Like OMG! Gnarly Love! - 
by B-side
Like OMG! Did you even see The Hills?? Jason totally came back and was all like "Hey LC, I miss you" and she was like "I miss you too, but you hurt me" and he was like "I don't know what I was thinking" and she was all "Do I trust you?" and he was like "[quiet murmur]" and she was like "I'm gonna drink from my cup and smile a little" and he was like "Let's go to the movies" and she was all "we're the only ones in the theater" and he was like "Maybe have some salmon" and she was like "I don't really like salmon" and Jason was like "But salmon is gnarly!" and then LC and Jason totally like OMG! I don't want to spoil it! You totally have to read the recap!
For those of you who couldn't decipher my TeenBabble, let me translate: last night's episode of The Hills featured the triumphant return of J-Wahl, né Jason. Yes, the hirsute, verbally-challenged suitor of Lauren Conrad attempted to win back her heart after he had so callously broken it last season on Laguna Beach. But would he triumph? Well, that's like asking if Heidi struggles reading "Walk/Don't Walk" signs. The answer: of course.
Anyway, this week's episode began on an informative note. LC, slouched on her bed, called out to her roommate and asked, "How do you get rid of hiccups?"
"What?" replied Heidi, adding, "Seriously. What are hiccups? I don't know big words."
LC then repeated the question, and this time Dr. Heidi Von Schnitzelhead was able to weigh in with her official prescription: "Drink water upside down and put a pencil in your mouth." All together now: whaaa? Other home remedies from the desk of Heidi Von Schnitzelhead, MD: for headaches, stand on one leg and hum "We Are The World"; for back pain, crawl into a burlap sack and roll across a living room; and for a stuffy nose, apply masking tape to your cheeks and fly a kite.
Seriously. Drink water upside down and put a pencil in your mouth? I've heard of the water idea, but the pencil made no sense. Luckily, LC asked the question that was on everyone's mind: "Is that possible." The answer, in short, is NO.
Sadly, this foray into alternative, pencil medicines was short-lived as the apartment's doorbell soon rang. Who could it be? Jason? Nope. Just flower. Scratch that. GIANT flowers. Yes, a delivery man hauled in what seemed to be one fourth of the rain forest, and as he put the floral arrangement down on a table, Heidi asked, "Do we need to sign anything?" She then added, "Because I do not know how to write. Could be a big problem, Mr. Flower Man."
Anyway, LC emerged from her den of hiccuping hell to inspect this botanical offering, and as she read the attached card, Heidi asked, "Who did you get a tree from? Your mother?" It was a fair question. The Conrads have a long, sordid history of sending oversized plants to one another. You should see the Weeping Willow her dad imported for Christmas.
Turns out the flowers were from Jason (surprise, surprise), and the attached note read, "To Lauren. Love, Jason. I miss you." Not to be nitpicky, but shouldn't the content of the missive be before the valediction, not after? You know, like any normal letter? Just go with me on this, but maybe Jason should have written, "To Lauren. I miss you. Love, Jason." Okay, I'm being crazy. I apologize.
Well, Heidi laughed at Jason's longing, saying that of course he missed LC, but she didn't miss him. Or did she? As we gazed into LC's ambiguous eyes, we then cut to the opening credits, thus leaving us with quite the cliffhanger! Sort of. Okay, we all know they're gonna get back together. No need to prolong this. Nevertheless, after Natasha Beddingfield was done singing about whatever, we then learned the title of this episode: "Lauren and Jason, Take Two." Oooh! The prospects for romance were larger than ever! Might we see a mumbled token of affection? Or a hesitant gaze into the distance? Or maybe, just maybe, a nostalgic ride in the Hot Rod of Courtship?
Memmmmories... light the corners of my mind...
Misty water-colored memories...
Of the way we were...
Anyway, we then headed deep into the dark recesses of the Teen Vogue offices where Whitney and LC were stuck doing their manual labor of the day. And by "manual labor," I mean "like totally talking about boys!" As you can imagine, the conversation quickly drifted onto Jason, at which point Whitney asked, "What's his name?" C'mon, Whitney. Are you a total idiot? Haven't you ever seen LC's show? You know, Laguna Beach. Let me tell you all something. If I'm ever working with some girl who's on or been on a reality show, you can rest assured that I'm googling that bitch faster than you can say "stalker." I'm not even joking.
Well, since Whitney was apparently completely oblivious to the storied history of the 'Guna, LC filled her in on everything, including that notorious night at the landslide fashion show benefit when Jason like totally kissed Jessica! Ah, the innocence of high school. If anyone was missing those days of no responsibility, it was Heidi, who was presently languishing at her alleged "dream job" at Bolthouse Productions. As if it wasn't bad enough that she couldn't party in the clubs, she now had to deal with the constant headache that was "work." And to illustrate just how much "work" she had, we saw several shots of people dumping stuff on Heidi's desk. One guy named Rob went so far as to bring over seven binders and request that they be filed in the library. OH, THE HORRORS! SEVEN whole binders? She might have to make two trips!!
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