Tommy Can You Sew Me? - 
by
The dresses weren’t making themselves, so both the Blue and the Yellow teams made their way over to B&J Fabrics in the fashion district. Hmmm, B&J, Fashion district, designing dresses… I just can’t think of a joke here at all. The Yellows arrived at the fabric warehouse with barely an idea of what they wanted. They brainstormed and tried to get their shit together. As they were doing so, Tommy and the rest of Team Blue sauntered in with hands on hips and exaggerated shoulder motions. They went straight to the fabrics they needed, paid, and sashayed back out. Boy, Tommy and Princess had such an incredible advantage over Team Yellow, the conclusion was foregone.
Team Yellow finally came to some sort of agreement and bought their fabrics. They also hired a couple seamstresses because they didn’t know how to sew. Felix and James partnered on one dress, Elizabeth flew solo on hers, and Julie was stuck with Jeff. Jeff, still mentally in 7th grade, insisted on putting a bra on the outside of the dress because that would be “sexy.” Julie rolled her beady close-set eyes and called Jeff desperate. Meanwhile, the one-man gay pride parade named Tommy was confidently cutting fabric and already sewing pieces together. He was so supremely confident that he admitted to ditching Princess’s pattern in favor of his own. This was so unfair – with him being a designer and all. I’m surprised Team Yellow didn’t just pack up and go out binge drinking in the face of the designing tsunami Tommy.
Oh yeah, the party thing. Um… some people with some drinks mingle some. HALfiger-9000 shows up and makes small talk. Boy, what a challenge this turned out to be. Actually, Chris from the ghetto, did almost cream his pants over the whole idea of meeting his “idol” one on one at the party. So watching for a bulge in the crotch of his new pants offered some interest. Which begs the question, who knew there were actually people who worshipped Tommy Hilfiger? The one productive thing that happened was that Wes got a leggy blonde model for the next day’s fashion show showdown. This was fortunate because Jeff and Elizabeth had struck out on the streets. Jeff had begged to be part of the scouting effort much to everyone’s dismay. He was looking for a girl who he would be able to describe as, “hot as shit.” Once on the street, he noticed a relatively cute Latina and began approaching her like a zombie from “Night of the Living Dead.” Arms locked straight ahead, glazed over eyes, Jeff stated, “she’s the one.” Elizabeth took one look at her and dismissed her saying, “she’s only 5’5”.” Jeff kept approaching like a sailor on leave for the first time in a year. “Don’t touch her!” Elizabeth screamed. At least since Team Blue was going to easily win this competition, this would finally be Jeff’s week to slink back into non-reality TV oblivion.
Somehow, Team Yellow produced three dresses and two of them looked half decent to me. The third, Jeff and Julie’s mess, looked like crap. Not only that, they felt the need to carry a poor little black terrier on a chain as an accessory. Brutal. Meanwhile, the obvious victors to be, Team Blue, completed their three dresses just in the nick of time, thanks to Shauna rising from the dead to whip together a dress. HALfiger arrived and once in his “coolest” pose, explained to the aspiring designers about something called ‘the edit.’ They were only going to show one of their dresses on their model and that was the one the team would be judged upon.
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