Monster Trash. - 
by copygodd
Since it's Halloween, the Coach and Jerry Lawler are wearing costumes: Coach is dressed as Conrad McMasters from Walker: Texas Ranger, while the King is dressed as himself. I don't know which is scarier. Wait a minute, Coach is actually dressed as a Stone Cold redneck. Okay, I still don't know which is scarier, but I'm pretty sure I'm gonna need another beer.
Starting off tonight's show are general manager Eric Bischoff and Chris Masters. Since he's coming out (ha!) with Bischoff, Masters doesn't get to play his intro music. Which means Coach barely has time to splooge in his cutoffs. Masters issues a special "MasterLock Challenge" for Rey Mysterio, who's accompanied to the ring by SmackDown manager Theodore Long. Masters tells Mysterio he didn't think Rey'd have the guts to show up, then lifts Rey-Rey up onto a chair. Unfortunately, that just puts Mysterio within reach of Masters and his huge head, neither of which were prepared for the assault that followed. Bischoff quickly called for backup. Ready Teddy called for backup, too. Considering Bischoff's backup was Kirwin White, Snitsky, Cade, Murdoch, Edge and Lita, while Theo's was JBL, Christian, Hardcore Holly and Matt Hardy, it's no wonder Bischoff's boys got their collective asses beat. These guys couldn't beat SmackDown's new Peewee Junior Division, let alone five of their top performers. Right-Said-Ted promised more embarrassment tomorrow for RAW at Taboo Tuesday. Hopefully he wasn't referring to a replay of this match.
Does this midget make me look tall?
(1) Kurt Angle defeats Tajiri The Japanese Buzzsaw almost kicked his way to victory, until he tried to lock in the Tarantula, which has to be one of the dumbest moves ever. Evidently Angle agrees, as he reversed the move and locked in the Ankle Lock. Why didn't Tajiri just spit the green mist like all good Japanese wrestlers do? Afterward, Angle talked some smack about Cena, who, of course, bumrushed the ring. Angle wouldn't stay and fight though, and simply walked away, leaving Young EmCena alone again, naturally. Can you believe the heat these two are building for tomorrow night's match at Taboo Tuesday? I'm surprised I haven't spontaneously combusted just recapping it. Wait, no I'm not.
After the break, we get a little banter between Coach and the King. Seems the Coach has given himself an actual red neck for his costume. "Normally, I don't get along with rednecks," he tells Lawler. "But tonight I'm getting along with myself very well," adding, "Especially when Chris Masters came out earlier. I can't wait till Rob Conway comes out later, so I can get along with myself even better. Anyone seen my tissues?"
Next up, a retrospective on the history between former BFFs Triple H and Ric Flair. These guys fight and get back together more often than Ross and Rachel. Only there's less bloodshed. Flair woos his way down the ramp, telling Hunter he's kissed his ass for so long, tomorrow night he's going to kick it. He's also hugged him so long that tomorrow night he's going to mug him. Too bad he didn't say anything about how he's tagged him for so long that tomorrow night he's going to gag him. I'd watch that. Instead, he begged the fans to put him in a cage match with HHH at Taboo Tuesday. I'm surprised he's not bleeding already.
(2) Eugene defeats Rob Conway via DQ Eugene loves him some WWE Legends. Which is why he's so upset with The Conman, who's been working his way through members of the Seniors Legends Division faster than a sack of White Castle's through my drunken bowels. Unfortunately for Eugene, JR is still gone, so there was nobody to mention his freakish strength. No mention of freakish strength means no win for the Special One. Conway gets himself disqualified for hitting Eugene with a steel chair. Before he can punish Eugene any more, however, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Jimmy Snuka and Kamala come to his rescue, each delivering their signature moves.
"I'm lovin' it."
Cut to Lawler, wearing one of those stupid Burger King masks. (Have I mentioned how much The (Burger) King creeps me out? Thank goodness nobody showed up at my house last night wearing that mask, because I'd have kicked them square in the nutz and then stolen their candy. Yeah, that's how I roll.) Anyway, Lawler delivers another awkward product promo before running down to the ring and hitting Conway. It was so creepy, McDonald's should consider running this segment as their next ad campaign.
Backstage, Todd Grisham is attempting to interview Gregory "Don't Call Me Hurricane" Helms. Unfortunately, Grisham is dressed as Sophia from The Golden Girls dressed as Harry Carey, so Helms won't talk with him. 
Todd's unfortunate costume choice didn't stop Mrs. Foley's baby boy from talking though. Foley said he'd been in the TV truck putting together a surprise for Carlito, then complimented Grisham on his Church Lady outfit.
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