So Much For That Experiment - 
by J-Unit
Ah yes, Julie. Her friend Lance is still looking for half a million dollars or he's going to leak some video of Julie Cooper and get his money that way. Julie doesn't know what to do, so she consults the one person she knows that can help her out. No, not her rich husband, but the only lawyer in town she is related to, Sandy Cohen, who tells her she needs to go to the police. Julie doesn't want the police involved, and she also wants to do all of this without getting Caleb involved. She said it was the 80s, she needed money, and it was the 80s. Now I didn't think that San Bernardino was a mecca for porn back then, but let's pretend it was and go on with the story.
We are used to seeing Julie as an antagonist or for comic effect, but it was obvious from her reaction that she had nowhere left to turn. She was desperate for Sandy to help, and it wasn't just for her own image. Her relationship with Marissa was in such a place that she feared her daughter would never talk to her if she found out about what she had done. She said this with greatest sincerity, and for good reason. Her other daughter isn't speaking to her because she was sent away to boarding school so very long ago, and hasn't been seen since. And while he is always willing to help, Sandy will never pass up an opening for a joke, he makes a Boogie Nights reference, and promises there will be a lot more.
While all of that was happening, Kirsten made a visit to Carter, only to find him drunk and listening to old music. Just in case you hadn't realized that you shouldn't live in the past, the writers want to show you how bad it is when that is what you obsess about. Carter is complaining about his failed marriage, and he can't stand that he is going to end up working for a magazine dedicated to 55 year old women who have 25 year old breasts (I guess they have been reading their Brentwood Magazine). He says she should find somebody else, and she decides to leave
About halfway through the episode, the writers make their first Valley reference. Seth is sitting around complaining how it was so much better last year. Marissa had convinced Ryan to help out with the bonfire, so they decided to meet at her place. First, Ryan needed some inspiration, so he asked for Captain Oats. Seth is still very attached to his toy horse, so he makes some sort of strange horse molestation joke. Thankfully, Ryan punched Seth, something that a lot of us had wanted to do all year, as annoying as Cohen has been at points this season. Tough guy Ryan(or his absence, to be exact) was also one of our complaints about this season. Just in case you didn't know people were complaining about it, Seth mentions it as well.
Ryan gets to Marissa's place. Alex is at work, so they have the entire place to themselves. There are clothes everywhere and beer bottles are strewn all over the place, kind of like the TVgasm offices after one of our parties. Actually, that is how the offices look most of the time, but Marissa and Alex's place looks worse. When he gets there, they get to work modeling the bonfire using popsicle sticks and glue. They needed Captain Oats because they need the correct proportion of a horse. Ryan is an architect and a carpenter, not a bad combination.
They go about their business and have an awkward hug, a hug witnessed by Alex. Alex had visited Seth earlier that evening(who desperately tried to find out if Alex and Marissa had taken any interesting pictures of their relationship), and since he was not very smooth, he let the little secret out that Marissa was not just stuck in the mall with everybody else, she was about to share a tent with Ryan too. Well, it was just over after that. If there is any threat to the propagation of true lesbian love, it is nefarious nylon tent cohabitation under times of duress. At least that is what the statistics say.
Alex had been sitting outside of her apartment, drinking a beer, working herself up into a tizzy about her girlfriend. As Ryan is walking away from the apartment, Alex throws a beer bottle at him and tells him to stay away from Marissa. Ryan is a huge pussy, but even in his season 2 pussiness level, he has no problem standing up to a girl. He tells her to walk away, she pushes him, and we think they are about to fight, but even Ryan can't hit a girl.
I was sort of confused about Alex complaining about the tent thing, but I realized it speaks to a larger problem. Marissa lies all of the time, and this was just another example of that. They yell at each other a little more, and Marissa finally leaves and seeks out Summer for some help. Summer braids her hair, and they talk about their problems. It is evident to everybody that Marissa is in way over her head, she just can't admit it. If only there was somebody that she would really listen to that could convince her to go back home. Her mom had tried earlier, but Marissa is too proud to let her mom win this argument.
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