Recap: The OC: The Neverending Death of Marissa Cooper - 
by Umnata
When does J-Unit's busy schedule become Umnata's blessing? When the big guy doesn't have time to post The O.C. recap, that's when! I'm the first to admit that this show pretty much has been heading to TJ in a hand basket since mid-season 1 (yeah, I'm talking to you, Oliver). Obviously things reached their nadir when Johnny showed up and stumbled off a cliff and the only way to salvage the show was to kill Mischa Barton in a horrific car accident. Now many people out there were ripped to shreds when Coop died in the arms of Ryan at the end of last season. I had my own mixed feelings about it. Was 90210 ever really 90210 post-Brenda? The answer is no. But the difference here is that I knew Brenda Walsh, and YOU Marissa Cooper are NO Brenda Walsh. I suspected that the show could benefit from the loss of Mischa's stiff acting and bony back. Sure I had concerns - would this mean that Ryan's soul mate would turn out to be, barf, Theresa? Will the show be pretty enough without Mischa (who say what you will about her, err, talents is rather easy on the eyes)? Would Seth explode if he didn't reach a new limit of 250 obscure pop culture references per episode?
So let's just say I had already drawn my line in the Newport Beach sand when I heard that the Newpsies would be up against the new loves of my Thursday life, The Seattle Gracies. Sorry, Atwood, Sethala, Kiki, JuJu, Sum and Sandy Cohen's eyebrows, but we've broken up and I've found someone else. A little older, a little more mature, and with lots of great prescription meds at their disposal. But a funny thing happened on the way to The Pomp. There was a Blitzkrieg of Madonna-Baby-Adoption proportions PR touting Season 4 as The O.C.'s best yet. Since I'm an American under the age of 25 raised on MTV and video games, all I know how to do is jump on a bandwagon and believe everything that the press tells me. Could it be? The best OC season ever? Better than Ryan holding Coop in his arms as she overdoses in TJ? Better than Seth confessing his love to Summer atop a coffee cart? Better than the constant bombardment of overly ironic, distractingly knowing self-parody set to painfully sincere covers of painfully sincere alternative songs of the last 15 years? This I would have to see to believe...
Now I didn't say that I didn't LIKE the "painfully sincere covers of painfully sincere alternative songs of the last 15 years", which is all but evident by the fact that I've already downloaded and put into heavy rotation Placebo's cover of Kate Bush's "Running Up That Hill", the soundtrack to the beginning and end of this episode. Ugh, I can't wait until Jack's Mannequin covers "Every Rose Has its Thorn.", because you know it's inevitable and you know it'll be rad. It's been 5 months since Coop perished in the Volchek-caused car accident. As she lay in Ryan's arms with a few coughs and gasps left in her skeletal frame (perhaps a <
The next scene was sort of confusing because outside of the seedy bar that Ryan is living in the Cohen Lexus pulls up. Yeah, you read right, he's living IN the bar. It's an upgrade if you ask me (and my poor, poor liver). At first I thought it was pretty neat that although he doesn't live there anymore, he still has access to the Cohen's fine automobile. But silly me I was just confused, because it's not Ryan in the car, it's just Sandy and his eyebrows. He got a hot tip and found out that Ryan was living and working in the Chino version of Cheers. It's just like the regular Cheers, where everyone knows your name... and has Hepatitis! Sandy is directed over the storage closet that Ryan calls home and starts imploring for the young hunk to come home. Ryan seems to listen for a second, until he escapes out the window to his mystery destination. Hmm, I realize that this is a big trauma but isn't this the second time in three years that Ryan has runaway from the Cohens? It's a little annoying.
At Julie Cooper-Nicoll-Roberts's home, our poor depressed JuJu is taking stock of her medicine cabinet: Oxycotton: Check. Prozac: Check. Mmm, Elephant Tranquilizers: Check and Check. Julie makes a selection, and heads downstairs where Kaitlin is putting on the Thigh high assassin boots she borrowed from Angelina Jolie in Mr. & Mrs. Smith. I think that I was one of six people last year who didn't totally hate Willa Holland as troublesome Kaitlin Cooper, so the sight of her doesn't make me convulse. Plus, she looks and sounds just like Mischa (okay, not as pretty, but who is?), and if there is one thing that I'm going to miss about Coop it's the way she always used to speak as if she had Goat balls in her mouth. R.I.P. Julie is shocked to see Kaitlin lounging about, as she should be in school. Tsk, tsk young lady. Kaitlin totally blows her mother's mind by informing her that it's 8 pm. On Saturday! In case you missed it, Julie is really fucked up. That doesn't stop her from heading out for the night however.
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