Open The Club Bay Doors, HAL(figer) - 
by
I am Sofa King not Donald Trump
Remember when Vanilla Ice came out and publicly stated that “Ice Ice Baby” didn’t lift any samples from Queen’s “Under Pressure?” His insane insistence that his song’s hook wasn’t lifted from the operatic rockers was just so ridiculous it became kind of a joke. Well, I imagine Tommy Hilfiger pulled off the same stunt to CBS when he pitched “The Cut.” After he described “The ApprentiCut,” I can only assume the network brass said, “Great, an Apprentice clone starring Tommy Hilfiger. What will you do – mix it up by emulating other reality shows week to week and pretend that you’re doing something original?” Unfortunately for us viewers, the network brass didn’t lay on the sarcasm enough and this show actually got made. And I actually watch it.
It’s almost fun to see what show (or shows) “The Cut” will mimic week to week. It’s getting so bad (after only 3 episodes!) that I half expect the aspiring designers to be marooned on a South Pacific island where they have to sing Paul Anka songs for a salty English judge. But I digress – and I also just came up with a pretty cool episode of “AmeriCut Immunity Idol.” You read it here first, folks.
Last week Hilfiger invited a young rapper named Fabolous on to help with the “Pimp My Ride” competition. It was refreshing to hear Hilfiger finally pronounce his name correctly during the opening montage this week. It was not so refreshing to remember that this was Fabolous’ second reality show appearance. The first? Yup, he helped out Kendra at her final task on last season’s Apprentice. I almost think Trump and Hilfiger met at some polo match in Westchester County and – bored out of their minds and drunk on power, money, and Alize, made a bet that resulted in The Cut. But enough about the obvious unoriginality of the show, as there was plenty of other nonsense going on in this week’s episode.
We are finally getting to know each of the contestants and their claws have begun to come out. The show opened with some of the wonderful behind-the-back bitchiness inherent to all reality shows. The gang gathered in Harlem and were made to stand in the falling snow and suffer through another of Hilfiger’s incredibly boring stories - “Be fore I choose a theme I do a lot of re search. Stop. My re search helps me cre ate fa shion. Stop.” Laryngeal cancer victims with electronic voice boxes have more passion behind their words. Maybe I should start calling him Tommy HALfiger-9000, in homage to "2001"'s disembodied computer voice.
They were in Harlem to stand in front of the historically famous Cotton Club – legendary joint where all the jazz and swing greats played back in the day. Why? Because one team would be extremely making over the club to recapture the look of its heyday back in the 1930’s. The other team would be tasked with doing the same for the equally legendary Studio 54 downtown. Sort of interesting... if I hadn’t seen it before a hundred times on every other network!
Sideshow James and angry skater Felix picked their teams which broke down thusly: Team Studio 54 consisted of James, Chris C from the ghetto, Rob the Brooklyn brotha who never speaks, Christopher the Jared Leto clone, Julie the housewife, and Jessica the former beauty pageant winner. Team Cotton Club was Felix, Wes the effete pretty boy, Elizabeth the designer no one likes, Shauna the gray toothed snob, Deanna the alternachick, Princess the embarrassment, and picked last: Jeff the mentally unbalanced old guy.
Since we now expect not only nonsensical quotes from the gang, but also nonsensical "social challenges" on the side, we weren't surprised when HALfiger produced 4 invitations to a party at his designer friend's house in the Hamptons. Because, as we learned last week, part of "making the cut" involves proving you have the social skills to handle the media and the professional fashion world. We also learned last week that Princess was terribly gauche in a similar situation and that Jeff was terribly useless. So after Team Studio 54's captain James decided to send himself and Jessica (his "arm charm," as he said) to the party, we awaited Team Cotton Club's decision. If you guessed it would be the last two people you'd ever send to such a thing - Princess and Jeff - you'd be correct. And of course Princess reminded us that she "definitely [has] great social skills." I guess last week's debacle was just unfair editing, right? We'll see...
Her teammate Wes, forgetting the rules of the game, declared that "PrincASS" would "definitely be eliminated" this time. Um, Wes, so you're saying that your team is going to lose then, right? Actually, I can't fault him too much because quite frankly, The Cut really makes no sense at all. That and, well, Wes is just so damn cute. I want to put him in a playful headlock and give him tender noogies. And I'm not even gay.
| 1 | 2 | 3 Next Page... ( Comments ) | Discuss In Our Forums