TVgasm - The Bachelor: The One Where Whorica Judges Everyone...

Things have been quite chaotic at the copygodd household over the past few days. Primarily because I severely dislocated the ring finger on my right hand Friday night, and may have torn the tendon. It was bent in three different directions and I thought I'd broken it, so the missus took me to the emergency room. Two hours later, I was sent home with a giant splint/wrap on my right hand, which I have to wear at least through the end of this week, when I see another doctor. Worst of all, no pain killers!!! Thank husband for the handful of Tylenol 3's I had left over from my vasectomy. And Never Summer Ale from the Boulder Beer Company.

So why am I wasting my first graph of The Bachelor recap whining about my mutilated digit? Because with just my left hand and one finger on my right, I can't type for shit. It's taken me almost ten minutes and a whole beer to get this far. Which means this week's recap is going to be the dreaded "Photo Recap," with lots of pictures and (hopefully) pithy captions. Don't say you haven't been warned.

Host Chris Harrison welcomes the B'ettes to another round of "Whose Vag Is It Anyway?"

The producers treat us to a rare shot of Whorica's legs in the "Closed" position.

Whorica awarded The Virgin the first one-on-one date, where The Virgin joins PBo's "Three-Quarters of a Mile" High Club.

Poop floats.

"Kiss me where it smells funny."

On their group date, the girls reenact the chariot scene from Ben-Hur to gain the Prince's favor. Afterward, they crucify Jeannette.

"How you say, 'push my finger!'"

Dorkus Maximus.

Comrade Lisa shows the B'ettes her "Five Minute Plan" to getting hammered and sickled.

As surprised as she was to win the one-on-one date, Jennifer is even more shocked to learn that Whorica actually knew her name.

Scenes like this make John Mark Karr sick to his tummy.

Comrade Lisa still can't believe that's where babies really come from.

The B'ettes bond over hating Comrade Lisa. And Star Jones.

"Your mouth says yes, but your cooter says yes too... Wait, can I try that again?"

Comrade Lisa gets a rose.

Prince Krazy Eyez Killah.

The Italian gets the night's final rose.

De...

...nied!

Next week, LBo will visit The Virgin, Jennifer, Comrade Lisa and The Italian's parents....

...while Whorica demonstrates the proper way to masturbate with a shower massager.

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Posted by copygodd on October 25, 2006 1:46 PM

Comments

Thanks cg for enduring the pain and suffering in order to bring us this..."dreaded "Photo Recap." Pithy.

Whorica is still a bitch but she did pick the best 2 for the one on one dates and my pick for the final 2. I hope TimeTable Lisa totally freaks Larry out next week. And I am sure that when he meets Mom and Dad Italian job he will embarass himself with some stupid comments.

Oh and way to go Sadie on giving Lar the Chargers shirt.

hb

Posted by: HoneyBunny | October 25, 2006 2:25 PM(#1 of 7)

Having flipped between this and the Giants game, I'm glad I spent most of my time on the Giants. But I enjoyed the screencaps and the effort involved, copygodd. Dorkus Maximus sums it up nicely.

The only way this show is going to get ineresting is if Cousin Larry sets up Balki and Whorica soon.

Posted by: RealityMonkey | October 25, 2006 3:22 PM(#2 of 7)

I guess we will have to let you slide on the photo recap this time-but only cuz it's so damn funny. If Lorenzo were a smart man, he would have questioned why Sadie just happened to have that t-shirt. She is as bad as Lisa-obviously she was planning this because I'm sure she didn't pick up a custom Chargers t-shirt in Rome. He truly is a Dorkus Maximus.

And Jen is a reading teacher? Seriously? I think she takes the short bus.

Posted by: Victoria | October 25, 2006 4:15 PM(#3 of 7)

How desperate are the producers to keep Erica on the show? Or does Prince Charles, uh - William, er, I mean Lorenzo NOT have friends of his own who could guide his dating choices -- he's had an opera teacher, charioteers, and the world's most pathetic (not to mention emphatically rejected and ejected) socialite determining his romantic fate. So lame. I'm sure it costs less to fly one of his friends to Rome than to keep Erica medicated or pay the water bill on her bubble bathing habits. (Good catch, copygodd... I noticed that off-the-hook shower head too)

I can't WAIT to watch the shit hit the fan at Lisa's house when the prince stumbles unwittingly into her shrine of bridal obsession. Her duplicity makes me sick, and when she gets kicked to the curb, I suggest she go into business w/Dr. McRotting Eggs & sell T-shirts with clocks on them that have rotting eggs splattered across their faces. On the back, they could say, "Tick, tock, tick, tock," or maybe "I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date."

Posted by: zoo keeper | October 25, 2006 10:19 PM(#4 of 7)

p.s. I'm rooting for Sadie -- she looked like she had some naughty kitten in her just waiting to come out & I respect that she's not a wanton slut. So glad Desiree's gone, baby -- she was annoying -- and I'm surprised about Jeannette. Jennifer seemed like she would have gotten excited if PZo had taken her to the mall. She'd be happy if Don the Tire King gave her his empire -- she can live without a prince.

Posted by: zoo keeper | October 25, 2006 10:25 PM(#5 of 7)

So sorry about your injury, copygodd. I don't watch this silly show but I do enjoy your recaps even this dreaded "Photo Recap," very pithy! Maybe you could teach my beloved EdHill how to proof?

Posted by: KarenGwyn | October 26, 2006 11:20 AM(#6 of 7)

I was so disappointed that Erica didn't show the girls the videos of each other. Read more here .

Posted by: simper1 | November 3, 2006 2:07 AM(#7 of 7)

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