Help Wanted. - 
by copygodd
Tonight's episode started with a recap of the Trial of Eric Bischoff. It's done just like an episode of The People's Court, complete with music and graphics, except there's no Rusty. That's probably because Rusty died back in 2002. However, judging by the Katie Vick storyline RAW presented a few years back, they're certainly not above digging up a corpse if it'll get a few cheap laughs. Fortunately for Rusty (and us), they decided not to cross that line this time. Otherwise Vince would've spent the night pulling various items from the decomposed back-porch of America's favorite bailiff.
Mr. McMahon struts out to the ramp to make an announcement. Will it be our new GM? We don't know, because his mike doesn't work. A sound tech tries to toss Vinnie a new one, but he throws like a girl and it lands at Vince's feet. Vince picks up the microphone and throws it back to the hapless tech, demanding he "hand it to me like a man." Poor sound guy. I hope TNA is hiring.
Working microphone in hand, Vince tells us he's currently looking for a new general manager. It could be anyone: his daughter Stephanie, his son Shane, even me, copygodd. Okay, not really me, but only because I haven't applied yet. Until he makes his decision, though, Vince has appointed an interim manager. In his words, this person is "a business icon, a creative genius and one handsome virile son-of-a-bitch." Hey, it is me! I rock.
Actually, it's Vince. And his first order of interimming is to make five qualifying matches for the Elimination Chamber match at New Year's Revolution. The first of which is up next.
(1) Kurt Angle versus Ric Flair in an Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match McMahon says he won't censor the crowd's "You Suck" chants like Easy E did, so of course they're extra loud tonight. And there's no real talk of Flair's recent "Road Rage" incident either, other than a Joey Styles throwaway line. Odd. The King does mention that Flair looks better than the last time we saw him, but he's talking about the Last Man Standing match with HHH, not Flair's mug shot which was shown on the TitanTron last week. 
Coach says that at one time, Ric Flair was in Kurt Angle's league, but not anymore. Just like at one time, Coach was in Eric Bischoff's jock. Sadly, that time, too, has passed. The match itself is okay. The most surprising thing is that Angle out-sweats Flair. Does he have the flu or something? The least surprising is that Angle wins.
Winner: Kurt Angle.
Angle's not done, though, and grabs a microphone to talk about next week's special holiday show from Afghanistan. It was a voluntary trip for the WWE Superstars, and Angle says he didn't volunteer to go. Why? Because he doesn't suck. "I won a gold medal with a broken freakin' neck," he says. "I did the ultimate thing that anyone in this world can do." Angle did Heidi Klum? "What have the troops done?" he asks. "Nothing." Kurt says if they catch Osama, he might go sign a few autographs. "Why should I fly 30 hours and risk my life for these troops that represent a country that doesn't respect me?" he wants to know. I'd just like to know where this bit is going. Once Daivari shows up on the TitanTron, I know that wherever it's going, it can't be good.
Once again, Daivari is speaking English. This dude needs to make up his mind. Is he an English-speaking terrorist, or a Farsi-speaking terrorist? 
Daivari's standing next to statues of Larry Bird and Bobby Orr. He hawks up a terror-filled loogie and spits on Larry Bird. Meanwhile, you can see several totally disinterested fans standing in the background. Way to frame a shot, cameraman. If I were GM, I'd fire your film school ass. Next, Daivari says he's going to spray paint Bobby Orr. When he turns around, Cena's standing there. Not so fast, Johnny Jihad. Cena slaps the English out of Daivari's mouth, and Daivari starts screaming in Farsi again.
Cena addresses the camera and tells Angle he's bush-league. "You won't go visit the troops because people out here say you suck?" he asks Kurt. "Newsflash, Kurt: Half the people out here think I suck too." Good to see Cena's acknowledging his shrinking popularity. Hopefully this means he's getting closer to turning heel. Cena ends by calling Kurt a heartless bastard, before spraying-painting the camera lens. We can't see Cena now. Get it?
After the break, Lita and Edge, who's now billing himself as "The Rated R Superstar" (not to be confused with Har Mar Superstar, although it would be totally kickass to see him climb in the squared circle sometime) are making fun of Flair for his troubles with the law. Like a lot of things the WWE does these days, I don't get it. I mean, I get what they're talking about. I just don't get why they're doing it like this. If I were GM, at the very least I'd have Sgt. Slaughter teach Ric the rules of the road.
In a cage.
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