"Around this time I was sort of wishing that Scarlet would come in and hit them both over the head with a frying pan."

yes..or a bottle of tequila. yes, that would do very nicely.

^ i can just see it now:
"it was miss scarlet in the kitchen with the bottle of tequila!"

Did anyone notice Donald "Turkleton" Faison in the party background? I could have sworn it was him.

Trust me, I don't usually look for this show but my wife insists I watch it. I sorta feel obligated since I suffered through the first Making the Band. I lived in Hawaii when that Cryin' Hawaiian showed up so I wanted to see how bad he made us look back in Hawaii.

Bravo Baby! Bravo Baby! This by far has been your best work so far. (that I have read of course) B-side you are Ballon-fantasic! This show is the best to read about. Hey they probably had that yard sale (in the garage?) to pay for his new tattoo of "Lyric". Please don't ever stop. P.S. Do you do Meet the Barkers. Now that would be awesome. Thanks

Great recap B-Side. "Anyhoo, the lady in the car finally stepped out, revealing the one-two punch of a fat ass and a nifty fanny pack" -It doesn't get any better than that.

I hope you are feeling better B-Side...thank you for finally recapping quite possibly the worst episode of the worst reality show of all time. After this episode, I wish I could have the members of OTown (and their tagalong monkey that seems more intelligent than anyone on this show) come to my birthday party this week. I bet if I offered 20 dollars and balloons they will be there with baby Lyric and all. BEST RECAP EVER!

WHOA! A recap of There & Back!? I haven't read it yet; I'm trying to keep something for work tomorrow! I am so ashamed to say that I 'enjoy' this show, it is just so horrible and the editing doesn't makes much sense chronologically but damn, there is just so much to make fun of. Can't wait to read this!!! :D

Hahaha Im so glad you did another recap of this show. Keep them coming!

SOOO FUNNY

this show is so stupid it works, i wonder if he'll get the same out of this show as The Simpson family did on theirs....i hope so boy needs the money

keep the recaps coming!

anonym- that MADE my day.

more clue references!

I could make a better show than this crap. -Freeze Frame- Get a life Asheley

Donald Faison is too cool to be there. Tonight's episode was even better. Tiffany drives herself and Ashley to the hospital before she gives birth.

nocable- i'm glad you appreciate clue as much as i do! that game is the best!

can someone tell me why a woman that is barely able to walk with out hunching over from the babyweight is even ALLOWED to drive?!

So did Ash sell his license at the garage sale or what? Seriously, this show is better than Newlyweds EVER was. Would love to see him dump Tiff and hook up with Jessica. Now THAT would be the best show ever.

God, this show couldn't be any worse...seeing that other random O-Towner grasp onto his fading stardom was so funny/sad. Why did I even watch this trash?

Oh yeah, and B-Side...what's the buzz on that new Miami fashion show from the Laguna Beach people? Is it more "produced" than LB?

I can honestly say I do not watch this show. I just can't sit through it, but I LOVE reading the re-caps. Hilarious. Great job!!

BTW: Why don't you recap the Flava Flave show? That is the KING of Reality MESS TV.

it pains me to sit through this show. but i did watch it last night.

i wish you would recap meet the barkers.

however, best show ever on mtv... gamekillers. it's almost as good as boiling point - which makes even my mom want to watch mtv.

I agree that ASH sold a lot of that collectible-looking crap for WAY less than he could have. That Asian O-Town CD ...he could have gotten at least two bucks for it. Also - who is Donald Faison?

B-Side, you did not disappoint! This recap was awesome! And I'm glad you noticed Donald Faison too. When I saw him trying to hide behind other guests so he wouldn't be caught on tape at ASHLEY PARKER ANGEL's party, I couldn't stop laughing.

And poor Dan from O-Town, no one lets him know that the show HE IS PERFORMING IN is cancelled. And he has to learn about it by going online to check. Just sad!!

c-rock;

Donald Faison is an actor, he was in the Clueless movie and tv show and on Scrubs. :)

PORKY MCFATTY!!!!!

RAWR!! LAWL!!

I'm sooooo glad you're covering this show. It's one of the most horrifying things I've seen in a long time, and should be required viewing for every American Idol wannabe or Making The Band contestant.

For extra laughs, look on The Smoking Gun for O-Town's old backstage rider. I think it includes a police escort to the gig.

Svan: The pregnant woman driving to her own delivery was the absolute top. Ashley's soooooo dreamy! Plus, at the beginning of the episode, he was passive-aggressively trying to get rid of her.

I wonder if "ASH" immediately turned around and sold the AWSOME guitar he got for his birthday for $20 on the sidewalk.

And wouldn't the cost of that party about cover the $27 shortfall in his bank account? That or the price of the BELLY CAST (pretty! and not at all awkward or obcene) that "TIFF" got this week.

I loved the conversation with Larry -- the gist was: You're not making money off of anything else, and you're not going to make it off of O-Town, either. I feel sorry for Larry. I can't imagine any lower depth of misery than being the agent for a talentless, charmless has-been. Why doesn't Ash GET A FUCKING JOB?

Last night's birth episode was the funniest thing yet. I can't believe that woman had to drive herself to have a baby, that they make a plaster of paris of her tummy which was the put in the trunk of a car, that he cut his bangs in the hospital, her having to give directions over the phone for him while the baby's head was coming out. This is what we were hoping to see if Nick and Jessica had ever reproduced. amazing.

Last night Ashley taught young people around the world that the pull and pray does not work and he will be smarter next time...now that's a role model for our time.

I agree with SlvAqua15 - this show is so stupid it works.

There was this movie called "Jesus's Son" with a character named Fu$khead who Ashley reminds me of--a sweet, likeable but kinda sad doofus.

And I agree, the next episode where she drives herself to her own delivery is super fantastic. That combined with the fact that Ashley gives her the phone to give directions as she's in the middle of her own labor! (she doesn't take the phone but proceeds to give very clear directions-hilarious).

Oh and B-side, I don't think they bought that house, they referenced paying rent (not a mortgage) and coming up with $8k to move in (don't think they could move in to a house with only $8k...)

I am way too into this show...

great re-cap!! this episode was a little over the top with the pool thing, i thought i was seeing things,lol!!! your recaps are the funniest things i have read in a long long time!!!

and i agree with the other two people on here that you should recap Meet the Barkers, that show is the best!!! anyways keep up the good work and i cant wait to read the new one from last night!!!

He looks like Shaggy from Scooby Doo.
Why would he not drive her to the hospital?!

Great Recap B-side...
aeb i too was hoping for some recaps on Meet the Barkers...but i genuinelly like the them, waaay more than "tiff & ash" and those gauntlet fools, so id feel bad when B-side made fun of them.

I too watched last nights episode .. does anyone think that Tiffany looks HUGE .. i literally thougth it looked like she was carrying triplets....and the way she waddled when she walked...good god!

also belly cast?? who does that...and lastly .. if thier sooo broke how does Tiffany have that Mercedes she was driving last night? hhhmm

Okay, I'm a long time TVGasm lurker, having never bothered to post a comment. But I just spent 10 minutes crying with laughter over the mental image of APA (His name is just too long to waste the effort of typing) "going to a carnival and chasing a balloon around, pointing and giggling, perhaps screaming "Bawooon! Bawooon!"

B-Side, my hat is off to you, as that is the funniest thing I've read in a LONG time!

I haven't watched an episode of this show, but, honey, you better believe I will now.

I was kinda grossed out at first when I saw the commercial because I thought he was living with his mom and sister, not his wife/lover and mother-in-law/drunk hag. I was very put off by the "morning wood" comment.

Does anybody ever notice how he has no money but is driving in a different NICE car everytime?! What is that?

"And furthermore, what the hell did Tiffany put on her breakfast? I know I saw her use the maple syrup, but that was some of the nastiest shit I'd ever seen."

That ain't nothing but a little brown and bubbly.

-K;

I noticed that too, so far I counted 3 cars, a Tiburon (white) and Mercedes (black) and some older vehicle that they had to blur the plate on. Obviously, MTV is letting them use the Mercedes or something because minus $27 cannot pay for that!!
If MTV is trying to show Ashley & co as poor and desperate; how about having him drive in that 1970's van Jacob was riding in a couple episodes ago? Even I would consider buying a CD to send some money Ash's way.

And damn it, you guys are making me more anxious to leave work so I can watch last night's episode on the DVR...

Yea I would leave work and watch the show too except for 2 words:

Porky.

McFatty.

Hi, my name is Pamsey and I'm a 30 something MTV addict. There I said it.
B-Side, effing hilarious re-cap, Scarlet's "Zima on layaway" is just too damn funny! She is going to be such a good grandmother (NOT)

nocable-
Oh my gosh.

That was excellent. I nominate you to write you own column, on whatever show of your choice, because that was hysterical!

-Audial;
Stop making fun :)

If I had the saggingly sad milk sacks that Tiff had I would have never had the belly cast done. I couldn't believe that Scar wasn't drinking at the dinner table with Ass I mean Ash's mom. Unless she had a little something in her diet brown and bubbly.

I hope that when Tiff and Ash have their inevitable breakup he has the wit to paint huge nipples on her "belly" cast, put a fake styrofoam head on it with a photo of her face, and sell it on eBay.

Oh ... and they should have called the show "Has-Been Joke At 24."

The girl who used to play Belle on Days of Our Lives appeared to be there as well...Kirsten Storms.

I love this terrible show...so glad you decided to recap!

Great recap. What does everyone think of his music?

"Bawoon" LOL!!

I think Tiff had to drive herself because she's the only sober one of the bunch.

MIA(#16)-I agree, "Flavor of Love" is the worst reality show ever. I'd watch a marathon of "There & Back" any day over "Flavor." Flav is the ookiest, nastiest guy I've ever seen and he has managed to get his 3rd show. And the prostitutes trying to win him over are just nasty hos who all are probably American Idol rejects who have finally found the one person who appreciates their "talents."

tvaholic - I could not agree more. I think they got those Flav contestants straight off some seedy streetcorner.

I feel like everything Ashley says sounds so fake and phoney and staged and the idea of Tiff as Mother frightens me to bits.

Oh and his music - it's eh..ok- nothing spectacular.

Tiffany is not mature enough to be a mother. She does whine like she's a 5 year old. Plus, if she doesn't like being pregnant, then why the hell not use protection in the first place... these people are just stupid... really..

Speaking of "Flavor of Love" I was watching Next on MTV the other day, and one of the girls on the bus was Pumpkin from Flavor of Love, meaning either she didn't win, this was taped before, or she is a reality tv show whore who tries to get on any show she can.

She is a reality TV whore. she has an account at myspace and she tells you all of the shows she has been on.

I'm embarassed to admit that I know why Kirsten Storms was at the party. She is the girlfriend of Erik Michael Estrada, another former O-Town member. He was there, also.

One of the guys from Scrubs was at Ashley's party? Are you kidding me? How does he even know Ashley, and wouldn't he have better things to do?

"I can just imagine Ashley going to a carnival and chasing a balloon around, pointing and giggling, perhaps screaming 'Bawooon! Bawooon!'"

I actually fell out of my chair laughing as I visualized that.

I too cannot stop watching this sad, pathetic train wreck of a show. It's like eating cotton candy - you know it's total crap, but it's just so delightful going down.

I must admit, I kinda like the theme song.

Is it just me, or was Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars cutie) at the party as well? I could've sworn I saw her, and I think I read on another message board that she was there.

B-Side, you continue to rock my world with these recaps (esp. all the Scarlet remarks...my God, what a lush!). I was practically crying with laughter.

It's also reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who watches this thing.

Thanks for clearing that up about Kirsten Storms, Marybeth. I spent way too much time thinking about why she was there!

Who is Kirsten Storms?

I don't know why I like this show, but I can't stop watching it!

I also don't know why I can't stop watching this show. Ashley is such a whiney, self-centered puss. I do like Tiffany's jabs at O-Town and "Liquid Dreams", though. That's pretty funny. What I don't understand is the baby's name. Ashley bitched about having to be a male named Ashley Angel (it's bad enough that he looks like a chick). So what does he do? He names his son Lyric Angel. Gee, Ashley. How effin' thoughtful. Misery does love company.

I usually don't read recaps of shows I don't watch, but these are priceless. Their lives make me kinda sad-when I'm not laughing at how stupid they are.

Kirsten Storms, that's who it was. I was all, WTF it's Zenon!

But yeah. This show is basically the most amazing thing ever. Really bad reality television is my most beloved guilty pleasure, and MTV never fails to deliver. (remember Score?)

My friends and I have begun to deliver Shakespearean asides in daily conversations, complete with everyone around the speaker freezing. It's priceless.

I just saw a rerun the other day, the one where he gets pissed becasue Tiff called him out on being so forgetful. They fight in the car as they come back from picking up his cell phone or something he left at a store. So they get home, he storms into the house & throws himself face down onto the bed like a 5-yr-old, leaving her at 15-months-pregnant to waddle in the house carying her purse & a bag. Rather than doing the mature thing and saying sorry I wasted half of your day picking up the shit I left all over town & I'll try to be more responsible, he whines to her about that's just the way he is & either she'll have to accept & quit "saying such hurtful things to him" or reconsider being with him. God, she had an out, why didn't she take it??!!

tvaholic-I was also appalled by his childish garbage. I hate how he makes everything about him. It's always about how he's feeling or what's some mean person is doing to him. It seemed he was hell-bent on even making the baby's delivery all about him, too. The bellyaching about having no money just makes him all the more annoying (especially since he's in a nice house, seems to have nice cars, and seems to have money for eyeliner, blush, and perfectly-styled chick hair). If a person is THAT desperate for money for their unborn child, they should freakin' go apply at a McDonald's.

i just saw the rerun of the episode where he comes close to getting his ass kicked at a bar. he throws a pathetic punch at a stupid drunk guy and it looks like a 6 year old girl throwing a baseball for the first time. this was after his show of machismo of tossing a drink on the guy. then he spends the rest of the night telling everyone who will even act interested that he is a tough guy who got kicked out of a bar for fighting. i could not help feeling sorry for this punk. the drunk called him cupcake. he really needs to drop the foo foo hairdo stop whining and singing like a woman, hit the gym and get a job. eventually his wife will leave him.