The show began innocently enough with its downright creepy opening circus montage and early morning scenes of the houseguests. Instead of the normal 7 C-listers, there were 9. Apparently Janice Dickinson (The World's First Supermodel™) made the show's producers agree to allow her hair and makeup guys (Duke and Gabriel) prepare her for each day's shooting. I guess because she's Janice Dickinson (World's First Supermodel™), she can do these things. Oddly, she wasn't the least bit embarrassed by this extravagance but rather, seemed to revel in it. I'm just surprised that Duke and Gabriel signed the consent form, seeing as though their 2 hours of work made the old hag (and World's First Supermodel™) appear only slightly less old and haggish.

Once she was dolled up, the show could proceed with the day's first planned event - a Jose Canseco book signing. As everyone is undoubtedly aware, Jose recently wrote a book called "Juiced" in which he essentially said everyone in baseball is on steroids, including such media darlings as Mark McGwire. Initially, it appeared the entire crowd consisted of little kids, so there'd be no fireworks. Jose did joke (though he was probably somewhat serious) about security and that some people may want to shoot him. "Or maybe McGwire will send someone." Wow, the steroid charges were dicey enough, now he's saying McGwire is capable of hiring a hitman? Quick, someone call a congressional hearing! Once the little kids got their books, some older fanboys made their way to the table - and some of them were not happy. Jose Canseco is a big dude - a REALLY big dude. Some of these little twits, secure in the knowledge that they were on camera, tested the wife-beating convicted felon with things like, "Please sign the book 'To Matt, sorry I killed baseball.'" Five years ago in a coke-fueled 'roid rage, I think "To Matt, sorry I killed you," would have been more apt. Canseco is a prick, sure, but you just know that Matt is too.

The rules of the mystery game stated that one cast member would have to be the captain of the opposing team, so Janice magnanimously volunteered to do it. Once at the bowling alley, however, Janice suddenly changed her mind for no reason, forcing a different housemate to step up. It turned out to be Omarosa, which rubbed Janice the wrong way for some reason. She blurted out, "Omarosa, the whore," for all to hear. Just as these two women were about to come to blows, the coach for the other team announced their arrival. "Here they are! The Sunshine Strikers!" A quick shot of Janice saying "Oh. My. God." and it was time for a commercial.

Posted by on July 18, 2005 9:45 PM