All you need to know is that once the teams were picked, HALfiger-9000 sent half of each team on a private jet to Texas and New Mexico respectively. The goal was for the Texas contingent to "study" true cowboy culture and fashion and relay their thoughts to the design team stuck in NY with the end result being two fashionable modern outfits based on the findings. The New Mexico team was to do the same with traditional Native American garb. The point, as if there actually is one to this show, was "communication" and testing how the teams were able to convey their ideas via telephone. Which reminds me, wouldn't it be a fun show to have a "Telephone Game with the Stars?" Like, Corey Haim has a 4 sentence secret that he tells to Alan Thicke who tells it to Bea Arthur who tells it to the robot girl from "Small Wonder" who tells it to Tone-Loc who then tells it to us, the TV audience. That would be awesome. Is Bea Arthur even alive?

Long episode short, the game of Cowboys and Indians was pretty much the mess you'd expect it to have been. The Cowboy crew came up with some shirts and jeans (ooooohhhh) whereas the New Mexico gang threw together some ponchos and beaded jewelry (aaaahhhhh). I'm still unclear on the whole concept of "The Cut" seeing as though they are competing to be designers but no one, and I mean no one, has any clue how to design anything. I will continue to watch until the show becomes clearer to me. Team New Mexico lost and Julie (the blond with the close-set and too-small eyes) was sent home to St. Louis and her idyllic (in her mind) suburbia devoid of gay people and minorities of any sort. Good riddance.

Amazingly, the always useless and increasingly insane Jeff once again wound up on the winning team and continued to infect the show. Each week he is picked last or next to last and is generally regarded as either a liability or a sacrificial lamb, should it come to that. His job on the Texas cowboy design team was to contract with some creepy "denim specialist" guy. Ok, he picked up the phone and was able to handle that. Then he handed over all the team's money to the guy, leaving them nothing to pay the seamstress. Nice. Then he ran out with an hour to spare to put some finishing touches on a jacket. Of course, as his whole team expected, he didn't make it back in time - disqualifying the jacket. It was these scenes of Jeff's tortured insistence that nothing was his fault that made the episode worthwhile. Since there are no screencaps, just imagine the image of the biggest loser in your office (it helps if he's a he, is middle aged, bald, thoroughly incompetent, and insane) sending an incriminating email to the boss by accident and freaking out. Good times, good times.

Now that you're caught up, let's get to the most recent episode... Once again, ruining all ambiance, the show opened with ice-skating at Rockefeller Center and snowfall. Dear CBS, It's the middle of July. I'm sweating my balls off here. Reality shows lose some "reality" when your seasons are so out-of-whack. Please don't do this again. Futhermore, please don't show more scenes of Wes drinking milk from the communal milk container, screwing up his face, then dumping the contents. There was just something so wrong about that for some reason. Thanks.

With snow, ice, and rancid milk on my mind, HALfiger showed up to bore the crap out of everyone as he does every week. Y'know, I'm sure he's led a very interesting life...how can he make it sound so incredibly dull? Something about him and his buddy making some bellbottoms back in the 70's and selling them to stores and then he opened up his own store. *Yawn.* Maybe the point of "The Cut" is simply to survive HALfiger's weekly stories - though I think I'd rather eat grubs and coconut on an island for 39 days. The challenge this week would be to open up competing stores in SoHo selling "reconstructed" secondhand clothes they'd bought from Goodwill. The winning team would be the one who made more money. With no shortage of Village hipsters who (still) seem to just looooooooove ill-fitting shirts and pants a few blocks away, both teams seemed up for the challenge. This week's teams were Team Orange (Wes, Deanna, Shauna, Chris, Jeff "a raving lunatic with no talent," according to Shauna, and Rob) and Team Purple (Felix, Liz, Jess, James, and Princess). That's certainly enough to fill the hour - but wait! This is "The Cut" and that means there must be a nonsensical "social challenge" for absolutely no reason in the world. If they wanted, each team could send a person to the Sundance Film Festival with HALfiger himself. Shauna and Felix jumped at the opportunity and they were off. Felix felt a bit guilty about this, since his team was down a member, but whatever, he was going to hobnob with the stars!

Posted by on July 18, 2005 9:03 PM