As Falls Wichita Falls, So Falls RAW's Creativity. - 
by copygodd
Looks like we're going to find out the answer to question number one first, as Bischoff struts down to the ring carrying the WWE title belt. Since it appears to be of the non-spinning variety, this can't be good for the champ. And indeed it isn't, as Eric tells us he has a MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT about the very title belt he's holding. BUT FIRST... He invites your Olympic hero, Kurt Angle, down to the ring. Having soured on the Bomb Pop look, tonight Kurt's sporting a new black mouthpiece, which makes him look like he has no teeth. Backstage, Trevor Murdoch's banjo starts a-pickin'...
After weeks of being outsmarted by Cena, Bischoff decides he's just going to strip him of the title and hand it over to Angle. He'd have gotten away with it too, if weren't for those meddling kids. And by meddling kids, I mean of course Mr. Vincent K. McMahon.
Vince interrupts Eric and says he has his own MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT to make. (Can't these guys coordinate their schedules a little better? Two MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENTS in the first five minutes means no more MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENTS for the rest of the show.) McMahon informs Bischoff he doesn't have the authority to strip Cena of the title, and asks Eric to explain what happened last night. Bischoff then cries until McMahon tells him to shut the hell up! Vince's major announcement: Kerwin White isn't really white! Actually, he announces that in two weeks WWE Raw is moving back to USA Network with a special three-hour homecoming show (three hours? The wife is going to kill me!) featuring a lot of former WWE superstars coming home. (Get it?) The list includes, but is not limited to, Mick Foley! Triple H! Papa Smurf! Hulk Hogan! Stone Cold Steve Austin! Carrot Top! And, of course, the WWE's newest entry in the "White Trash" division, Sean Preston Spears Federline!!
Please, somebody, kill me.
He also announces a special Championship Match for WWE's Homecoming between John Cena and... Eric Bischoff. Great. The biggest night in RAW history and the top match is between a white rapper and an even whiter manager? I can't wait.
After the break, Bischoff is seen chasing Mr. McMahon out of the arena, begging him to drop the match. McMahon agrees to think about it, then gets in the limo. Before driving off, McMahon rolls down the window and tells Bischoff he's thought about it, and Bischoff still has to fight Cena. In yo face, Frosty Top!
(1) Trish Status Pins Torrie Wilson And that's all I have to say about that.
(2) Trevor Murdoch Pins The Hurricane Do you smell children? Then Trevor Murdoch must be nearby. Last night at Unforgiven, Cade and Murdoch took the tag team titles from The Hurricane and Rosie. Tonight, Murdoch is in a singles match with The Hurricane. During the match, Coach tells us that Cade spent all the money he won last night on a new belt buckle. Personally, I didn't know you could get a belt buckle in a gumball machine, but they were in Oklahoma, so I guess anything's possible. Murdoch throws the biggest hissy fit when The Hurricane hits him back; you'd think The Hurricane had just turned down his invitation to an early evening rape. The Hurricane is doing well until he hurts his shoulder, at which point Murdoch fists him and picks up the victory.
My, what big belt buckles you have.
Todd Grisham interviews Carlito, who claims he didn't actually lose to Ric Flair last night. "The ref said I tapped out," Carlito explains, "but I was just reaching for the ropes. That's all that happened. Ric Flair did not beat Carlito. But tonight Carlito will beat Ric Flair. And that's cool." Other things that Carlito considers cool: ass chaps.
After the break, Edge is seen whining to Bischoff about last night's loss in the Steel Cage Match to Matt Hardy. "Last night, Matt Hardy went too far," Edge tells Bischoff. "He touched my monkey." And by monkey, Edge of course means Lita. "Not only did he touch my monkey woman," he continues, "he gave her an orgasm." Not really. But the thought of Matt Hardy giving Lita an orgasm is almost as believable as the thought of Matt Hardy giving Lita the Twist of Fate, which he actually did. Edge demands that Bischoff fire Matt Hardy. Bischoff finger-snaps, telling Edge "Oh no you di'int! You're not the only one around here with problems, Mr. Edge. Have you seen my hair?" Bischoff then makes a special "Loser Leaves RAW" Ladder Match between Edge and Matt for WWE Homecoming.
(3) tyson tomko Knocks Out Eddie Craven Scott Ian from Anthrax tyson tomko is up next against Eddie Craven, the hometown hero from Wichita Falls. You know you're in (I said urine) big trouble when you're introduced (I said it again) as a hometown hero and you're wearing lavender trunks. T-Squared (as Coach is now calling tyson) knocks Craven out with a big boot to the face, followed up by a bigger celebration. At least I think it's a celebration. tomko talks so quietly, for all I know he could have been sharing his recipe for short rib osso bucco.
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