After a trip down to San Diego where everybody got a chance to gamble and watch Charro perform live on stage, the group was ready to head back to Los Angeles, but not before they stopped along the way for some surf lessons. I used to think Jordan Knight simply sucked, but now it is becoming tiring even making fun of him for sucking. Dave was afraid of Flavor Flav's snoring, so he slept in the closet of their suite. Jordan was afraid of human interaction, so he slept in the RV. Charro slept in her suite, and Ryan and Brigitte lied about performing to get a comped room. Apparently all of the people who went to Harrah's Casino didn't realize royalty was in the parking lot, so they made noise as they were coming and going, like they were supposed to be enjoying themselves or something.

Seeking to make sure nobody else is getting any sleep, Jordan decides to wake everybody else up. To do this, he decides to do his best Chris Farley impression and performs his interpretation "housekeeeeping!" routine from Tommy Boy. Chris Farley does it well, anybody who is stoned can make it at least sound funny, but Jordan could not say it and be funny at the same time. He eventually wakes Brigitte, and we discover she wears thongs about three sizes too small. After some breakfast the crew piled into the RV where Flavor Flav was ready to get rolling. Dave drove down to San Diego, so Flav said he wanted to drive back, a situation everybody was trying to avoid, considering Flav had his licensed suspended quite a few times. Eventually they said he could drive if he produced his license, which proved impossible because he had left it somewhere else. Flav was upset and decided to shut it down, apparently unable to stand how his roommates wouldn't trust him. I tend to agree that Flav should have been able to drive. It is not impossible to believe that he is properly licensed, and I am sure he has driven the Public Enemy tourbus without any problems, and was probably able to do it while stoned. The RV should have been no problem. Out of all the arguments against Flav driving, Brigitte came ahead saying "It's not personal. For example, I had two beers this morning. If I got behind the wheel, I would get arrested. If Mr. F got behind the wheel with no license, he would be arrested."

The surfing portion of the show was very entertaining, mainly because the chosen surfing mentors, the Willis brothers, were intent on making inane analogies and metaphors about surfing and its relation to life and energy, and everything else you can imagine. It sounded like a couple heavy pot smokers after a couple of rounds at the vaporizer. You know, you find some sort of miraculous energy in everything you see, and take time to absorb the inner wisdom of writings you had previously thought were boring, like the menu for Kung Pao Bistro. After some ramblings about waves and their power, and how rising above the wave's greatness transcended your own greatness or some shit like that, it was time for people to get in the water. Dave and Brigitte dove right in, and after seeing a cute instructor, Ryan Starr had a go. Charro's wrist was sore, so she didn't want to risk and injury that could cost her two or three months of her livelihood, which is a fairly good excuse. I am sure you get some carpal-tunnel after playing the guitar for forty years. This brings us back to the subject of Jordan Knight, who refused to get into the water. Yes, it looked cold, but God, it's not like they didn't have towels and blankets to keep everybody warm. Not only does he suck, he seems to be a huge pussy. To his credit, he did cheer everybody on, but Charro had more enthusiasm when she was cheering (I know, hard to believe), so I guess he still sucks.

That leaves us with Flavor Flav. Flav was unhappy about a lot of things. Brigitte had hooked up with a dancer from Charro's band the evening before, and then started to kiss one of the surf instructors. He wasn't aloud to drive, and so he said he said he was going to shut down and that it just might be one of those days were "people don't get a good day out of Flavor Flav". Well, he changed his mind after several minutes of brainwashing, er, persuading from one of the Willis brothers. He talked about a historic moment of bridging the hip hop community with the surf community, which would bring a whole new level of understanding for everybody throughout the world. Since his little attention ploy worked, Flav was safe to try and surf, and after many tries, he was able to catch a wave to the shore. For his efforts, he won the surfer of the day award, and with it a surfboard with all of his roommate's portraits on it. Everybody was happy, even Flav, who said his roommate's love him, but not enough to let him drive.

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Posted by J-Unit on October 5, 2004 2:36 PM