Author: BelowSeaLevel

Kim spent most of last week’s episode trying to learn the rules of football…stupidity on so many levels.  Rose, her grandmotherly psychic, showed that her crystal ball needs new spark plugs and an oil change after she predicted Kroy would be in the Super Bowl.  It wasn’t exactly a lingerie league team, but Kim learned [...]

Last week, Kim and Kroy celebrated their first anniversary Biermann-style, recreating their wedding at the venue of the dance competition where Kim first saw Kroy’s ass.  For Kim, that’s super sentimental, y’all. The most important question that needs answering about any celebration with Kim is:  What about the gifts?  Kim sure does love her gifts.  [...]

It’s time to party at the Biermann home.  Kim and Kroy have been married for one year and this is a perfect opportunity to spend lots and lots more cash.  There’s even a baby named Kash. Last week, Bravo treated us to two lovely episodes to catch up on Kim’s life since Don’t Be Tardy [...]

Even though one episode would have been more than enough for the premiere of Don’t Be Tardy…, Bravo is giving the viewers a two-part gift of Kim and all of the tackiness that revolves around her planet.  Now, let’s get down in the mud and wallow around, shall we? This episode opens with Kim reading [...]

Good news!  Kim is back for another season of Don’t Be Tardy…  How exciting!  Will we see her in a double wide suffocating under a ton of hoarded cheap shit, cigarettes, and wigs this season?  Be patient, my little pretties, it’s coming…one day…maybe…probably. Life seemed pretty good for Kim when we last saw her marrying [...]

 ***The best of your comments continues with BelowSeaLevel’s faves! Happy holidays, Gasmii!  February is the month of love, so let’s celebrate Gasmii’s greatest love–snark.  Enjoy! SMH on “Swamp People”:  “I will sit and watch a Swamp People marathon Forrest Gump style (head cocked to one side) any day of the week. Don’t judge me. They’re [...]

Lucky us!  Over in the corner, kicking aside discarded Skweez Couture and broken dreams, Bravo has clawed through the stinky litter box they call the Bravo vaults for these never-before-seen droppings, I mean, lost footage.  Let’s enjoy! Madame Palindrome invites Carole, Ramona, and Sonja to her Spinning fundraiser.  We know that neither Ramona nor Sonja [...]

Time for the Not Really Lost Footage episode of The Real Housewives of New York City!   We meet Aviva’s hairless leg, Carole’s mail guy, and Sonja’s afternoon delight. Lu and Pepe meet with people desperate enough for air time that they go along with the countess’ plans for a collection of…ummm….apparel and accessories for…ummm…a [...]

Touted by Andy Cohen as perhaps the biggest scandal in Real Housewives of New York City history, Lu’s face was hilarious when she realized he was talking about her ALLEGED night with the Johnny Deppelganger in St. Barth.  Ramona had Lu’s back and repeated “alleged” a couple of times.  Lu (she loves it when you [...]

Andy Cohen opens Part Two of The Real Housewives of New York City Reunion with what he views the most controversial topic of the season–when faux royalty met faux Johnny Depp.  It was all a misunderstanding according to Lu, and she’s still together with her big dummy.  Sexy SonJa brought the heat, according to Andy, [...]

The Real Housewives of New York City Reunion is old school versus nOObies.  Flanking Andy Cohen on one side is Heather, Carole, and Aviva.  On the other side, there’s Ramona, Sonja, and LuAnn.  Let’s get to it! The reunion starts off with a Holla!  Andy thinks Holla! is controversial for some reason, but Heather defends [...]

The ladies reunite to rehash the season.  On one couch, the new girls:  Heather, Carole, and Aviva.  On the other couch, the returning housewives:  Ramona, Sonja, and LuAnn.  And off we go…. The reunions are filled with arguing and talking over each other, and this one starts off with Carole’s camera interviews being a little [...]

It’s the season 5 finale of The Real Housewives of New York City.  Last week’s episode ended with the Hornysaurus being kicked out of Ramona’s charity event for abused women after he grabbed Ramona by the arm.  Now it’s time to see what wacky catastrophe Heather’s charity fashion show to benefit organ transplant candidates can [...]

The finale has arrived.  It was a slow start, but after St. Barth, it seems like the season is flying by rather quickly.  The finale opens at a ping pong tournament hosted by Carole.  The Hornysaurus is still in town, so the finale won’t go down without a little creepy, perv flavor.  The final two [...]

Many things can be bad for business–bed bugs, YouTube videos of rats openly playing field sports, fingers in chili, etc., but what about the Hornysaurus roaming uncaged and unleashed through a store…on camera?  Well, that’s the nightmare of a health store in New York and opening scene of this week’s Real Housewives of New York City. [...]

New York’s least favorite perv is back and shopping for anything and everything herbal to help “get it up”.  Isn’t this something most octogenarians prefer to do privately?  Not if you’re the Hornysaurus.  He’s brought his daughter and cameras along and he’s stroking for a discount…not a limp one, either. The little fella’s about an [...]

Last week, Jenni, Jeff, and Andrew went to Chicago to make some progress with wedding plans.  Work continues on Gramercy, and Jeff Lewis Designs will be moving from West Knoll to Spring Oak.  Jeff and company met with Jeanne at Mulholland to move forward with remodeling plans. There’s often conversations and practical jokes that go [...]

Last week, the ladies finished off St. Barth, I mean, their week in St. Barth.  Feelings are still hurt by Madam Palindrome’s calling the Noodle Nymphettes “white trash” and her sucking the fun out of what had been an enjoyable, wild vacation.  Tomas, A/K/A Italian Deppster Friend, took Lu and Sonja for a good walk [...]

The ladies are back from their trip to St. Barths and bringing the drama.  Ramona and Mary-O open this week’s episode with cooking school at her friend’s home.  Lu and Jacques join them, along with Sonja and some unnamed guy that smiles a lot.  Did a can of spray tan explode on this guy’s face [...]

On last week’s episode of Flipping Out, Jeff focused on a generator, Gage focused on Gramercy, Jenni focused on her wedding, and Andrew focused on cleaning up his messes.  Let’s get to this week’s episode. WEST KNOLL Always up for joking around at Zoila’s expense, this week’s episode opens with Jeff joking around that Zoila [...]

It is Part Three of the Real Housewives of New York City sexual assault on St Barth.  Hurricanes would have been kinder.  The ladies have been enjoying their time, making it mostly a girls trip.  Capt. Tomas Sparrow and his codpiece have shown a couple of the ladies a good time, and the liquor has [...]

This week’s episode opens with Carole and Russ having breakfast and making plans for a dinner double date with Aviva and Reid.  Ramona walks in and overhears Aviva talking about their “foursome”.  The dynamics have definitely changed and Aviva seems quite pleased about it.  RamonJa decides to Google white trash to find out what exactly [...]

Welcome back for Season 6 of Flipping Out.  Jeff Lewis and his partner, Gage, are remodeling their dream home while juggling their interior design and renovation/remodeling projects.  Jenni, Zoila, and Vanina are back again this season, along with a new design assistant, Andrew.       WEST KNOLL This week’s episode opens at West Knoll, Jeff’s [...]

The ladies landed in St. Barths last week and for the most part, have been playing nicely with each other.  Sonja planned the first full day on the island and wrapped up the evening by bringing everyone to Le Ti St Barth, one of her favorite places.  They indulged in plenty of drinking and flashing [...]

Last week was Part One of the Real Housewives of New York trip to St. Barths.  Everyone had a grrreat time, especially LuAnn.  Who knew cheating, I mean, chatting with a group of old Italian friends could feel so goooooood?  This week’s episode opens with an un-party at the cougar den.  Many people were invited, [...]

Last week, the ladies were primping and preparing for the long-awaited trip to St. Barths.  Ramona launched her red wine, and Pleather had a couple of heated exchanges with cast mates.  Let’s see what the housewives are up to this week. The plane ride to St Barths triggers memories of the loss of Carole’s friends, [...]

The ladies head to St. Barths, so let the drama begin.  Carole deals with her discomfort of traveling in a small plane and Ramona’s screeching by putting on some headphones.  To deal with Ramona’s carrying on about getting the master suite, Carole gives in and lets Ramona take it.  Everyone wins when Sonja decides to [...]

In last week’s episode, Heather confronted Aviva about mocking Jacques’ flashy French accent.  Ramona was leaning over Heather’s shoulder to eavesdrop and got lit up like the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree because she thought they were talking about her.  It was probably the only two minutes of the season that she wasn’t being talked about [...]

This week’s episode of The Real Housewives of New York City opens with the fallout from Ramona’s screaming fit, having accused Heather of talking behind her back.  After Heather talks about Mario’s”crazy wife” that’s “acting crazy”, Aviva steps in with a huge ladle to stir up some more poop.  Mario tries to take up for [...]

Last week’s episode kicked off the holiday season in New York with plenty of boozy get-togethers, attempts to put wine-gate to rest, and a new holiday classic.  I’m curious if your opinions are changing about individual housewives.  Yes, no, maybe? Carole opens this week’s episode with a white elephant holiday party.  Everyone draws a number, [...]

This week’s episode opens with a white elephant holiday party hosted by Carole.  Pleather and Lu meet the Hornysaurus for the first time, and he does not disappoint.  Every gift is sex-related as seen through George’s glasses.  Even an iguana can’t escape the clitoral treatment. I think I’ll play with this little guy in private. [...]

Welcome back to another week of The Real Housewives of New York.  Last week, George and Sonja finally met in Miami, but it was more fizzle than fireworks.  Ramona wore out her welcome at the Drescher household, and LuAnn probably won’t be asking to borrow gowns from one of Carole’s friends again.  It isn’t much [...]

Last week’s episode was filled with old, sexed-up George.  The ladies are finally heading back to New York, so let’s check in and hope they’ve left the pervy vibe behind. Sonja is hosting Pleather and the Freebie Dream Team to move forward with the branding of Sonja and her toaster oven.  Pleather is livid when [...]

Last week, we got a glimpse into the world of a Viagra popper and the people who have to love him.  We witnessed him in his natural habitat:  expensive phallic hotdogs, a tra-flashy wardrobe, and blunt mating rituals.  Can’t have a show about the abuses of Viagra without knowing the antivenom–LuAnn’s caterwauling while waxing.  Yes, [...]

Welcome back to the Real Housewives of New York.  This week, the pressure is on for Cool Cat Carole to finish her new book.  Unfortunately, no time for writing now, though, because she needs to start packing for Miami.  What does dress for Kobe hotdog casual mean, exactly?   Carole and Sonja leave New York [...]

Last week, the Great White Grin swam in from London with her shiver of sharks and celebrated Aviva’s fifth anniversary with a pinot-soaked chum fest courtesy of Sonja in the City.  In a season sorely lacking in drama, watching Pleather’s gnashing smile chasing Ramona around the room was like a gory ray of sunshine that [...]

Ramona is anxious to get the London low-down, so she invites everyone to get together–except Heather and LuAnn.  Ramona had her sights set on trashing Pleather, but when Carole is asked for the juicy parts, Princess Carole couldn’t get past the one-upping of the lowly Countess.  Sonja tossed another trash bag of the Countess into [...]

It is probably time to start a lingo death watch as Pleather continues on her path of destruction.  Holla!  So, to bring us up to date, so far, she has killed Holla!, “ie”, and Yo!  Three down, and plenty more to go.  Let’s get back to the Golden Girls in London, shall we. Last week’s [...]

With Pleather’s Yummie commitments finally behind her, she is free to enjoy London with the ladies.  First on the agenda is a croquet outing arranged by Sonja.  Sleep deprivation, combined with Countess Pumpkin’s continuous one-upping, and the stage is set for a royal showdown. Dahling, you do know that I invented croquet, don’t you?   [...]