it to you, do NOT reprimand me for it," Moanica fires back. She says a bunch of other crap that had to do with feelings and stuff, but all my notes say are blahblahblah feelings blahblahblah my heart blahblahblah…" Gee, think Moanica has a shot at getting a one-on-one?
Time for a visit with The Amazing Travis, who says the next few dates are really important, because he has to decide whose families he wants to meet. He appreciates SiloJen's coming back and picking the dates for him. Especially after he dumped them both. "I think they probably want the right woman to be there at the end," he says. Yeah, as long as that woman isn't Moanica.
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