So that’s what they did. Shamelessly. But first, there was some reaction to last week’s “Style Forum” and it wasn’t good. Acting like a bunch of people who had never seen a reality TV show before, they were all devastated that someone got sent home (I already forget her name and face). In fact, the old crow of the bunch, Shauna, had had enough and she threatened to pack up and leave. Geeze, I guess no one really appreciates being on TV anymore, with people quitting shows left and right. Shauna’s complaints were somewhat valid, however: “This show is not a fashion show, I thought they’d be stealing straight from Project Runway, not The Apprentice and Pimp My Ride. I’m quitting and going home to my giant mink farm where I’m going to kill a whole slew of those buggers and then I’ll wrap their warm little carcasses the rest of the way up my neck and face to help me forget this whole horrible experience.”

The gang convinced Shauna to take her coat off and stay a while resulting in a collective sigh from small furry animals everywhere. The next morning they all gathered at Teknicar garage where Tommy Hilfiger arrived to issue the next challenge. But first, boring story time… years ago, Hilfiger designed some ugly bright shirt for Mick Jagger and he didn’t initially like it but Hilfiger convinced him to go with it. After the event, Mick hated the shirt even more. Moral of the story? Listen to your client and respond to their wants. The client for this challenge would be young hip hop star, Fabolous. Unfortunately for Hilfiger, his brazen attempts at re-entering the urban fashion scene were shattered when he pronounced his name “FabUlous,” as opposed to the correct “FabOlous.” Cementing his old white guy status, when he was announcing the challenge (pimping out Lincoln Navigators), Hilfiger pronounced them “cool cars” and excitedly urged the contestants to “Rig them out.” Way to take it to the streets, Tommy.

The one innovation The Cut has is that new teams are chosen each week. Not exactly groundbreaking, I know, but I’ll take what I can get. Actually, it really sucks for recapping/consistency purposes, but as the resident rookie here, I can’t complain. Chris and Elizabeth chose their teams and they were named the Blue and the Orange team this week. Shauna was picked last by Chris and Vlada was the last overall for the Orange crew. Vlada is Hungarian for “clueless bitch” which she personified as she pursed her lips and made love to the camera even though no team wanted her. Ahhhh, that’s what sets reality whores away from us normal folks.

Sensing “The Cut” had too little to do with fashion and too much to do with car remodeling and billboard painting; Hilfiger announced a little twist to this week’s game. One person from each team would be sent out to The People’s Choice Awards in Hollywood to interview celebrities on the red carpet. Because, you see, The Cut is also about testing one’s social skills. Right. Did they make this shit up as they went along or did they just script it using Mad Libs? Amazingly, the Blue team chose to send near-quitter Shauna out on the private jet and the Team Orange elected gay caricature, Tommy to join her.

Now Tommy just needed to get the dress.

It was now time for the teams to get to work on their Navigators. Each team sat down to brainstorm ideas. Functional retard Jeff (the show’s token crazy older guy) was eager to start “tricking up” the car. The look on Rob’s face (he’s from Brooklyn) was priceless – it said, “Shut the hell up, cracker, or I will beat you senseless.” Cooler heads prevailed just in time for the next twist. Two team members from each team would be going to the VIP room at Club Marquee to hang out with their client, Fabolous. Team Blue elected Chris and Jeff to attend, and Team Orange chose Vlada and Princess – who, despite their names, are real human beings rather than the cartoon crime-fighting duo they sound like.

Princess was over-eager to meet the rapper and was only interested in flirting rather than ascertaining any sort of helpful information. While she was trying her best to insert herself into his life (and lap), Chris sat and bided his time. After Princess had exhausted her tired pick up lines, Chris moved in and tried his own, “Can we get on up outta here and walk around alone for a little while?” Fab was cool with that and the two of them had a very valuable one on one conversation about his likes and dislikes. Meanwhile, Jeff continued to look stupid while Princess and Vlada danced alone in a corner. This show is weird.

We knew Chris had scored major insight into the client’s wants. How did Princess fare? She did get his phone number (why do I think it started with 555?) but when team leader Elizabeth pressed her for info she could use for the Navigator, Princess said, “I’m gonna cook fried chicken for him and he likes Vienna Fingers.” Oh please, please, please build Fabolous a giant Vienna Fingermobile. That would be AWESOME.

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Posted by on June 16, 2005 11:43 PM