The Cruelest Cut of Them All - 
by J-Unit
I may have thought that things had changed for prospective students visiting college, but I soon learned that all was well. That night, Wallace and Veronica joined in a long tradition of students visiting college by going out to a party. Wallace was busy talking to girls about Kierkegaard (he Veronica Mars, Seth Cohen already did that earlier this year), leaving Veronica to fend off the advances of all of the "drunk doofuses". One upset her so much, she decided the best way to get him to learn that this profro wasn't going to get all googly-eyed just because he is horny over a natural blonde, she throws a beer in his face. When the dude lays a hand on her, Troy steps up to him and gets a punch in the face as a thank you. Still, Veronica appreciated the gesture, even though he saw him walking away with another girl just moments later.
Facial!
One of the problems with Veronica Mars the show is that there are so many great characters, it's hard to give them all screen time. I think the writers actually do a great job giving us just enough insight that we aren't screaming too loudly about the characters we don't see each week. One person that we haven't heard a lot of information on is Cliff McCormack, Mars family friend and Neptune public defender, but all of that is about to change. Keith gets a phone call, and meets Cliff at a hotel room, where he finds the lawyer tied to the bed. How did he make the call when his cell phone was on the nightstand? I'm not too sure, but I think it is banned in at least a dozen states. Cliff is well known as somebody who enjoys the "titty bars", as the kids say, and not because of the great lunch buffets. Still, he had been at an OBGYN convention handing out his card (they are the most sued doctors in the state), so one wouldn't expect that a person making so much money looking into vaginas would want to take advantage of Cliff, or steal his briefcase.
I forgot the safe word
Keith was the first Mars to get an emergency call that morning, but he wasn't the last. Veronica got a call from Troy Vandergraff, the girl that Veronica saw him going home with was given rohypnol, raped, and then had her head shaved. When they came looking for Troy to gather some evidence, they found that he already had washed his clothes. Although he admitted that there were a lot of people there that saw him together and he did go back to her room, Troy said that Stacy had thrown up on him. He tucked her into bed and then went to an all-night laundry to preserve his only clean change of clothes. Veronica wants to believe Troy has changed, so she decides to help him out. There were plenty of other suspects at her party, so it could have been one of them.
Digging further into Cliff's robbery, Keith was able to dig up some security tape from the Neptune Grand. He confessed that he had become tight with the security staff when Veronica was dating Duncan, which explains why he always had a sixth sense about what she was doing over there. Eventually, they come to the part of the tape where Cliff is on camera, and while he may not have had good memories of the night, he sure had his fun with some good mammaries. Stuffing his face down there and doing the "motor boat". Definitely not quite as funny as the shocker, but amusing nonetheless.
A little bit later on the tape, Lamb comes in with a little tart of his own. By this time, the OBGYN has returned from tying up Cliff, and appears to know Lamb. The two of them have a little conversation and then Lamb goes back to work on a little motor boating of his own. I am surprised they couldn't have worked in a dirty Sanchez line in there somewhere, but when Veronica walks into the office (the three day tour didn't require people to actually stay on campus), she notices the girl on the tape as none other than Madison Sinclair. Man, what is it about these Neptune Sheriff's and their interest in high school girls? We learned earlier that Madison dumped Dick in favor of an older man, although really, Lamb isn't all that much mature than the elder Casablancas son.
Veronica's first stop in the search to exonerate Troy is the house Pie Sigma Sigma. He had remembered there was a guy with Greek letters on it, so why not see if any of them wake before noon and will answer some questions. It's funny because when you look at the name of the fraternity on the house, it says π∑∑, which sort of looks like PEE if you know Greek letters, but ∑ is not E, but an S, so it is really PSS, which is kind of dumb. Again, a good opportunity the writers missed to name the house Kappa Omega Chi, or something like that. Or maybe the joke went over my head and one of you will be kind enough to fill me in.
As Veronica enters and tries to combat the foul stench of beer, vomit, and marijuana smoke (ahh, those were the days...) she noticed that the guy who was bothering her was a member. Unfortunately, the guy who Troy noticed, Gordon Peters, was at the hospital getting his stomached pumped after only 18 tequila shots. Quite obviously, he wouldn't make it at Dartmouth, where we would have called that little display quite weak unless he had been playing pong AND had a paper due the next morning.
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