Remember The Savage... Skidmark - 
by
Ace did a played out, "I'm a white boy who can't dance so I'll dance like a retard" white boy dance, Maven got all up on Carol Brady, and Corey sang some crappy song. At this point, it became clear that Smashmouth Steve pretty much hates the world, as he had something negative to say about all the contestants. It was also at this point that I realized I sort of like Smashmouth Steve. Hey now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play. (I just figure if I have that shit song in my head all day, so should you.) And all that glitters is go-o-o-old, Only shootin' stars break the mold!
Corey was thankfully sent packing but then the unthinkable happened. Savage was given the boot! WhatEVER, man, he had to get back to his never-ending auditions, read-throughs, and high-powered meetings at Ivy. Savage, I'll NEVER forget you! Say hi to Cowboy for me, will ya? Down to Ace and Maven ("Maven?" Really?), Andrea asked if they like to drink and party and Ace said that Guns and Roses - oops, sorry Axl, I mean G'n F'n R - was his favorite 80's band, and Steve reiterated his hatred of everyone. For some reason, CC and Steve really wanted the Maven guy over Ace. (George Jefferson had no opinion... On anything. Ever.) Personally, I couldn't help but thinking the "Masters of the Universe" had two more bad guys to fight off from Skeletor's gang of evildoers. Maven and Ace? What has reality TV wrought?

Sigh. He didn't even pee on the floor.
In the end, the ladies chose Maven, who seems like a nice enough guy. He's from some ultimate fighting reality show; it probably aired on SpikeTV or something and I'm sorry, I'm just not man enough to watch that channel. Poker just makes my wiener shrivel. The final scene was Andrea and Maven drinking, then talking, then lounging in the pool. Carol Brady, most likely prodded by the producers, tried to make it as though something nefarious was afoot. She tried to pretend Andrea and Maven were hooking up for some reason. Then Maven stripped and Alexis pretended that Maven liked confused transgendered men who dress like women and the show came to an end.
I fear that this season of "Surreal Life" will be much like that - made up conflict and producer prodded phony wackiness. The preview of the upcoming season offered no hope other than some scenes of Tawny losing it. Hey, at least it's better than that damn Applebee's commercial we were forced to watch five thousand times during the March Madness this past weekend. "A three hour tewerrrrrrr..."
Right?
Previous page | 1 | 2 | 3 ( Comments ) | Discuss In Our Forums


Comments
wow, this sounds frightening... better you than us, sg-dub!
Posted by: ceenee
|
March 20, 2006 4:33 PM(#1 of 41)
BB5 Scott = kinda racist
That's in regards to some of the comments he made in regards to Kaysar BB6.
Posted by: Firecat
|
March 20, 2006 4:40 PM(#2 of 41)
sg-dub -- that was great. Loved the carpaccio line.
FYI -- Maven was teh winner of season 1 of MTV's Tough Enough. He has since become super jacked. Highly under-appreciated show.
Posted by: B-Side
|
March 20, 2006 4:46 PM(#3 of 41)
Isn't Tawny the current Mrs. Gene Simmons?
So, is Lionel gonna be on the next SL?
Posted by: Ed
|
March 20, 2006 5:09 PM(#4 of 41)
Oh. My. God.
I had a friend who hooked up the smashmouth guy a couple years ago...
Ahh... sweet revenge... or something.
Posted by: susanarosa
|
March 20, 2006 7:35 PM(#5 of 41)
susanrosa -
your friend is a hooker?
Posted by: sg-dub
|
March 20, 2006 7:39 PM(#6 of 41)
Not then... haven't seen her in awhile though... :)
Posted by: susanarosa
|
March 20, 2006 7:41 PM(#7 of 41)
maven was on raw for a while after winning the first tough enough. even held the hardcore title for a short bit. he was released last year. probably should've seen the writing on the wall once they started making him wear pink trunks.
Posted by: copygodd
|
March 20, 2006 9:10 PM(#8 of 41)
It looked like Alexis scared the s**t out of Scott.......literally.
That was truly horrible to watch.I knew he was doomed.
Posted by: Brian
|
March 21, 2006 4:29 AM(#9 of 41)
You use a Camille Paglia joke when a simple cooter reference would have done the job nicely. Sigh…
You are right about the “sense of humor” reference with Adnrea. Every guy that writes for TVGasm has a great sense of humor, but as far as I know none of us ever dated Playboy models. I dated a former centerfold from Big Mama Jugs once but that doesn’t count.
I hate Alexis on numerous levels. Transgendered? Hey, whatever. That’s cool. But it’s like he is overcompensating for it by talking about his sexuality and horniness every freaking second. He’s probably just insecure because he makes an amazingly ugly girl. The funniest part was when he was angry at Andrea because she was his “competition” for the guys affection. That actually just made me feel sad for him.
I also hate him because he has no talent and no celebrity of his own. His siblings are actors, that’s his talent.
And finally, I am grossed out by his weird lower lip. It has either a weird growth or a huge herpes (or is that herpi?) so he covers it with lipstick and it just looks like a deformed lip.
Sherman Helmsley is the big dud of the season. The only thing I have to look forward to is Andrea getting drunk around CC and hoping for a relapse.
Posted by: EdHill
|
March 21, 2006 7:15 AM(#10 of 41)
That was more than a skid mark. That is like he took a dump in his yeller bikini brief, scooped it out, and continued on his merry way. Dis.gust.ing.
Do they sell PullUps for former reality stars in a brite bikini style?
Posted by: MrsC
|
March 21, 2006 7:33 AM(#11 of 41)
I am on vacation right now and was unable to watch this as we only get spanish channels here. But this was so fricking funny that I am still HOWLING about the skid mark. Holy crap, I can't wait to get home and see that. Seriously, dude, that is some funny shit. (arrr)- God that was funny.
Excellent re-cap Sg-dub.
Posted by: derder
|
March 21, 2006 7:58 AM(#12 of 41)
great recap, but the skid mark and well everything about this cast is maybe too disturbing for me to watch. I can't believe i used to think the guy from smashmouth was cute, and thanks i now have all-star going in my head, but its better than the ford 'beep beep' ad. i have no idea who the women are on this show. besides the wesson lady.
Posted by: hardly@work
|
March 21, 2006 8:09 AM(#13 of 41)
I don’t even know where to begin. I hate the Arquettes. I don’t know HOW or WHY they are considered a major Hollywood family like the Penns or the Sheens. Patricia has to be thee worst actor ever, next to her dear brother Alexis. I don’t know if I should feel bad for Alexis or be disgusted by him. It’s as if he is the least everything (talented, good looking, interesting, etc..) of the Arquettes so he wants to be the crazy, different one. Check me out – I am not just bisexual, I’m a transvestite – oh no wait – I’m a transsexual – that’s much cooler! What’s cooler than that??? Oh I know - I’ll get a sex change—ON NATIONAL TELEVISION—maybe, if the ratings are good. It’s really very desperate and pathetic. Patricia, David, Rosanna and whatever other Arquettes there are should chip in and get him some serious counseling. I should make it very clear that I have no problem with anyone being gay, a transvestite, a transsexual or seeking a sex change – I just think it is really gross how this guy tries to exploit all of the above for some sliver of D-grade fame.
Posted by: djo8901
|
March 21, 2006 8:24 AM(#14 of 41)
Alexis' sex change will be on A&E. Really, I can't wait.
And THANK YOU for saying something about their subtitling of Sherman Hemsley. They don't subtitle Flavor Flav, and they don't subtitle any of the women on "Flavor of Love." What are they saying? VH1 needs to cut that the heck out. I understand The Sherm just fine.
Posted by: pepper
|
March 21, 2006 9:15 AM(#15 of 41)
Ed #4-
Old Gene is not married, but has been making family with Shannon Tweed for like 20 years. You remember Shannon Tweed right? Of Erotic Thriller, D-list movies and Soft Core Porn fame? She's AWESOME.
Posted by: james_woods_rules
|
March 21, 2006 10:22 AM(#16 of 41)
Does anyone else think it's weird that derder reads TVGasm while on vacation?
Posted by: The Svan
|
March 21, 2006 11:46 AM(#17 of 41)
Tawny looks awful...definately a good say no to drugs advertisement!
Posted by: jenny10girl
|
March 21, 2006 12:41 PM(#18 of 41)
Weird why-what's your fuckin' problem SVAN??
I am in Mexico right now with my laptop-
sitting next to my husband having a cocktail.
Posted by: derder
|
March 21, 2006 5:59 PM(#19 of 41)
Alexis is the token "interesting," "outrageous" cast member who already has me bored to tears. I'd have liked Corey Clark in if only so I could be genuinely repulsed. Or better yet -- ASHLEY PARKER ANGEL!!!! Whadda ya wanna bet he'd bring his acoustic guitar and someone would finally break it over his head.
And if we're going to cast no-count family members, how about a Baldwin, or better yet, a BUSH?
I can't wait for someone to rip Florence a new hole.
Posted by: citylips
|
March 21, 2006 6:27 PM(#20 of 41)
Well if The Svan went to a vacation spot (it definately wouldn't be Mexico) The Svan wouldn't be websurfing for TV shows. The Svan would be out having fun with the natives.
Posted by: The Svan
|
March 21, 2006 7:26 PM(#21 of 41)
Have one for me derder, hope you are having a lovely time.
Posted by: hardly@work
|
March 22, 2006 6:19 AM(#22 of 41)
hey SVAN-
It's people like you who make this website a drag. It is ugly and immature when people hide behind their computers and become judgemental bullies. It's obnoxious- grow up.
Posted by: derder
|
March 22, 2006 6:54 AM(#23 of 41)
The Svan sounds jealous to The trppin31.
Posted by: trppin31
|
March 22, 2006 7:40 AM(#24 of 41)
Wow. Now you are fighting with someone on the internet while on vacation. Perhaps you should check out:
http://www.netaddiction.com/
Admitting you have a problem is the first step. Good luck, perhaps there is still time to really enjoy a new location without staring at a cpu screen.
Posted by: The Svan
|
March 22, 2006 2:47 PM(#25 of 41)
I must admit one of the best vacations I ever had was Exuma Bahamas- no phone, no tv in the place we stayed, and we fished for our dinner every night.
The one bar in town had a tv, & when it did get reception, it was constantly tuned to Xena The Warrior Princess.
Posted by: Keyser Soze
|
March 22, 2006 3:20 PM(#26 of 41)
Scott is fucking nasty. Grown ass man, learn to WIPE!
Posted by: stacyrocks
|
March 22, 2006 3:52 PM(#27 of 41)
Now that sounds like a good vacation, Keyser Soze. (except for the Xena part).
Posted by: The Svan
|
March 22, 2006 5:34 PM(#28 of 41)
perhaps you all could explain to me why it is an addiction to check my email and surf my favorite websites every morning for 20 minutes while having coffee. Seriously- your cruelty is really bothering me.
On second thought- don't bother. Let's just drop it. I'm done here-
Posted by: derder
|
March 23, 2006 6:48 AM(#29 of 41)
But that's the thing. You're not done here because you'll be back tomorrow morning on the beach or on your flight, etc. Please try and get help, soon. Your hubby deserves it.
Posted by: The Svan
|
March 23, 2006 6:57 AM(#30 of 41)
Dear derder-
I just have to say that as a Junior High teacher, when a student singles someone out to pick on in the way that Svan has here, it usually means one of two things...
A) that person is jealous
and/or
B) that person is an asshole.
I think your awesome and I still love your website! (Those are great pictures of you and your husband on the beach). Have a great time and have one for me.
And I, too bring my computer on vacation with me to surf the web. So there, I just svan to be rude to people and embarrass them.
Posted by: trppin31
|
March 23, 2006 7:33 AM(#31 of 41)
"I just have to say that as a Junior High teacher..."
"So there, I just svan to be rude to people and embarrass them."
-trppin31
And people wonder why education isn't what it used to be.
Posted by: The Svan
|
March 23, 2006 8:28 AM(#32 of 41)
I figured it out-
B) Asshole.
Posted by: trppin31
|
March 23, 2006 8:34 AM(#33 of 41)
I'm not certain why it's bugging me so much, but it's HEMSley, not HELMSley.
Posted by: Lobstar
|
March 23, 2006 9:35 AM(#34 of 41)
It's weird to me how Tawny is so self-righteous about Playboy, when her claim to fame is rolling around scantily clad on a car. And weren't those her breasts we saw in Bachelor Party? Hypocrite.
Posted by: Lobstar
|
March 23, 2006 9:44 AM(#35 of 41)
What, Flo is a hypnotherapist now? Lame! When is Alexis gonna start star-name dropping?
p.s. Hi, hardly@work!
Posted by: c-rock
|
March 23, 2006 10:03 AM(#36 of 41)
trppin31,
Now should a junior high teacher be calling names? Tsk, tsk. Run along now and play with your little students.
Posted by: The Svan
|
March 23, 2006 10:39 AM(#37 of 41)
okay, I perused this recap before watching the show and that pic of the underwear had me confused - when I saw it play out, I was completely and utterly mortified. I don't get it. I'm w/the poster who said that's MORE than a skid mark - it looks like he crapped his pants!!!!
Otherwise, I'm personally looking forward to this season. I love CC and I hope he does NOT relapse. He really is a good guy when he's sober.
I, too, think Alexis is sad, but will be enjoyable to watch.
BTW, derder, I hope you're enjoying your vacation, sipping a margarita, but be careful not to choke while laughing at the snark. :-)
Posted by: livemusicjunkie
|
March 23, 2006 10:49 AM(#38 of 41)
I am sure CC DeVille is a great guy but if there is a reality TV show god - CC will relapse.
Posted by: djo8901
|
March 23, 2006 1:43 PM(#39 of 41)
Svan, While at lunch today with some friends, we actually discussed this very humorous situation. We can't decide if you are:
A) A confused, hormonal, acne ridden teenager
B) A pitiful, lonely, overweight middle aged spinster
or
C) A bitter, unattractive, angry old queen who has to pay twinks to have sex with you.
My guess was C, although my friends pegged you more for B.
Whatever, you are pathetic. I, like derder, am done with you now.
Bye bye- asshole.
P.S. Don't discuss education with me. It is obvious you haven't even mastered spell-check yet.
Posted by: trppin31
|
March 23, 2006 3:16 PM(#40 of 41)
Um, try again. Going to medical school in the fall and have a beautiful wife. The Svan just comes here to blow off some steam from biochemistry. Good luck with those pre-teens though. The Svan is grateful for you to spend time talking about him.
Posted by: The Svan
|
March 23, 2006 4:32 PM(#41 of 41)