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Back in Miami, Seth is schooling a guy in a wheelchair on how to play shuffleboard, when out of nowhere, a hot girl named Mary Sue(played by the delicious Jamie King) decides that she wants to challenge Seth in a game. Loser buys the winner a Boris Yeltsin, which is sort of like a white russian, except you use Ensure instead of milk with your vodka and kahlua. Alright, alright, I made that drink up, but if there was a drink called Boris Yeltsin, don't you think that would be a good recipe? Since Seth hasn't beaten anybody that can walk on two feet without a cane, she kicks his ass. Eventually, she reveals that she needs somebody to help her in a dance contest to win some money for her tuition. Now, we know there are no such things as dance contests at spring break. Every contest that anybody goes to is a wet t-shirt contest that eventually leads to girls either going topless, going naked, making out with other girls on the stage, or some combination of all three.

OK, there are some tamer contests, and they usually go on for the benefits of a television audience. In this case, it is for Music Video Nation's (MVN to you and me) televised spring break special featuring an over the top veejay, a character from "The Valley", and what's this? A musician that could care less if his music was sold at Amoeba? Yes, it's TI, and he's performing "Bring 'Em Out". I guess since Miami isn't as caucasian as Newport Beach, and indie bands don't usually whore themselves out for such things, the producers wanted to show that they were "down" with the "homies". Next week, look for GZA to perform some spoken word. As expected, the contest requires a little bit more than just dancing, like licking whip cream off of Mary Sue and eating a cherry out of her mouth. I am still not convinced that this girl would have been unable to find anybody else in Miami besides Seth to do this, and so I don't really understand why she is going to so much trouble to convince him, but she says it is for tuition, so he says yes. Probably not the type of thing he would want to be doing considering it is likely to be broadcast on national television. And you don't want to be on national television licking whip cream off of anybody when you are trying to show your girlfriend how serious you are about the relationship.

Luckily, Ryan is prudish, and the random girls showing their boobs to him don't faze him. He calls Marissa and tells her that she should keep Summer away from the TV. Best that Seth tell her in person than have her find it out otherwise. Problem is that Marissa is on her way to see Trey. Well, at least he tried, right? Now we all know that Summer is over at Zach's, where he is cooking up some gnocchi, and looking pretty goofy in a tall chef's hat. We all suspect he has feelings for Summer, but he doesn't say anything. He says he is going to be a while, so he decides to turn on the TV. What's playing? MVM's Spring Break. I didn't see that one coming AT ALL.

So, Ryan isn't able to stop it, but Seth has dealt with Summer, it's not like he can't handle her. The problem is that Summer is not the only one who is going to be pissed. Ryan stumbles upon Mary Sue's boyfriend at the bar. He is from a bible college, and he and his bible study friends (they must pray together at the end of every football practice) are looking to bring some vengeance upon whoever it is that has convinced Mary Sue to corrupt her body in front of national television. She might get expelled. Well, the show goes on, and Seth wins. The bible study group sees Seth win, and are about to beat him up (worst teenage spring break contest security ever!), but Ryan gets in the way and the two of them run off, goons on their tail. Eventually, the huge guys caught up to Seth and plastered him with whip cream. He looks pretty bad, but it could have been worse.

Summer and Zach were in the middle of eating when the contest is going on. He is a great cook, and they are amusing themselves watching all of those idiots doing stupid shit on television. "Who is pathetic enough to do that?" asks Summer. And at that time, we see Seth on television, finishing licking up Mary Sue and taking the cherry from her mouth. Summer finds Zach, who had left to get some more gnocchi and sauce, and they start to make out. He didn't even have to wear one of those "Kiss the Cook" aprons. You know, I don't know why nobody kisses me after I make an apple pie.

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Posted by J-Unit on May 8, 2005 7:51 PM