You're A Rascal Veronica Mars! - 
by J-Unit
We know that Veronica Mars is smart, fearless, resourceful, and combines all of that into one smoking hot, petite package, but one of the great things about her is that she still has a mean streak. That's not to say that she goes around and tries to pick fights with people, of course. Veronica is very nice to her friends, whether it means baking them snickerdoodles for the big game, introducing them to the parents they never met, or solving their murder. It's just that our girl has made plenty of enemies, and she has no trouble getting back at her enemies with a vengeance. And while the people she decides to take down a notch might not always deserve it (surely Meg would have been happier if Veronica had been slightly more forgiving), Veronica does so much good, we can certainly understand why she may be inclined to do some things out of pure spite. And while it may not be in line with the holiday spirit, sometimes spite feels so good.
We open the episode with Veronica and Duncan in sex education class. This is kind of disturbing because I used my only half way decent sex ed joke a few weeks back. Damn! Luckily, Mrs. Hauser is a pretty good joke herself, at least judging by her taste in men. You would think that after she saw how her first child turned out, she would be a little bit pickier about the men she shacked up with than Deputy Sacks, no? Perhaps Sacks is a gentleman, but Mrs. Hauser seemed pretty hot to trot, and seems to dig a man in uniform, but once again, she knows the consequences.
While Mrs. Hauser knows the consequences, the students of her class most definitely do not, and so she is very excited to have everybody split up into pairs for a chance to see what comes after the sex and the venereal diseases. No, I'm not talking about a hangover and a hasty exit while the other person gets up to use the bathroom, I am talking about a baby. When the children of Sunnydale were given eggs to learn responsibility, that didn't really work out in the end, so I am sure the kids of Neptune are happy that they have babies that, while are assuredly going to be a pain in the ass, aren't going to end up possessing their bodies. I was surprised at how comfortable Veronica was about the whole thing, saying, and “aren't we supposed to have a tequila shot first". If Duncan wasn't so stiff, he might have said something back like "or some rohypnol, ha, ha, remember when I had sex with you even though I thought you were my sister? ha ha. This relationship isn't awkward at ALL!”
I'm sure Duncan was just getting warmed up, so he didn't get a chance for a comeback before Veronica was called to Vice Principal Clemmons office. Usually the Vice Principal is trying to bust her on not so random locker suspensions that don't usually work, and he has asked Veronica for help a few times as well. Let's face it, Veronica is usually in trouble, and this was the case again, and Clemmons might have had something that might actually get Veronica a little worried. He asked Veronica for her keys, and among the keys that opened filing cabinets and started Vespas was one that fit perfectly into Clemmons' office door. Clearly Mr. Clemmons wanted to stop Veronica before she found his gimp suit and ball gag.
Although it was a long time ago, Clemmons wanted to know how she got those drug test results, even though they were faked, and even though Veronica saved his ass, he said that this was something that not only warrants a suspension, but possible police involvement. Veronica can handle the police, but if she is suspended, she can say goodbye to that Kane scholarship, meaning she won't be able to go to Stanford, having given away all of her money to help her mom into rehab. Clemmons does have a heart, and he says that Veronica can opt for detention instead, which she gladly accepts, although she really didn't have choice.
Waiting for her sentence, Veronica overhears on the intercom that Trina Echolls (Alyson Hannigan) is coming back to be a celebrity director for the school's production of Hamlet. The Principal seemed very eager to welcome back one of their own, but Veronica knew the only reason why she was there was probably because she was booted off of the Surreal Life. You know the writers just have to get bonus points for mentioning other Viacom properties. It turns out that Veronica's penance will be sorting through a bunch of old school records. It's either sheer stupidity or cruel irony that Clemmons would have Veronica sorting through school records since that is what she got busted for, but it's going to be a lot of work nonetheless, and it turns up a few surprises, some even better than when you wash your pants and find an extra $20 that made it through the wash.
As we all know, Veronica's mom went to Neptune high school as well. She used to go with Jake Kane before Celeste moved in, although we aren't sure their flame ever really died down. Veronica happens upon her mom's personal file, and she's surprised to find that her mom was suspended, along with Deborah Phillipina Drummond, who would later go on to be Deborah Phillipina Hauser, for spreading rumors. Clemmons catches her sifting through the records, although what did he expect her to do in a dark room with all of those files? So what if she reads some old file, she can't cause that much trouble, right?
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