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The Priest Is My Drug Lord; I Shall Not Want - TVgasm

by J-Unit

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vm2-1-06After Duncan fled for Mexico last week, many people in Neptune, including Veronica Mars wondered if they would ever see him again. For those of you wondering the same thing, don't hold your breath. See, the actor whop lays Duncan, Teddy Dunn[not Gunn, thanks KiwiKerry4eva], is only signed on for one more episode this season, which means that we probably have heard the last of the Meg Manning saga for a little while. It might be sort of an abrupt end, but the writers were shrewd to have Astrid, Celeste Kane's personal assistant, accompany Duncan, meaning we can always use her as a proxy towards Duncan's whereabouts. Who knows, maybe Duncan will jump on Astrid (he seems to like the type) and save her the trouble of kissing up to Celeste in order to make money. That is all speculation, and even with Duncan out of the picture, we still have plenty of conspiracies running through Neptune to keep us busy. And as we have all learned from 1.5 seasons of Veronica Mars, answering those questions is never easy.

The first question on our minds involves Wallace. Last week, a reporter from Chicago gave Wallace a chance to speak about what happened when the Escalade met the wino. Wallace had been trying to hide from everything in Neptune and keep his mouth shut, but decided that he was going to do the right thing and tell the truth. He was meeting the reporter at Java the Hut, and Veronica handed him a slice of German Chocolate Nutgasm. No, that is not one of EdHill's new bedroom moves, but a slightly provocative name for a cake. Nutgasm does sound sort of like a Christmas ballet produced by Vivid Video, but I am not one to complain about furthering the use of -gasm as a suffix denoting the best ever, so why make a fuss?

Wallace's case is keeping Veronica busy. She is still dealing with her boyfriend fleeing the country with his dead ex-girlfriend's baby, and she needs a project. Keith Mars, on the other hand, has something planned of his own. He goes to the police station, and using the "I'm getting audited excuse" in order to get Inga away from her desk. She uses her absence to make himself a key card for the evidence locker. Although they have had problems with things being taken from the evidence room, Lamb and company still haven't bothered to do such simple things as point the camera guarding the evidence room in a position where it could actually catch anybody. Keith walks in, gets the evidence that he needs (taped recordings of police interviews about the bus crash), and heads off on his merry way,

Finally, we have Weevil. He slides up next to Molly Fitzpatrick and starts asking some questions about her and Felix, and whether Felix was working with her pale, drunk, and angry crime family. Molly laughs and says that they both would have been killed if her family had found out. She did say that they had met at Church, the only place, as Weevil says "the Micks and the Spics" can get together without fighting. And wouldn't you know it? Patrick Fitzpatrick is actually the priest at St. Mary's. That's just too big of a coincidence not to have a massive conspiracy involved, much like the deaths of Coretta Scott King and Chris Penn happening in the same week. It makes you wonder what is really going on. Excuse me, but there is a black helicopter hovering outside my window, and some sort of spotlight on me. Oh, never mind that's just the street lamp. But while I am talking nonsense, did anybody else think Molly Fitzpatrick looked sort of old and busted? I'd rather date Molly McButter.

The most important business of the day, however, belonged to Wallace. Even though he did the right thing, he still was a snitch, and his snitch could cost Rashard Rucker millions of dollars down the road. That's bad news for Rashard and bad news for all of the people who are looking to leech off of his success, and that means there could be hundreds of people who want to get back at Wallace for what he has done. Wallace thinks everything is OK, but the next day, he gets a call from his dad. Front page news: Wallace Fennell implicated in hit and run. That's right folks. Everybody else in the car is testifying that Wallace was the driver, and with everything at stake, he is going to need a good lawyer.

vm2-1-06a
Not quite the headline Wallace was looking for.

Clearly Wallace goes to Veronica for help picking a lawyer, and of course Veronica is going to pick Cliff. Cliff is a lawyer, and he has not problem giving Wallace some advice, but since he isn't working for $500 an hour, he says Wallace should simply turn himself over to the police when they ask. He will be transferred to Chicago and stand trial. Taking the fall for somebody else's crime was not something Wallace had envisioned when he decided to do the right thing. It was time for Veronica to get started on her big project.

Wallace is convinced that Rashard's uncle is behind the whole thing, and if he only could talk to Rashard alone, he could convince him what he did was wrong. He doesn't have to turn himself in for another five days, so if Ms. Mars is on her game, he can make it to this week's big game against Pan high. Thankfully, Veronica knows somebody who goes to UCLA and is able to give her Mr. Rucker's schedule, since he is conveniently visiting Westwood for a look at the campus, and to see if what they say about the co-eds is true. (Note to self: When weather gets warmer, start blogging on UCLA campus next to freshman dorms. To bring: iPod, binoculars, lotion.)


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