Remember that scene in Lost In Translation where Bill Murray's character had trouble understanding everyone because he didn't speak Sudanese? Me neither, since I never saw the movie. But based on its title, I imagine it went something like tonight's episode. And not just because of the time Prince Lorenzo spent with The Italian's family, none of whom could speak English. Because he also had trouble speaking Virginese with The Virgin's family, Repetitious with Comrade Lisa's Mom and Psychotish with Jennifer's Dad.

The episode starts off with just a voiceover from Host Chris Harrison. It's kind of disappointing not to see him, and just shows to go ya how you never know how much you miss someone until they're gone. Kind of like Ken Lay. Sure, it's sad he died before he got to be repeatedly ass-raped for stealing millions of dollars from poor retirees, but when he bit it I lost a huge source of ass-rape jokes.

Ah well, at least there's still Whorica to pick on. Because in case you haven't heard, she'll be on tonight. Again. Over the course of tonight's show, our little ray of sunshine gets plugged six or seven times. But it's all good, as she's used to getting plugged even more often than that. I'm really tired of her shtick, though, so I'm not giving her any more of my precious words.

LBo's first date is with The Virgin in Whale's Vagina, California. She's really looking forward to having LBo visit and meet the family on her home turf, although they're both a little nervous. The Virgin tells Cousin Larry everything will be fine as long as he doesn't say anything lame. Or mention the fact that she's a virgin, because her family thinks she's the town slut.

After meeting her friends and family, PBo tells us he was very impressed, and if they're anything like The Virgin, they'll be super easy to get along with, but near impossible to bang. At least on the first date.

Sitting in the living room, everyone makes some nice chitchat, and Mother Virgin seems to really like The Prince. Then The Virgin mentions their one-on-one date, where she got to fly PBo's plane. Her mom is both flabbered and gasted that PBo is a pilot. And that Sadie was so eager to take control of his stick.

Mom wants to know what kind of characteristics PLB is looking for in a mate. He trots out the usual tired claptrap about honesty and trust and being best friends, although when it comes to The Virgin, he'd settle for a little stinky pinky.

In the kitchen, The Virgin tells her mom that Prince Lorenzo reminds her of Daddy. How so? The way he always makes sure you finish before he does. And he opens doors for her. He's the kind of guy she'd be proud to have on her arm. Her mom says that's a really big deal. Why? I mean, The Virgin might be proud to have Dick Cheney on her arm too, but that certainly doesn't mean she'd marry him. Although she should probably think hard about that one, as he might end up shooting her in the face. With birdshot, people. Sheesh. This isn't an EdHill recap. Before rejoining the party, Mom reminds Sadie to guard her heart. And her cooter.

After dinner, Sadie takes PLo to Moonlight Beach. Sharing a blanket next to a bonfire, Cousin Larry asks if she's trying to seduce him. "Oh, you think I'm trying to seduce you by taking you to a beach at night with a bonfire?" she asks. "No, because you have your hand down my pants." A few smoochies, and the camera respectfully pans down to the fire, which has a huge hunka hunka burning wood in it. Yeah, that's subtle.

Next, PBo visits Comrade Lisa in Portland. Of course, she reminds us again of her five-year plan. Except now she says she's going to make it happen with Lorenzo. If he ends up cutting her, I hope he doesn't have a pet bunny. Unless he likes the taste of rabbit, of course. In which case it still might work out for the best.

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Posted by copygodd on November 1, 2006 9:05 AM