Now, putting it out of your head just how fortunate it was for Julie to have this whole situation become so advantageous to her, there is a gross irony that the writers have let just hang out there that has not been lost on the readers. Namely, how in the hell does Ryan not start asking about his own paternity questions when it comes to Theresa? Hmm, a woman has a baby, doesn't know the father, but pretends that he is the father because it will be better for the baby. It's not like I predicted this would happen last year.

How in the hell does this not even register into his self-righteous head? Some of you may say that since Theresa said she had a miscarriage, Ryan never questioned the paternity. That's well and good, but Theresa is now at least eight months into her pregnancy. I know that Ravi Nawat is now doing some show on CBS and that it may be difficult for her to make an appearance on our little show, unless she decided to have an abortion when she lied to Ryan about the miscarriage, she is going to be dropping that baby any day now. If the writers simply overlook this little item and simply have Theresa show up with a newborn at some later date, The OC will have officially become (even more) stupid.

It turns out that it is investigation week here on the OC. Caleb is doing a DNA test, and the Feds are visiting the Cohen's. Special agents Shamrock[that should be Stonerock - ed.] and Tooter, besides having the least-believable FBI agent names in history right after the duo of Pineapple and Cooter, are in to ask some questions about Max's death, and perhaps gain a little insight into Rebecca's life. Obviously Sandy and Kirsten are still having issues about Rebecca's presence, and Kirsten hasn't even figured out how stupid Sandy was last week when he kissed his little Patty Hearst[thanks for the correction Jack]. The latest problem? Kirsten says that she wants to attend Max's service because she knows that Max was important to him. There's going to be a slight problem with that, however. You see, Rebecca is a fugitive, so the service is going to consist of Sandy and Rebecca.

So, here I am thinking "Is Sandy going to bury Max in his backyard or something?". And surely there is somebody who might want to attend his service other than his daughter. Berkeley isn't that far away, just throw the coffin in the back of the Rover and head up the 5. Which one of the Max's Berkeley colleagues is going to name names or turn Rebecca in? Instead, Rebecca and Sandy decide to spread his ashes over the ocean. Now, I know that Sandy might not have been the most devout Jew with his habit of marrying shicksas and celebrating all of those gentile holidays, but couldn't they have given the poor guy a proper burial? (My special correspondent from inside temple says that plain pine box would be vessel of choice.) And I wonder how many times people throw ashes out into the ocean from the pier. I mean, it's not very far, all of that shit is likely to wash back onto shore. As if I needed any other reason to stay out of the Santa Monica waters.

There is more than one identity crisis in Newport. Marissa has now officially signed up for the Lilith Fair lawn seats, but just how comfortable is she to be there? The only people who know about her involvement with Alex are her and Alex, and when she tries to tell Summer the first time around, she has some difficulty. She said she had company for Valentine's, but when Summer pressed to find out the new person in Coop's life, Marissa said she hung with her mom. Alex had wanted Marissa to invite Summer over to a gathering she was having at her house that weekend, but Marissa instead invited Summer to Lindsay's adoption party (yes, an adoption party).

When Marissa pops in on Alex after seeing Summer, she is surprised to find that many of Alex's friends have already showed up. You might have called the party "The Ehteridge Treehouse" because there was definitely no boys allowed on the inside. Marissa, already feeling strange about her feelings takes one look at all of the lesbians, sort of freaks out, and tells Alex she really just wanted to stop in and say hi, but will come over after she gets done with Caleb's party. She then gets into her Mustang, which I just realized is a convertible and is not on sale yet.

What is Seth doing about his little problem about his obsession with knowing Summer's sex life? Well, after he asked Zach, Zach told Summer, who interrupted her not so revealing chat to drive over to Seth's and chew him out for being a perv. When she gets there, he has progressed to tearing up all of the pictures he drew of Summer in her badass super hero form. She tells him that he has to get over it, and that he must shower, and that she didn't have sex with Zach. She leaves, and Seth all of a sudden has found new hope. Are we supposed to believe that Seth is in love with Summer, but would all of a sudden realize it is over when Summer has sex with another guy? And isn't it a double standard to think that if Summer sleeps with Zach, the Summer/Seth relationship is over, but Seth can be banging Alex, and it will have no impact on the future? What if it was just a blow job? Can Seth deal with that?

Posted by J-Unit on February 20, 2005 8:45 PM