Author: DearCrabby

Bonus Vegas pageant!

Well, Flipit and I be damned, guess Edenpalooza wasn’t the season finale after all!  My DVR didn’t show any shows scheduled so I thought it was, but luckily a new one showed up last night and it does not disappoint.  Also, spoiler alerts ahead, so, you know, be alerted to the spoilers. No, no, that’s [...]

Rumble in the Jungle

Even Peter Brady is cringing. Rumble in the Jungle pageant in Louisville, Kentucky starts this Toddlers & Tiaras off.  Kudos to the pageant director for coming up with at least something new…except the pageant director is the talent agent for two of the girls we’re following, one of which is…dun-dun-dunnn…Eden Woods!   That seems fair. This [...]

Glamorous Beauties pageant in Center, Texas

OMG, these kids suck balls!  BALLS! Well, if this Toddlers & Tiaras episode doesn’t show the sorry state of our country, I don’t know what does!  I warn there is one big spoiler alert so if you don’t want to know, avert your eyes, but I need to mention it to prove my point about [...]

Miss Sugar Plum pageant brings us nose-picking and favorites-picking

Wow, there was A LOT of nose-picking in this episode of Toddlers & Tiaras. There must be a dearth of tissue in Georgia.  Just use bark like everyone else there, girls. It’s spray-tan, not PAM!  She’s not going to fry you in a pan! The Sugar Plum Pageant “is a glitz pageant” says the pageant [...]

Rock Star Divas and Dolls

Hello Gasmii!  Ready for another episode of Toddlers & Tiaras?  This one chilled me out from last week, man did Jabba the Butt irritate the crap out of me with her meanness and bad parenting.  This week, we have bad parenting but at least she’s nice and supportive to the kid.  This issue?  DISCIPLINE! Look, [...]

Annette Hill and her amped-on-energy-drink high

If I ran away, would anybody really notice? Jesus, Allah, Buddha, I love this show!  This week’s episode of Toddlers & Tiaras departs from the recent nice-parent/nice-kid bullshit and lands us right where we belong…in the middle of terrible parenting, worse grammar and bratty-beyond-belief kids. The pageant is once again run by my fav DIE-rector, [...]

The Southern Celebrity Mini-Nationals!

The REAL Chicago Supreme Title goes to… Pageant Director Maxine and Emcee Betty are done with their margaritas and are bringing glitz to Chicago in this episode of Toddlers & Tiaras(note:  Chicago doesn’t need your damn glitz, but would enjoy your vote).  We have two girls and one boy competing as well as one complete [...]

Indiana!

They are kids, not candy. We head to Indianapolis for the “Circle City Stars & Cars” pageant that includes something we haven’t seen in awhile – a boy! Two moms are pretty good, low-key, usually don’t compete in high-glitz and don’t take it too seriously (kind of a mistake), and love their kids. It’s the [...]

Interview with a pageant vampire.

Hey Gasmii, we meet some new kids this week and overall they were pretty good kids, we did have an odd bird with one who has a rockin’ religious mother.  And you know how I love it when people thank God and Jesus for making things happen for pageant girls.  Ironically, this happens to be [...]

Showdown!

Hello Gasmii! The premier of Toddlers & Tiaras does not disappoint – except a couple of mothers! This episode focused on our frenemies Makenzie and Eden Wood and how they are EXPLODING onto the Hollywood scene. Well, not really, they just both got trips to Hollywood to be on Entertainment Tonight. No wonder Mary Hart [...]

The end has come.

Down to two!

Three hours of bliss

NeNe loses it some more.

LaToya loses her voice. Even more.

Yeah, there’s no mystery here, you suck.

Life’s a beach. Get it?

Meatloaf explodes and it’s wonderful

Celebrity Apprentice opens with Gary not enjoying last week’s Hail Mary win but bitching at everyone for not thinking he’s a good leader when he really is…in his own mind.  Geez, be a man and get a glass of champagne and shut the hell up.  John suggests they not show “this dynamic” when the women [...]

Gary hears!

Episode two shows no signs of slowing down

A season chock full of craycray begins

Gawky teen or hot 25 year old?

Rodeo Princess pageant in Bridgeport, West Virginia! Yee-ha!

Back in the south where these clusterf#ck pageants belong!

Athens, Ohio…my home state!

Groovy girls take the stage

Mardi Gras pageant held in Darien, Georgia.

A couple of kids we haven’t seen for awhile