Like OMG! The Hills Are Alive! - 
by B-side
Like OMG! LC totally like moved to West Hollywood and was like "Hey Heidi!" and Heidi was like "Meet my new bestie Audrina!" and then LC was like "I want to be an intern for Teen Vogue" and Teen Vogue was all "Just don't sit down at the party!" and LC was like "For real?" and Heidi was all, "Nuh-uh" and LC was like "Guys! You'll get me in trouble!" Whatevs!
Yes, The Hills has officially arrived. Serving as the first spin-off of Laguna Beach, the show premiered on MTV tonight, and while there's none of that high school je ne sais quoi, I still found myself regrettably enthralled by the silly antics of Lauren Conrad and her fledgling career. Plus, who can deny the gleeful idiocy of LC's new sidekick, Heidi? The girl makes Paris Hilton and Jessica Simpson seem like future candidates for the Nobel Prize. Ah yes. It shall be a delightful summer.
The big show opened up with LC packing up her bags and heading out of The 'Guna. My Tivo unfortunately cut off all but the last few seconds of this, but I imagine I didn't miss much beyond some lame narration about moving to Los Angeles. As she drove off in her car, I could almost hear the Natasha Beddingfield playing in my ears. Oh wait, I really was hearing it. Yes, the credits soon rolled and were set to that life-empowering ditty, "Unwritten." You know, the song that encourages us to feel the rain on our skin. I never knew that sensory awareness of precipitation was such an integral key to self-empowerment, but hey, what do I know?
Anyway, the credits offered up some tasty clues as to who this season's main players would be. There was Lauren, of course. No longer "LC," but we'll still call her that. We then saw... Audrina, or as I like to call her, "Girl with the dumb name." And there was Morgan S.! I didn't know she was on this show! Oh wait, it was just a girl named Whitney. Rounding out the cast was the aforementioned Heidi, and that was it. Just four girls! No boys or other random people. I find this very suspect. Maybe the producers are trying to emulate a Sex in the City core. Except dumber.
Well, this premiere episode had the very Laguna-esque title, "New City, New Drama." What great adventures would await? Might LC chip a nail? Would Heidi become baffled by a parking meter? Or would the girls find themselves at a Fro-Yo shop without their punch card??? The possibilities were endless!
Anyway, we saw various footage of LC's new neighborhood, and yes, I was quite happy to note that apparently this show was filmed five blocks away from my apartment. How the hell did I miss this?? I was so busy eating crickets and playing Dance Dance Revolution that I completely overlooked the Laguna alums in my 'hood. Note to self: stalk LC later tonight.
Nevertheless, we found LC sauntering into her new abode at the Hillside Villas, and guess who was tanning by the pool? The one and only Heidi. Some people may not remember Heidi, but she showed up from time to time on Laguna, usually to offer sidekick-y advice to LC and ask banal, plot-advancing questions like "So, what's up with you and Steven? Are you going to have dinner together?"
Anyway, Heidi was more than thrilled to see LC (a.k.a. her ticket to fame). "I was so lonely!" Heidi squealed. Translation: "I can't wait to be your high profile sidekick! What shall we do first, Master?"
Apparently Heidi had been at the apartment for some time but hadn't actually moved in. She wanted to do it with LC -- sort of like a bonding thing. Read all about it and other bonding techniques in the book, "Bonding for IDIOTS." Nevertheless, the girls walked into their apartment, and I instantly hated them. They had a freakin' duplex. Okay, I'm not going to whine. It's great that their parents have worked hard so that they can provide for their kids, but seriously, a duplex? Excuse me while I writhe with jealousy in the corner for a moment.
Before LC could even absorb the magnitude of her new digs, her cell phone rang, and yes, that ringtone was Journey's "Anyway You Want It." Delightful. LC answered the call, and while we couldn't hear the conversation on the other end, we could tell by LC's dilating pupils that something major was happening. Turns out that, like OMG, Teen Vogue had an event that night and the interview LC was going to have that afternoon was now in like twenty minutes!! OMG!!! This wasn't set up at all!!
Oh, I forgot to mention that LC was interviewing for a Teen Vogue internship. Hmmm... Wonder if she'll get it?
Well, with the pressure on to get to the Teen Vogue offices, what else was there to do but cue the Rihanna and watch LC hustle into a tall office building on Wilshire Avenue. Oh the hectic life of a young ingenue in the city!
We then met LC's future boss, the editor of Teen Vogue, Lisa Love. Yes, that was her name. She wasn't as scary and disturbing looking as 8th and Ocean's Irene Marie, but she still managed to be a bit off-putting. Whereas Irene was like a collagen version of Janice from The Muppet Show, Lisa Love had more of a wrinkly, WASPy appearance. Kind of like a long lost Shriver.
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