Rageaholics Anonymous - 
by J-Unit
It's nipple week here at TVgasm, and I only say that because the search engines really seem to like us when we mention things like Mischa Barton, Marissa Cooper, The OC, nipple, boob, slip, oops, etc. in the same sentence. We never imagined what one barely discernable breast could do for our popularity and our bandwidth bills, but needless to say we've been a little busier here than we are used to. After everybody has finished squinting at the Mischa video (now downloaded about 350,000 times combined at iFilm and TVgasm), life and the show must go on. Last week, Ryan managed to fight his urges and didn't punch Johnny. Seth, on the other hand, couldn't resist the urge to help Taylor Townsend, who couldn't resist the urge to piss off Summer by keeping her locked out. Sandy resisted the urge, perhaps incorrectly, to sell the Newport Group, and Julie Cooper looked like she had given in to Charlotte's urging her to screw over Kirsten as they were planning their charity bash. This week we were hoping that the truth in all of the situations would be, uh, exposed, once and for all.
One of the things that the producers of The OC love is being able to coin new phrases and establish new trends in popular culture. One of their favorite vehicles to do this is Seth Cohen. We all remember Chrismukkah, and last year a lot of people started talking about comic books and graphic novels like they actually knew the difference between the two. The early returns are in, and it looks like we may have a focus on kung fu movies this year. Seth's interest in the classics of cult cinema have been mentioned before, but when you start out with Master of the Flying Guillotine, you know that things are getting serious. Like many, I had a crazy uncle who liked kung fu movies and owned some nun chucks, but nowadays, I prefer the epic Asian masterpieces like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon or House of Flying Daggers. I'll probably see Memoirs of a Geisha alone so I will be able to deny it brought me to tears the first time I watched it.
By now, you are pretty bored with everything that I am saying, much like Ryan, Marissa, and Summer were going to be bored to death if they had to spend another movie night with Seth and his kung fu masters. The girls thought it would be much better if they instituted a Cheerocracy and watched Bring It On. And while it looked like Ryan and Seth weren't too excited for 90 minutes of "I’m sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot" and "I'm wanted, I'm hot, I'm everything you're not”, let’s be honest; all of us guys will deal with that as long as there is a chance that the girls will get in the mood and want to play with a spirit stick by the end of the movie.
Jokes about Bring It On. How vintage!
All of these things will have to wait because Volchok is on the prowl. He walks into the diner and lets it be known that he is quite upset with the way Ryan blindsided him the other night. Now, we all know that Ryan punched him in the face fair and square, but Volchok wants a rematch, and there is no way that he is going to let a few semantics or Seth's joke stop him. Ryan isn't one to back down from a challenge, but I think he realizes that a lot of people have given him a lot of chances, and he doesn't want to get in a fight and ruin his future in the process.
The next day at school, Seth is still worried about Ryan. He knows what Ryan should do, but there is no telling what his alter ego Kid Chino will do. Ryan assures him that Kid Chino is retired and he has hung up the hoodie. I am not sure if Seth is convinced, but he has his own problem to deal with. In the last episode, he helped Taylor Townsend's lock-in from becoming a complete and utter disaster with his inventive games and grace under fire and flying footwear. Unfortunately, his random act of kindness made him a target for Taylor Townsend's limitless amounts of affection. Seth was not only the person that treated her the nicest in recent memory (lecherous deans looking for easy ass access do not count), he was pretty much the only one, and Taylor wanted to return the favor.
In truth, Seth found out that Taylor wasn't that bad. She really teeters on the edge from sweet and nice to crazy and psychotic, however, and when she starts talking about asking Seth to help her plan the next dance, he quickly realizes that he has to abort whatever is going on. A) He doesn't really like dances other than dancing with his girlfriend and B) his girlfriend, who he still loves very much, would kill him if she ever found out that he didn't hate her with a passion. It upsets Summer enough when he seems completely unsympathetic to the bruised hand she has from pounding the door on the side of the gymnasium trying to get back in.
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