Author: NotWithoutMyTV

Top 10 Shows, Thursday, February 27   Zero interest. Zero Hour (8 pm, ABC) Hank’  Galliston’s associates, Rachel and Arron, and FBI agent Becca Riley join him as he races against time to find his wife and save humanity. It’s handy they can kill two birds with one stone. If they had to find Hank’s [...]

***Please welcome home NotWithoutMyTV to fill in for the week!! Love ya buddy! Top 10 TV Shows, Wednesday, Feb 27  Gun Stories (7:30 pm) An in-depth look at the FN Fal. I bet the NRA thinks it’s cruel that you can watch this show but can’t readily buy the featured product.  Pasion Prohibida (8 pm [...]

Instead of watching the news, go pet your dog. You’ll both be happier.   Friday, June 15th Deadliest Catch (8 pm) Tempers on deck flare as temperatures plunge and every skipper steels himself for battle. This is Deadliest Catch’s version of “The contestants sing; one is eliminated.” Countdown to Niagara: The Greatest Megastunts of All [...]

Thursday, June 14th On June 14th, 2000, a mail clerk named Andrew Cohen flounced into the Bravo programming director’s office to deliver a package. Interrupting an impromptu strategy session, Cohen opined that “the peforming arts are dead,” and that “people want the organic drama of reality television!” One closed door meeting and an energetic blow [...]

Wednesday, June 13th Duets (ABC, 9:30 pm) In this new take on the old singing competition formula, music industry greats Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Nettles, John Legend, and Robin Thicke forgo the judges’ table to travel the country individually, searching for undiscovered talent to perform with and mentor. 9:30 seems a little late in the evening [...]

Tuesday, June 12 Last night between 11:30 pm and 12 am, the little date numbers on my watch slowly marched forward. That means I’m one day closer to a karmic death through which I will gain a more highly evolved life next time around. That’s probably not an important day in history to you, but [...]

Monday, June 11 On this day in 1507, a vicious feud broke out between two Roman families, the Gorgas and the Guidices, possibly over a scandalous woodcut. The feud would last for 3 tumultuous years, and many parties and gatherings would be disrupted by their duels and wig snatching. Finally, the ruling Medici, Lucio “Roller” [...]

Friday, February 10th Knows healthy cake mix when he sees it. Shark Tank (ABC, 8 pm) A towel that provides coverage to change out of a swimsuit in public; a sweater and quilt invention; a way to maximize a wine’s life; healthy cake mix for dogs. Yo. Yo. Yo. Healthy cake mix for dogs, yo? [...]

Thursday, February 9th   Nobody does the Seal Pump like the Chukchi. Wipeout (ABC, 8 pm) Contestants encounter Garry the Eskimo as they tackle the Arctic Circle. The Inuit Cultural Education Association already has already filed a complaint with ABC concerning Garry’s dress and behavior “designed to encourage misleading stereotypes.” Grey’s Anatomy (ABC, 9 pm) [...]

Wednesday, February 8th  Nature (PBS, 8 pm) Scientists follow a family of urban raccoons. Rural raccoons raid garbage cans. Urban raccoons steal cars. Modern Family (ABC, 9 pm) Claire thinks Phil’s new business partner (Greg Kinnear) is blatantly inappropriate, but Phil doesn’t notice. Of course Phil doesn’t notice; all sit-com husbands are practically retarded. Criminal [...]

Tuesday, February 7th   His own best friend. Spaceballs (HBO Family, 5:20 pm) President Skroob pits evil Dark Helmet against Lone Starr and the half-man, half-dog Barf. If I had an RV, I would totally strap rocket engines to it. The Daily Show with John Stewart (Comedy Central, 6 pm) Tilda Swinton. Just say no [...]

Monday, February 8th   Courtney doesn’t love you. The Bachelor (8 pm) Ben and the women travel to Panama; a two-on-one date ends with one woman being sent home; Kacie B. opens up to Ben; Chris confronts Casey S. about a secret she has been keeping. Ben continues his graceless journey toward the ultimate dating-show [...]

Friday, February 3rd   We don’t talk about Charlie. Who Do You Think You Are (NBC, 8 pm) Actor Martin Sheen traces his family tree, hoping to find his ancestors shared his love of activism; Martin discovers a family secret from the 1700s. Wow, I better pee and have all my snacks ready. I wouldn’t [...]

Thursday, February 2nd Cash Cab (Discovery Channel, 6 pm) Episode title: Chuck Norris Wins. Chuck Norris doesn’t win Cash Cab. Cash Cab gives Chuck Norris the money in return for its life. The Rosie Show (OWN, 7 pm) Rosie’s Sing-A-Long with Kristen Chenoweth. Sometimes I envy Marlee Matlin.   Vote for me or my boyfriend [...]

Wednesday, February 1 E! News (E!, 7 pm) Coverage of television, film and music, as well as the celebrity party scene. Tonight, the surprising reason why we love Jennifer Aniston, but we don’t want her to be happy. Hogs Gone Wild (Discovery, 7 pm) Dr. West and Renee go on the hunt for giant, wild [...]

Tuesday, January 31st Inside the Actor’s Studio (Bravo, 7 pm) George Clooney discusses his child hood, film career and choices. It’s hard to believe Bravo hasn’t filled this slot with Housewives reruns. Glee (Fox, 8 pm) Mr. Schuester declares that it is “Michael Week” at McKinley High. I declare that it’s “No Bra” week at [...]

Monday, January 30th The Bachelor (ABC, 8 pm) Courtney suggests Ben go skinny dipping with her. And the remaining desperados who didn’t think of it first clutch their pearls and bunch their panties. House (Fox, 8 pm) House threatens Foreman’s relationship with a married woman (Yaya DaCosta). Yaya. Someone named their kid Yaya. I’m not [...]

Saturday, Jan. 28th   Poet Laureate Full Metal Jacket (8 pm) A Marine and his companions endure basic training under a sadistic drill sergeant and fight in the 1968 Tet offensive. This movie has the most quotable character in the history of media. Don’t make me come in there. Ultimate Factories: Frito Lay (National Geographic, [...]

Friday, January 27 20/20 (ABC, 9 pm) When a woman tries to divorce her husband, TV producer Richard Shenkman, he reacts with a violent rampage that includes stalking, burning a house to the ground, and kidnapping his estranged wife at gunpoint. I think there’s still some love there. Does this ticket say “slap some raw [...]

Thursday, January 26 Do whu na-ow? 30 Rock (NBC, 8 pm) Tracy leads a protest defending idiots everywhere. Phaedra Parks immediately volunteers to mobilize her fellow idiot Atlantans. American Idol (Fox, 8 pm) Hopefuls audition for the judges in Galveston, Texas. Everything is bigger in Texas—especially the fail. The Finder (Fox, 9pm) A NASA scientist [...]

Wednesday, Jan. 25 Monsters Inside Me (OWN, 6 pm) A Virginia woman is attacked by a brain-eating parasite; a Midwestern farmer battles a parasite that cannot be killed; a New Yorker is infected with a deadly parasite. Common thread? Parasite. American Idol (Fox, 8 pm) Hopefuls in Aspen perform for the judges. Wear a short [...]

Tuesday, January 24th  Nothing stops The Blob! The Biggest Loser (NBC, 8 pm) The teams compete in a battering ram challenge to win rights to the gym. Battering ram? I AM a battering ram! All Star Dealers (Discovery, 8 pm) A treasure hunt through Dennis Rodman’s storage facility. Not it! The Rosie Show (OWN, 7 [...]

Monday, January 23 The Bachelor (ABC, 8 pm) Jennifer and Rachel get one-on-one dates; Ben takes eight lucky ladies horseback riding; Ben surprises a bachelorette at the after party; Emily warns Ben about one of the women. Courtney’s fiendish plot to rule the world unaccountably requires the destruction of a greasy-haired young man named Ben… [...]

Saturday , January 21st  MSNBC Special News Coverage (MSNBC, 8 pm) South Carolina Primary. Newt Gingrich has said that “at times in my life, partially driven by how passionate I felt about this country, I worked far too hard and at times did things that were inappropriate.” Gringrich’s patriotic passion might be too big for [...]

Friday, January 20th Shark Tank (ABC, 8 pm) NBA champion Bill Walton helps a triathlete pitch his idea for a unique water bottle. He wears a Bottle Boy suit. Oh, Bill. Star Wars: Clone Wars (Cartoon Network, 8 pm) Obi-Wan enters a prison, disguised as a convict, in order to extract information; Obi-Wan must work [...]

Thursday, Jan. 19 American Idol (8 pm) Stability is the keyword for this season as the judges’ panel remains the same for the second straight year, the first time the panel has been the same in consecutive seasons since the addition of the (short-lived) fourth judge following season seven. “We’re holding stable” seems like a [...]

Wednesday, Jan. 18th Whitney (ABC, 8 pm) Happily unmarried Whitney (Whitney Cummings) and Alex (Chris D’Elia) seek advice from their friends when they realize they are close to relationship boredom. Well, at least their circle of friends isn’t an adorably quirky bunch. Oh. Brain trust. American Idol (Fox, 8 pm) Auditions in Atlanta. This. Again. [...]

Tuesday, Jan. 17 Glee (Fox, 8 pm) Finn’s plans for after graduation surprise his friends. A spin-off show in which he goes to college that lasts six episodes before being canceled? Snooki, look out! Taboo (National Geographic Channel) Humans have an inherent urge to fight. In some cultures, the boundaries of what is considered acceptable [...]

Monday, Jan. 16 The Rosie Show (OWN, 7 pm) Rehearsal for Rosie’s Theater Kids. Has Oprah got a theater charity yet? Then get me one, fool, before she thinks of it! What’s it spelling? L, I, M, O, R, I, D,E, O, F, S, H, A, M, E. Oh, no! The Bachelor (ABC, 8 pm) [...]

Thursday, January 12th Rob (CBS, 8:30 pm) Rob (Rob Schneider) meets his new wife’s large Mexican-American family for the first time and notices he doesn’t quite fit in. This Rob Schneider vehicle will last exactly as long as it takes NBC to realize that reruns of Two and a Half Men get better ratings. Project [...]

Wednesday, Jan. 11 One Tree Hill (CW, 8 pm) Clay and Quinn encounter a mysterious problem. No matter what they try, their DVR just will not tape the Venture Bros. Nature (PBS, 8 pm) Street-smart kangaroos move into Australia’s capital city. “Clean and sober. Have a mate and joeys. Anything helps. God bless!” Suburgatory (ABC, [...]

Tuesday, Jan. 10 Oh great. Now they have to go to the bathroom. Texas Multi Mamas (WE, 8 pm) Casey takes her quads on a road trip. Remember your helmet! Work It (ABC, 8:30 pm) When the guys make their first attempts at sales, they are surprised to discover that Lee’s experience is no competition [...]

Monday, Jan. 9 The Bachelor (ABC, 8 pm) Twelve bachelorettes try out for a community theater production written by children. That’s totally meta, considering that the Bachelor’s story arcs are written for children. Antiques Roadshow (PBS, 8 pm) A 1960 first edition copy of “To Kill a Mockingbird”; collection of bronzes; rare 1924 Gibson F-5 [...]

Saturday, Jan. 7 My Cat From Hell (Animal Planet, 8 pm) A cat named Kleo keeps Tim from proposing to his girlfriend. Kleo has no opposable thumbs. How much control over Tim can she possibly have? Cops (Fox, 8 pm) A homeless man refuses to leave the handicap stall in a store bathroom. Who can [...]

Friday, Jan. 6 E! News! (E!, 7 pm) A team of reporters cover television, film and music, as well as the celebrity party scene. Is Jessica Biel pregnant? Is Justin Timberlake the father? Aren’t Ryan Seacrest’s teeth shiny tonight? Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC, 8 pm) Ty and the team head to Iowa to help [...]

Thursday, Jan. 5 What’s spellcheck ever done for me? Toddlers & Tiaras (TLC, 6 pm) Large prizes draw contestants to the America’s Trezured Dollz pageant in Nashville, Tenn. Candice? Are you sure you spelled the name of that pageant right? Project Runway All Stars (Lifetime, 9 pm) Guest judges include famed fashionista Miss Piggy and [...]

Wednesday, Jan. 4 Deep well of undirected anger. Hardball with Chris Matthews (MSNBC, 5 pm) Political analyst Chris Matthews talks about a wide range of issues and asks hard questions of politicians, pundits and other guests. Chris, ask Congress the question we all want answered: “WHAT THE @#!%! DO YOU FUCKWAFFLES THINK YOU’RE DOING??” The [...]

Tuesday, Jan. 2 Celebrity Wife Swap (ABC, 9 pm) Gayle Haggard, wife of former TV evangelist Ted Haggard, trades lives with Steffanie Sampson, who is engaged to actor Gary Busey and rejects organized religion. After experiencing Gary Busey lovin’, Gayle refuses to swap back. Rooint! Work It (ABC, 8:30 pm) When unemployed best friends Lee [...]

Monday, Jan. 2nd Hold on. Just let me get rid of this bimbo… The Bachelor (ABC, 8 pm) Ben Flajnik returns to the mansion for the season’s first cocktail party; a septuagenarian confesses her love for Ben; a bachelorette shows up at the mansion on a horse. Ben and Levi the horse have been spotted [...]