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Dean Hess is not about to take any shit when it comes to disciplining teenagers. When Sandy tells him that he has dealt with troubled kids in the public defender's office (not that we'll ever see him in court), Dean Hess counters that he has a master's in education and has dealt with kids at some of the most prestigious private schools on the east coast. I don't think it really proves anything other than he spent six years learning about theories of learning how to teach learning, and after all that, he was still too big of a pussy to spend time fixing bad schools and decided to dedicate his life to making sure that a bunch of rich white kids aren't too threatened as they grow up learning to be future board members of banks the government has to bail out. BRILLIANT move Hess, I salute you. OH, and if it can get any worse, he seems to be patterning his wardrobe from the entire summer 1994 Ralph Lauren Wedding issue. Seriously, look at those pants. Still, it is Hess that gets to make the final decision, and he decides he won't be a complete bastard. He's going to revue the cases and let Ryan and Marissa know that night about their decision.

While all of this was going on, Marissa and Summer were busy with Marissa's next big school event, the kickoff carnival. Marissa has a binder that has more pages than the New Orleans and Louisiana Hurricane Evacuation plan, and she is not letting any of it go to waste. When she gets to her meeting, however, there is another girl at the podium giving orders. What the hell is that bitch doing? This is Marissa Cooper; she's tall, pretty, and wears Chanel, you can't just take over the kickoff carnival without consequences. The girl in question, Taylor Townsend (who must be evil because her name is an alliteration), has been trying to take Marissa's place as social chair since freshman year, and she has been thwarted every time. Even though Marissa has missed school for drinking, drugs, lesbian experimentation, Mexican gardener experimentation, her father losing her job and moving out of the state to live on a boat, she always manages to come back and put on a great show. We all remember the Snow C and the prom, right? It looks like being acquitted for attempted murder or second degree manslaughter or whatever the writers failed to tell us was happening last week also failed to take Coop down. She's back again and puts Taylor Towsend back in her place.

At Grand Horizons or whatever vague, uplifting, metaphor they used to name Kirsten's rehab clinic, Kirsten is preparing to leave. She pauses as she is packing her clothes, perhaps thinking about what she said last week. She knows that the program says she is ready, but she is still worried that she may be "broken" and doesn't want to go back home and let her family down again. She is silently contemplating what to do, but luckily for her, Charlotte has been staring at her from the background. I know that Josh Schwartz said that Kirsten and Charlotte weren't going to become sin sisters (a few of my friends found a porno called "Sin Sisters" on the playground when I was around 12; let's just say that movie wasn't exactly what we expected), but the lesbianish overtones to their shared scenes is just impossible to ignore.

Charlotte walks in and Kirsten once again confesses her apprehension about going back, and Charlotte agrees that it can be tough. She says that sometimes it is hard to go from their sheltered life to the real world, much like it is difficult to go from Boston Public to - uh, OK, it's great to be miles away from a David E. Kelley show. She continues and says that she is planning on staying at her father's house on Lake Arrowhead. It's miles away from civilization, and just perfect if you are planing on re-enacting scenes from all kinds of movies like "Misery," "Single White Female" and "Cape Fear." Sounds like an AWESOME time.

We all know that Kirsten shouldn't go, but she doesn't know how crazy Charlotte is yet. She tells Sandy about her plan, and he is for the most part happy. He is kind of worried that if she isn't ready for the outside world she should just stay in rehab, but if his wife says if she needs a halfway house, so be it. As she says, she needs to know that when she goes home, it is going to be for good. When they reach Lake Arrowhead, I am still trying to figure out how they are going to progress with this story, and things just seem strange. Charlotte had trouble with a lock, which shouldn't mean anything, but we know she is crazy so maybe she chopped the real owner's head off and it is in a freezer in the basement next to the banana bread and rum cake. Once inside, she says she is going to teach Kirsten how to cook, and just to show everybody she isn't crazy and is not going to kill Kirsten or make a necklace from her ears or a lamp from her boobs, she says to invite Sandy over.

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Posted by J-Unit on September 16, 2005 2:12 AM