That's The Way The Cookie Cake Crumbles - 
by B-side
On Wednesday night, Two-A-Days wrapped up its surprisingly involving season in two parts. The first half aired on MTV. The second on the internet. I haven't watched part two yet (and rumor has it MTV will air it next week anyway), but in the spirit of not having to wait eons for recaps to come out, I thought I'd go ahead and post about part one. Besides, the first half had the big state championship game, and that's all we care about, right?
Nevertheless, I have to admit that I've enjoyed Two-A-Days all season, but I haven't quite loved it. I still don't think I love it, but Wednesday night's episode really seemed to, I don't know, "communicate" with me (gosh, I'm sound idiotic already). Okay, starting over. Point is, what I liked about Wednesday's episode is that it seemed to really capture the spirit of high school in a way we rare get to see in pop culture. For a while, Laguna Beach seemed to touch on it, but in its third season, the show has somehow veered off course. Made probably comes closest, but that show's contrived situations always undermine the "reality" of what we're seeing. Two-A-Days, however, feels truly like high school. Everything -- from the sterile hallways to the baggy sweatshirts people wear at lunch -- is like a trip back in time (silly hairstyles excluded). I guess that's why this show has endeared itself to surprisingly large audiences. Hmmm... I'm rambling. I think I pretty much exhausted this topic. On to the show!
This week's episode began with Alex washing up in the bathroom, telling us about Kristin, his now ex-girlfriend. At the end of last week, he had broken up with her (on the phone while she was visiting her cancer-stricken grandparents. Harsh...), and now it was time to deal with the repercussions. Alex 'splained that he still loved her as a friend, but not as a girlfriend. Yeah, we'll see if you're singing the same tune after six months of ice queen über-bitchiness.
At school, we could already feel the awkwardness of the situation. On one end of the hallway was Alex, on another was Kristin with her admirer, Goose. Oh, and here came Keagan, the trollop who allegedly came between this happy couple. Most awkward morning hallway ever!
Later, Keagan explained to her friends that she did not hook up with Alex at Taylor's party over Thanksgiving. Quite the contrary. She only saw him for like two seconds, and then she left because it was so super awkward. Oh, and she did drive him home, but whatevs! It was like two feet, and Cory was in the car too. Or something like that. Poor Keagan. So misunderstood.
Meanwhile, at the cafeteria, Alex walked up to his usual lunch table with that wry grin of his, but alas, Kristin, who had been sitting there, bolted away like a nervous guppy (sorry, it's the end of the day on Friday. My analogies are struggling). Alex then tried to speak to Kristin over in the lunch line, but she didn't want any of it. She'd heard all the rumors about Keagan, and she was not about to take the sloppy seconds to a real C U Next Tuesday, if you know what I'm saying. Kristin then huffed back to the lunch table, grabbed her belongings, and moved to another table. A bold move indeed! In the wake of this monumental shift in seating arrangements, a fellow cheerleader named Jessica mused, "If Kristin and Alex hadn't broken up, maybe they'd-- she'd be sitting with us." I GUESS WE'LL NEVER KNOW. Oh, Jessica. Poor, poor Jessica. So lost and alone without mom and dad together.
Amusingly, in response to Jessica's wonderment, Max profoundly drawled, "I think it's weird that they broke up." So true. So true. Granted, they'd been shaky and having problems all season, but I guess Max can be a little slow to catch onto things. One too many knocks in practice, if you know what I'm saying.
Later, the players watched tape of their rivals in the locker room, and elsewhere, the cheerleading squad met with their unnamed coach/Mother Hen. Before I get into this, I'd first like to know why the producers have kept this woman off camera all season. In short, she was amazing. She turned to her cheerleader ducklings and announced, "I ordered the -- and they look really cute, y'all -- it's the nine inch cookie cakes for your players. And they look great." Wait, stop the presses. Did she say, NINE INCH COOKIE CAKES??? WELL! That sounds absolutely divine! Cookie cakes for all! Amusingly, Homecoming Queen loser Blair pumped her arms excitedly as if to say, "YES!!!" Settle down, Blair. The cookie cakes ain't for you. I mean, we can get you one, but it won't be the same. Sorry.
"I can't wait 'til I get to have my very own cookie cake!"
After the coach was done discussing all things cookie cake, she then began to cry as she noted that this would be the last game for many of the cheerleaders. "For y'all, this is it!" coach said, unintentionally placing the One Day At A Time theme song in America's head. She continued, "And I know that's so sad, but it is! Most of y'all will never cheer again!" HEAVENS NO!!! This is it! Life is downhill from here.
Coach then pulled everyone's heartstrings by saying, "The last time two sisters will cheer together! You know, I mean, y'all let it all come out on Saturday!" Wow, this is really giving me memories to my last day as president of French Club. So many tears...
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