At The Mermaid Inn, my favorite seedy motel this side of the Econo Lodge that is behind my house, Ryan is having his rendezvous with the mystery caller. He knocks on the door, and, yowser!, its Julie Cooper-Nicholl-Roberts! Hopefully this little tryst will end better than the time Ryan headed over there to (possibly) knock up Theresa and Julie boned poor, dim (and much missed) Luke.

It's now 36 hours earlier (how very Babel of you, Josh Schwartz), and Seth is leaving a long message for his long-distance sweetie Summer, who has "successfully" transplanted herself on the East Coast at Brown. He's telling her all about the goings-on around Newport while she's been gone, somehow making this obvious "plot device" (the whole character rundown) seem all the more natural as a painfully pitiful message on Summer's machine. He informs Summer (us) that Ryan has deferred college for a year and is working at Chino Cheers, Taylor has sent home some photos from her life in gay Paris and Kaitlin has started her plan of Harbor High domination, complete with Luke's twin brothers, Brad and Eric, as her doting minions. The minions maybe my favorite addition to the show this season. One is sort of Albino looking and other one is a Brian Krakow ringer. They don't say much, and just follow Caitlin around like puppy dogs ogling her or whatever other female is in the vicinity. In the words of my best friend Carla, "There is nothing I don't like about these two."

Seth's lame-as-they-come days (he doesn't start RISD until January) consist of boredom and bonding with adults. His dad is back at the public defender's office and Dr. Roberts's boring love of golf is no deterrent to Seth, as he's so desperately in need of companionship. Don't worry, Seth has put away his doobie and self-referential style of the last few years, and is back to the lovable nerd from season one, already one of the best "remedies" that this season premiere offers. It's particularly funny watching Seth bond with the Newpsies, at a luncheon his mother holds. It's also nice to see the Keekster, one of my very favorite characters being part of the social circle she so hates again. Although I have to admit I liked Kirsten better when she was a somewhat inept homemaker and occasional drunk, not a recovering alcoholic and Martha Stewart Clone, but I suppose there are some mistakes that even Marissa's death can't fix.

We see that Summer is listening to this message, but doesn't pick up the phone. Who can blame her? If only every one who called me just told me everything they had to say on my voicemail I wouldn't have to talk to anyone again! Or maybe Summer's just confused by this season we have on the East Coast called "Autumn". All that foliage is enough to cause anyone to go batty. It seems our beloved Summer has taken to Brown's liberal minded sect of students like Ryan Philippe takes to his younger co-stars (I mock through my pain people!). As a matter of fact she even has an activist, hippie new pal in the form of dorm mate Che. Che is played by the sorely missed Chris Pratt, or as we have come to know and love him in that displaced hamlet, Everwood, Bright Abbott. It seems that Summer has fallen under Che's hippie spell, and become involved in any activist activity available, today being "Save the Chickens."

Even though one who knows Summer as well as I do can tell that our Valley Girl isn't 100% into her new found life as a protestor, it seems to suit her for right now. She did just lose her best friend after all, and it beats cage fighting. Plus, Summer has rarely looked better, so I'm hoping that I'll be able to persuade Che and Summer to join my "War on Paris" campaign that I've mentioned in some of my other recaps. The world just isn't safe while that Hilton girl is out there, able to procreate. Or speak at will.

It seems that Seth isn't just hanging around the pre-AARP set of Newport, but he's also got a (my) dream job of working at the local comic book store. One of the highlights is when Seth sends a little girl crying from the store for having the audacity to ask for a comic book based on the X-Men movies. Yeah, right, girl in a comic book store...

Anyway, Kirsten pops by because she has nothing to do all day now that the Newport Group is sold, she's not on the sauce, and 7 of 9 isn't pulling her strings. She has a care package for Ryan, which she sends along with Seth to Chino Cheers, along with a request for him to join the Cohens for dinner. Seth is pretty Debbie Downer about the whole thing insisting that both the package and the invitation will go to waste, but who can say no to Kirsten? They should really just send Kirsten to talk to Ryan. She'd have him packed, and possibly crying, with Coldplay in the background, in 2 minutes tops.

Although I hate to see Julie in pain, she is hysterical playing a domestic goddess gone insane. At the homestead she is brutally murdering some hedges much to the dismay of the on looking Dr. Roberts. He approaches her, lucky not to lose a limb, and suggests that perhaps there is a happy medium between a pill-popping zombie and a Rachel Ray doppelganger. Dr. Roberts gently pushes the Marissa is DEAD DEAD DEAD issue, but Julie dismisses him. She does realize, however, that she should leave the hedges to the gardener, so she can finally tackle that grass table top she has been working on. The only good news here is that Decoupage is the last step in the grieving process, so we'll be out of the woods shortly.

Posted by Umnata on November 6, 2006 11:00 AM