"Scree! Scree! Scree! Scree!" - 
by
Phew. That's the first time I've ever done anything like that, but the situation warranted it, I think. Omarosa handled herself fairly well and finally told Janice that she's a druggie - which has been painfully evident to the viewers. Throughout the battle, Jose Canseco sat on the couch and cowered behind a throw pillow. When Balki arrived after missing the whole thing, Jose told him it was "worse than jail!" I highly doubt that, Jose. I mean, it's not like one of them had a deadly weapon in her hand or anything... Right? After the interview was over, Omarosa had a completely random familial visit - her mom. Her mom has some guts showing up on TV after her daughter has proven herself to be nothing more than a lying reality show whore. Like Janice's son, the mom didn't say two words either, but after meeting Janice and getting out of earshot, Omarosa confided, "That woman is high as a kite." One question: How did Chyna Doll escape these types of accusations last season? That "woman" was so hopped up on goofballs throughout the entire show and yet no one really stepped it to say anything. Omarosa planted her mom in a bedroom, changed into a white ball gown, and joined the others in the dining room for the publicity photo shoot.
The shot was supposed to be "wacky" in a "network sitcom pilot" kind of way. Balki was flinging some potatoes and well, actually, I didn't really catch what anyone else was doing because before I knew it, the genius photographer guy decided that giving Janice a gigantic Ginzu knife would be funny. She immediately fake threatened the three-legged dog. Every person already hated her in the house, why not make the dog hate her too? Then the same genius photographer guy suggested that Janice go stand over near Omarosa for the shot. As she approached, she said in her best Sweeney Todd, "Anyone need a haircut? A little trim with my butcher knife?" Dude, Big Brother would have totally kicked her off the show for that! (Old school BB2 reference.) Of course, as any sane person would say, Omarosa implored, "Get her away from me." Of course, Mr. Genius Photographer was too busy snapping away at the HI-larious turn of events.
Janice did drop the knife but then reached for the pitcher full of red fruit punch. She took a few seconds to make fun of Omarosa's stupid white beauty pageant gown before spilling the juice - oh wait, it's SuperBalki to the rescue! Before she spilled the juice, he yelled at Janice, "Leave her alone! Stop it!" Where was this gallant display of chutzpah when she was holding a murder weapon 10 seconds prior? As it turned out, Balki didn't give a crap about Omarosa, but was just really thirsty and had a boner for red fruit punch.
At this point in the show, both Pepa and Carey Hart got a few seconds of face time with spliced-in comments about the goings-on. And here I thought they had been left in Vegas. On set, Omarosa simply got up and left the photo shoot, followed by everyone else but Janice - who was now standing on the table holding the fruit punch. She then dumped it out onto the table and asked no one in particular, "What did I do?" Gee, Janice, let's see... You scare everyone every day just by looking at them, you are an incorrigible bitch, you are a schizophrenic wackadoodle, you pick fights at random, you grind your used-up crotch on Balki one night and won't let him near you the next, you are mean, you threatened a cast member with a knife, you're not funny, you're not smart, you're no longer employed by anyone, you're a drug addict, you're an attention-starved pathetic whoring loser to the nth degree. Feel free to add to this list in the comments, as I'm sure I've left out plenty.
What's that? Omarosa would like to take the first crack at the extended list? Okay... Omarosa went on to say, "Call the police, that she's high on drugs. She's a cracked out high society bitch. Go smoke some crack you crack bitch! I hope you overdose, you bitch!"
By the way, I enjoyed this episode at 11AM. Thank you, VH1 - doing its part to better society, one crack bitch at a time.
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Comments
I don't regularly watch the show but I did catch this episode and found it somewhat entertaining. If I remember, I will watch the next episode.
Posted by: megstar | September 13, 2005 5:39 AM(#1 of 18)
I haven't seen this one yet ... thank god for TiVo (and TVGasm!)!!
Posted by: dumbanddumber | September 13, 2005 5:41 AM(#2 of 18)
Thank god VH1 picked up this train wreck of a show. Each season is better than the last.
1. America's Last Top Crack Addict
2. A Holla Bitch Girl (B.A.N.A.N.A.S)
3. Cloning Gone Terribly Wrong
4. Her son's best excuse for suicide
5. When Jose Conseco turns down your putrid cunt, then you know you're over.
Posted by: America's Next Top Fan | September 13, 2005 5:59 AM(#3 of 18)
I fing LOATHE Omarosa, she is such an ugly, lying, manipulative c**t. Her 15 minutes dried up years ago and she thinks shes some celebrity from a small failed stint on the apprentice. My god i wanted Janice to tell her off and say at least i was famous for something, what have you done?
i hate them both but at least Janice was famous and "worked" fora living.
Posted by: Sadie | September 13, 2005 6:44 AM(#4 of 18)
I thought Balki compared Caprice to Olivia de Havilland. Our Lady of Fatima is much funnier though.
Posted by: azvic | September 13, 2005 7:00 AM(#5 of 18)
I don't know if it is the kid that was on the show but the last kid Janice had - she told Sylvester Stallone he was the father so be broke up with his then girlfriend (now wife Jennifer Flavin) via FedEx "your services as my girfriend are no longer needed" (I am not making this up) Then after a DNA test showed he was NOT the father he left Janice and married Jennifer. What does this have to do with anything and why do I know this crap??? I have no idea it's just funny. All celebrities are seriously messed up, therefore watching them implode on TV makes me happy.
The only person on this planet who could make Omarosa look slightly less appalling is Janice Dickenson. I agree with ANTF this is one of the best shows ever and I hope VH1 keeps it forever!
TVGasm makes me happy.
Posted by: sharon W | September 13, 2005 7:35 AM(#6 of 18)
Wow, it is like "Battle of the Network Bitches" over there.
BTW - anyone notice how Omarosa ditched her husband of five years quietly this summer? That guy must've chewed his leg off to get out of that trap.
Posted by: jmax | September 13, 2005 9:42 AM(#7 of 18)
I hate Janice so much that it actually makes me like Omarosa. Then she goes and calls her mother "Mommy," which is just about the creepiest thing a thirty-something former pagent contestant can do.
Posted by: BSideLover | September 13, 2005 12:26 PM(#8 of 18)
Thank you for the blow by blow analysis-OK, I have to watch this ep now when it comes on 4,000 more times this week. Too funny-great recap! You all are killin' me on the posts. too!
Posted by: joslyn | September 13, 2005 7:58 PM(#9 of 18)
did i miss the episode where balki was in the green to shag caprice? ....hahha i said shag and caprice is a brit...ahhah ok i'm an uber nerd
Posted by: bleeble blobble | September 14, 2005 2:56 AM(#10 of 18)
Crack wackadoodle...back in the day, it used to only apply to Whitney. What's the world coming to?
Posted by: Fuzzbait | September 14, 2005 10:23 PM(#11 of 18)
Lol thank God I got real bored and went thru the archives cause man I love this show as much as I do Laguna Beach. I must say I am in love with Carey Hart lol and I love how u make fun of him ahahahha anyways I think he jumped on the show to get his face out there for his show INKED which is on A&E, I love that show too btw. Anyways lol I hate Horsemouth Omarosa with a PASSION and I can't stand Janice but I love how Jance torements her hahahahaha. Balke ok hes such a geek but I love how he throws out mean random comments to Janice its awesome. Oh and Caprice isn't a Brit shes from America but thinks that since she spent a year or so in England she has to talk like them cause its sooooo posh to be like that. Janice made fun of her for it in the 1st episode in her commentary. I must say tho the re-caps on this show are way better then the ones on Laguna Beach hahahahah B-side I think I lust u.
Posted by: BoQueefa | September 15, 2005 1:38 AM(#12 of 18)
Yeah, Janice is a train wreck, but she reaffirms my faith that God has a purpose for all of us. First she was a supermodel, and now she is the karmic answer to the prayers of so many who needed to see that lying, wanna-be, dumbshit Assorama get a little of her own bullshit.
Posted by: accountinator | September 18, 2005 3:48 PM(#13 of 18)
The Only cracked ouy whore in the show is omarosa!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Jose | September 19, 2005 8:10 AM(#14 of 18)
I hate Omarosa WITH A PASSION. Janice, although wacked out herself, was right. She's just some reality show loser clinging onto her sad 15 minutes. Which by the way she created by being a slanderous insane liar. The worst part is that she really loves being known as the "biggest reality show bitch". As if its a good thing that everybody hates your guts. Janice definitely isn't perfect, but at least she hasn't made her career out of being on The Apprentice. Get a life, you stupid hag!
Posted by: hollabackboy | September 22, 2005 12:00 PM(#15 of 18)
i think janice is one of the scuzziest people i have ever seen, and to call herself a super model is one of the biggest jokes around, she is nothing but a big has been. they ought to take her kids from her if she is like this off of the show.
Posted by: stephanie | September 25, 2005 1:22 PM(#16 of 18)
i love janice just leave her alone ...she is awesome she is real ...omarosa is a MAN!!!!!!1
Posted by: Justin | September 29, 2005 10:16 AM(#17 of 18)
Janice may have issues, but we all do... Omar-ho-za is a piece of S**t! Liar, whore, liar! I've watched a few episodes and she's such a joke I want to jump through the TV and choke her. Hopefully she'll enjoy her life as a hopeless, worthless man-hooker. Please!!! Don't purchase her book and make her or others think that what she does or represents is right!
Posted by: Brockules | October 2, 2005 8:08 PM(#18 of 18)