Gossip Girl: Hypocrites in the Hamptons
It's been a long summer, but finally -- Gossip Girl is back!
Nate serving his one and only purpose.
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September 4, 2008
Project Runway: Mr. Toad's Wild Ride
This week on Project Runway, Kenley cries because she's sick of working for K Mart. Seriously. Let's go!!
Blue Light. WAAAHHHHHHH
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Date My Ex: A Classic Bro-Mance
"At last. The grand culmination of our charade."
I feel it only fair to warn you that tonight's episode of Date My Ex takes about 30 seconds worth of information and stretches it into an entire hour of sub-par programming. I kid you not. It is my pleasure to bring to you a retelling of this programming, along with my own thoughts on the matter, so read on if you dare. See you on the flipside!
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September 3, 2008
The Hills: Boys Are Kind Of Icky
Well, with the Olympics finished and the DNC out of the way, young people had nothing else remotely political or cultural to do this week. So, they watched a bunch of blondies make scrunched-up, "hmm, that's a shame" faces whenever they talk about how lame boys are, and Kelly Cutrone secure her position as most awesome of any man, woman or See-You-Next-Tuesday who's ever been on "The Hills." Cheerio, old lady!
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Big Brother: Look Who's Talking OH MY GOD, IT HAS FANGS
Soooo...didn't think I was going to have to call a priest over to my house this evening to exorcise the demon babies from my DVR. Thanks a lot, show.
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September 2, 2008
Salon Takeover With Tabatha: Heaven Is A Place In Burbank?
Have you ever met someone who so completely and utterly and pointlessly pushes every single irritation, aggravation and frustration button that you have ever been wired with, mostly all at the same time, and they are amazingly able to accomplish this just by opening their mouth?...
...this is him...
You're all in for a real treat, because on tonight's episode of Salon Takeover With Tabatha we are introduced to quite possibly the most annoying thick-headedly obstinate queen you will ever see on your TV screen (with the possible exception of Senator Larry Craig) and find out that Belinda Carlisle was totally correct... heaven is a place on Earth... specifically, Burbank, California. Before the hour is through, you'll be wishing you had a chainsaw like in the last episode. Fireworks and screaming follow after the jump!
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TVgasm Fall Predictions: New Shows
Predicting the future is a TVgasm tradition. Sometimes we're dead on, and sometimes we are waaaaay too trusting of America's taste levels. Either way, it's fun ripping stuff to shreds that we haven't even seen yet. Join us, won't you?
Your sister in law died playing Human Tetris and says that you should try to smoke less.
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September 1, 2008
Million Dollar Listing: Breast Cancer Hurts Less
This week on Million Dollar Listing, Chad goes to Vegas, fights with Victoria, and meets the true daughter of Satan - Lauren. You will hate her. Madison helps a friend buy a house and deals with his sexual issues in a very After-School Special kind of way. Trust Fund helps people buy a house. I, meanwhile, wonder who the hell thought that people selling houses to other people on TV was a good idea. And then I drink to numb the pain.
Please jump.
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Making the Band: Donnie Klang Klang Klang Goes the Trolley!
The title for this recap has absolutely nothing to do with this week's episode of Making the Band. I just think Brillo's name is funny. Donnie KLANG. KLANG?! That's awesome! Also, my apologies for the lateness of this recap. I had to spend the week at a little convention in Denver.
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Big Brother: Yap Yap Yap
Previously on Big Brother, all the jerkfaces were eliminated, and now there are five people left and I really like four of them. That's not how it's supposed to happen on this show! Don't you know I'm supposed to despise every last one of you by now? DON'T YOU? Quick, one of you call somebody a racially charged name or burn somebody with a cigarette or something so I feel less awkward! Do it, NOW!
August 31, 2008
Chickbomb's Deep Thoughts On The New 90210
Hello gorgeous dolls, and happy end of summer! I'm sorry I had to leave you temporarily, I promise you it wasn't by choice, but if there's one thing that could get my ass back to you it's the new Beverly Hills 90210!
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August 29, 2008
Shear Genius: Finale - A 'Do And A Don't Together!
Heer we aaaa! I can't believe that 10 weeks (and most of the summer) has flown by so damn fast! It seems like only yesterday we were being bullshitted by Motion Lotion Oshun, annoyed by Parker Poser the Prick, gay-baited by Straight Guy Matthew, entertained by Drag Queen Meredith, saddened by Emo Gail, prozac'ed by Female Glenn, blamed by Exotic Nekisa, eye-rolled by Über-Gay Paulo and backteased by Dallas Daniel. *sigh* It all just went by way too quickly...
...are you hearing OMD's "If You Leave"???... I am... *snif*...
...I will cure my sadness on the occasion of recapping our final episode of Season 2 of Shear Genius by snarfing down an entire Domino's pizza, a bag of pork rinds, a 2-liter of Diet Dr. Pepper (to offset the pizza and pork rinds) and a Sara Lee Pound Cake. And some Skittles. Plus maybe some Easy Cheese™ directly from the can. Whatever it takes to keep my strength up. Oh, and a buttload of TUMS. Let's get it 'tarded after the jump...
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I Love Money: Stab Wound
Previously on I Love Money, Rodeo rode on home and we found out there are no more teams. No more teams?! How will we ever cope? Find out after the jump!
Big Brother: The Donkey and the Elephant Are Both Losers
Tonight on Big Brother, I thought I missed the double elimination because of the stupid election coverage running late and got really really mad and ate half a pizza and then BB came on after all and I felt really guilty and vowed to start dieting again tomorrow. Thankfully, I wasn't wearing my cross when I made the vow cuz it's technically tomorrow now and I still have half a pizza in the fridge.
Barack, John, you are both evicted.
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August 28, 2008
Project Runway: Don't Carry a Dowdy Chicken On Your Shoulder
This week on Project Runway, I'm older and more spiritual. So suck it.
Sebelia cheated. Now on with the judging!
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