Author: Copyhacker

Big Brother meets Survivor meets The Apprentice. Art imitates reality TV.

Screw you, Peacock. The show you decided wasn’t worth airing.

Joe’s hair is growing back so fast you can hear it.

Where did ye come from, Cotton Eyed Joe?

What more can happen to poor Joe this week?

Let’s hope they get through the summer so we can get The Answers.

Janet comes this close to getting cornrows and a prison tat.

Who knew bees could be this hot on network TV?

We cover every prison cliche in Hollywood’s repertoire. Tunnels. Tear gas. Pillow-biting.

Couldn’t wait for The Gates? Happy Town not cutting it for you?

Where are you? Do you even know anymore?

Well, here we are at the end of the season. Quite possibly the end of the series, depending on which rumors you believe. I don’t know about you, but I have a few questions I want answers to: Who’s gonna die? PLEASEgretchenPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE Will Peter get his whole power back? Will we ever see Charlie again? [...]

Tonight on Heroes: Copyhacker returned from the Trial of the Century! OK, well, it probably wouldn’t even make the late-night Court TV reruns, but it was enough to lock me inside a tiny jury room for a week, AWOL for recap duty, with 12 strangers and burnt coffee that smelled vaguely of mold and styrofoam. [...]

OK, everyone, we’ve got a good episode coming up. I can feel it. Also, I saw someone tweet about it on Facebook before I had a chance to watch it on TiVO. Sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from superpowers when it comes to writing recaps. And the first scene of this episode which I just [...]

Here’s something new. This week’s Mohologue goes to HRG. He’s musing about-what else-Claire, with a little reflection on man’s inhumanity to man thrown in. I’m all for monologue gender equality, BTW. I think Ma Petrelli could knock an opening monologue out of the park. HRG takes a break from the introspection to help Lauren snoop [...]

86 Hours Ago… This guy was much handsomer. The first question I have is, why 86? Are they trying to come up with their own Lostian mysterious numbers? 86 is a good choice, since we’re 86 Nathan now and might be 86 Heroes before much longer. It’s also roughly the number of hours behind I [...]

Hey guys! Everyone recovered from the holidays? I must confess it’s taking me a little longer than usual to get moving again. Between football and my wedding anniversary this week, half my brain is still in vacation mode. So guess what? Until the rest of my brain gets back, you’ll have to make do with [...]

So my Vegas hangover/jet lag is nowhere near gone, but it’s past time to make the recaps. I know you guys are patient and long-suffering-you watch Heroes, right?-so I won’t make you wait any longer. Tonight’s Heroes is called “The Fifth Stage”. Since Sylar mentioned it a couple episodes ago, I’m going to guess we’re [...]

Welcome to the holidays, y’all! I think the last couple of weeks of November are my favorite time of the year for TV. Sweeps are almost over, and the Super Dramatic Action Episodes give way to the lets-just-have-fun-cuz-no-ones-watching episodes. It’s like dessert after the big meal. If the preview is any indication, this week’s episode [...]

Previously on Heroes: Remember me? I used to do long voiceovers about destiny at the beginning of every episode. Now I just do the “Previously on Heroes” bit. Ever since I made the mistake of shaving my stubble off that one time, I’ve been trying to work my way out of Kring’s doghouse. He told [...]

This week on Heroes: all the people who took last week off are back. Last week: Hiro and HRG and Samuel and Sylar. This week: Claire and Peter… and HRG and Samuel and Sylar. Never mind. I thought I had something there but I guess not. Maybe it’ll come back to me. Let us return [...]

Tonight on Heroes, Charlie!! Um…you have something in your eye.

Welcome back, Heroes fans. If you’ve gotten sick of Good Sylar lately, this episode promises plenty of Bad Sylar for your guilty pleasure. Are you a Claire/Gretchen shipper? You’re in the right place. For the rest of us… I’ll try to make this quick and painless. It’s a rainy night in LA (that right there [...]

I’m going to leave the boring preambles to Samuel this week. He’s doing another voiceover and beating us over the head with the episode theme. Sylar can’t remember who he is, so he’s a broken vessel, a ghost, a blank slate. He has no compass to guide him. BUT Hiro does, because the body thrives [...]

So I just got back from my pilgrimage to see the Mouse, and I haven’t even watched last week’s Heroes yet. I have read Flipit’s awesome recap of last week, though. Looks like he fast-forwarded through the boring stuff, but I think I’m caught up on the important parts. Like how Sylar, the Character Briefly [...]

We’re back again for another night of Heroes! When we left, Gretchen had just seen Claire do her signature dive out the window. Seriously, this girl has jumped out of a TON of windows. But let’s pick it right back up where we left off. Claire’s hiding out in her room when Gretchen bangs on [...]

***This is Part 2 of the Heroes season premiere recap. Check out Part 1 here! *** We’re back for the second part of the premiere, this one titled Jump, Push, Fall. When we left for the break, Parkman was dreaming his giant kid was still a baby and kidnapped by Sylar in exchange for his [...]

***This is Part 1 of the 2-hour Heroes premiere. Part 2 will be along ASAP.*** OK, here’s the deal. I’ve been watching Heroes since Season 1, when it was awesome. BUT one writers’ strike later, the wheels pretty much came off. I recapped House last season, but Flipit let me jump over to Heroes (I’m [...]

Section 2: First live interview / jury house First off, thanks to Flipit and Schoonie for the opportunity to recap Big Brother with them this season. I may never get back the hours of lost sleep, but I had much fun doing it. Before Kanye grabs my keyboard to talk about how much better some [...]

Tonight on Big Brother: Ratalie finally pulls her own weight. Kidding! I hate to break it to you guys, but this week looks to be just oozing with filler material. The only real action is the competition and live eviction. So I’m not a bit surprised when the announcer says that past BB greats are [...]

Tonight on Big Brother: Kevin puts his hand in a hole and Jeff stuffs dollar bills in his underwear. It’s not what you think. It’s much, much worse.

Previously on Big Brother, I went to the beach and missed all this: Deus ex ma-Chima *Facepalm* “I’m not as think as you drunk I am!” So, the last two episodes were epic. Is there any of that action left, or are we due for a boring episode? Let’s do this.

Previously: Big Brother layeth the smacketh down. Ranger Ron and Ranger Russ gave us lessons on snakes and mongooses. Or is it mongeese? Plus, pouting peacocks.

Lesbian Tarzan Tonight on Big Brother, this is only the second most embarassing outfit the houseguests are being forced to wear.

Happy Monday, gasmaholics! No, you didn’t sleep through the whole week. I’m back early! Flippy is dying to unleash some snark on the Chenbot this week, so he’s taking Thursday and I’m taking Sunday. Just go with it, k? We’ll be aight. Tonight, Announcer Guy promises that “a love triangle turns ugly!” And they reuse [...]

So, in case you missed it, this guy is HOH: The same thing we do every Thursday night, Pinky: watch a live show and pray for a malfuncChen.   Jordan is up on the block, because The Brain didn’t have The Stones to go up against The Muscle. So it’s Jugs vs. Roots this week. And [...]

Welcome back, sports fans, to the White Trash Olympics! Before I get into the action, I have a little speech to make. Way back before the dawn of time, around Big Brother 3 or thereabouts, I was poking around the Interwebs for a recap of a BB episode I missed, and what did I find [...]

Now that I’ve had a couple hours’ sleep after finishing the last recap, who’s ready for the big finale and the inevitable post-nooky awkwardness? It’s probably best that last week’s episode is still fresh for me, since they’re really two parts of a two-hour finale. I think. Anyway, let’s roll. Here comes the cold open. [...]