Author: DearCrabby

On this falsely advertised as Betty-goes-bad-girl episode of Ugly Betty, we’re begin our day at Casa de Nobody Works during breakfast. Betty comes into the dining room as Hilda woo-oohs that Betty got home late – at 10:30pm. I have to admit, I’m usually in bed before then, so it does sound late. Betty says [...]

Hello Gasmii, welcome to another recap of Ugly Betty, formerly known as Circling the Drain. The writers have once again pulled out a pretty good episode and I am thrilled to be able to rip it apart. Let’s let it rip! The ears are coming from inside the office!

Hello Gasmii, welcome to another recap of Ugly Betty, formerly known as Circling the Drain. The writers have once again pulled out a pretty good episode and I am thrilled to be able to rip it apart. Let’s let it rip! The ears are coming from inside the office!

Hello Gasmii, welcome to another recap of Ugly Betty, formerly known as Circling the Drain. The writers have once again pulled out a pretty good episode and I am thrilled to be able to rip it apart. Let’s let it rip! The ears are coming from inside the office!

Just when you thought it wasn’t safe to watch Ugly Betty, they kick out an excellent episode! In fact, there was one scene where I actually laughed out loud. I know! The show is fighting it’s way back to Thursday with an episode called “The Wiener, The Bun and the Boob.” It’s like Girls Gone [...]

Oh my God are you kidding me? We open Ugly Betty with Betty scrubbing some guy’s head and that is NOT a euphemism. She’s working in Hilda’s shop where apparently Hilda has schedule 50 appointments for 7am. I only guess at the time because both Betty and Justin are still at home and since they [...]

Hello Gasmii, we’re back to normal with this episode of Toddlers & Tiaras with bratty kids, crazy mothers, and winners all around. This week we’re at the Gold Coast Pageant being held in Arizona, yee-ha! You may remember Pageant Director Kim Colby from such pageants as “California Gold Coast,” and uh…well, probably the other Gold [...]

When we left Ugly Betty mid-episode, Daniel had just come to her rescue by giving her back the insect story and making everyone else feel like shit! Yay Betty! Daniel smiles and pats Betty on the shoulders before leaving. She turns to her now vicious co-workers and says, “Guys,” and they all turn and stare [...]

Hello Gasmii and welcome back to this season’s premiere of Ugly Betty! When we last left Betty, she had been promoted to features editor over Marc with a flipped coin, Wilhelmina is on the outs with Claire and Cal, Wilhelmina hired a bounty hunter to bring back Connor “dead or alive,” Betty kissed Henry, Matt [...]

This episode of Toddlers & Tiaras takes place in Sin City, Las Vegas, where we are joining the Universal Miss and Master International pageant. Unlike other pageants, this is a four-day marathon of glitz, glamour, and more than occasional whining. You need the whole package plus reinforcements as this is a marathon, not a sprint. [...]

Aloha Gasmii! This luau of Toddlers & Tiaras comes straight from Honolulu, Hawaii, host of the “America’s Fabulous Faces” beauty pageant. Pageant Director Marcy Stoehr, code name for “Sally Struthers,” is the co-director of the pageant. Clearly the other co-director knew better than to be on camera. The pageant has been around 13 years, but [...]

Hello Gasmii, welcome back to another episode of Toddlers & Tiaras! This episode takes us to the Miss Tiny USA (please let it be for fat kids!) in the fine city of Laurel, Mississippi. Damn, I’m going to be singing that M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I song through this whole recap! Pageant Director Darla Bailey, the second wife of [...]

Hard to believe, but this episode of Toddlers & Tiaras takes the cake. A cake topped with rhinestones and filled with raspberry crazy, and so satisfying I almost needed an after-episode cigarette, but I don’t smoke so I just drank instead. Ahoy, Gasmii!

This week’s Toddlers & Tiaras brings us back to the heart of our country, West Virginia for the YEEE-HAAA! Outlaws Pageant, sponsored by Taze-Her, the only taser made specifically for pageant competitors, a Trump Product. And guess who’s coming to dinner? Debbie Moss, grandmother of Kailee with two E’s from a couple of episodes ago, [...]

Back for more, are ya? After last week’s total and complete El Niño shitstorm of comments, we need to make a fresh start this week. Let’s agree to disagree: Some people believe that pageants are cost-effective hobbies that are enjoyable for the entire family, while others believe the machinery of pageantry is oiled with the [...]

This week’s Toddlers & Tiaras is the “Beautiful Dolls” pageant in Lafayette, North Carolina and Gasmii, the crazy is BACK! We open this episode with Pageant Director Britney Barlow, a dead-ringer for brunette and bobbed Jodie Foster, telling us she started the pageant so that every child could leave the pageant “feeling like a winner.” [...]

This week on Toddlers & Tiaras we shift gears (and coasts) to the California Gold Coast Pageant. Pageant Director Kim Colby is a director who FINALLY looks glam like a pageant director should. The pageant was started 35 years ago and just included babies and children, and as we’ll find out this year includes fetuses [...]

This week’s Toddlers & Tiaras is being hosted at the Bradley International Airport Sheridan hotel in Hartford, Connecticut, so you know it’s a quality event because they are offering fast getaway options. Cheryl Powers, this week’s pageant director and wallflower du episode, says that the “America’s Regal Gems” pageant is “my glitz pageant.” Stingy much? [...]

In the words of my hero Stewie Griffith, dammit to the bowels of bottomless hell! I don’t like recapping pageants that happen in West Virginia. Those people are usually really nice and not crazy at all, which makes it harder to make fun of them. Not impossible, just harder. Seriously, YOU’RE in charge of a [...]

Gasmii, this show NEVER gets old. After last week’s complete and total smackdown of a mom, this week we’re back to an A-1 Steak Sauce brat and a set of prizes I can assure you the ASCPA would not approve of. We open this week’s episode in Lafayette, Louisiana at the Queen and Kings of [...]

Gasmii! Toddlers & Tiaras is back with a vengeance as is Crabby’s irritation with the world at large, mostly the drivers in front of her on the way home. It’s called the passing lane, not pissing time away lane. I do apologize for the pictures – that damn show still isn’t on iTunes or Amazon [...]

Hello Gasmii! The season finale of Ugly Betty does not disappoint, what with it’s intrigue, interviews, job-stealing, love-child aborting/adopting, Henry-returning, sexoholic living in sinning, Betty-cheating, Justin-dreaming, career-ruining, hopes-crushing, Molly-watching, ghost-whispering, cover-modeling, bride-dying, mother-drinking, investor-meddling, co-editor snaking, features-editor-dying, pigeon-picturing, magazine award-winning, Matt-revenging, and private-investigating…phew! Let’s begin! Sweet Moses, I need to get a life! We open [...]

J’adorable Suzuki St. Pierre kicks off this episode of Ugly Betty with an update of the Meade Publications saga, calling Cal Hartley an “eccentric billionaire and my future sugar daddy.” He continues saying, “Yes, the seemingly preposterous rumors are true…people are eating at Mode!” and we see Betty walk by the camera chowing on a [...]

We open this episode of Ugly Betty the way I normally start my day: darts into the picture of an evil female boss! Christina is taking out her aggression towards Wilhelmina and says she did consider throwing a dart at the real thing, “but she’s so damn fast in those heels!” So am I, but [...]

Previously on Ugly Betty, which was like decades ago, the Meades lost their money through embezzlement and not through gambling and hookers as expected, Papi almost died but now that storyline is dead, and Betty decided the threat of AIDS, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, the herp, and hairy genital warts was no match for her horniness [...]

Hello Gasmii! If you’ve been watching, and judging by the comments you have, you know most of our Toddlers & Tiaras have been south and west…Pennsylvania is as close as we’ve gotten to New England. But not this week, where the insanity of parading your child around like one of those 25-cent ridey-things (horse, boat, [...]

“Pageants can be very addictive. Once you start winning, there’s no turning back,” says one mother on this episode of Toddlers & Tiaras. Just like meth! We begin this episode deep in the heart of one of my favorite states, TEXAS! Hey, any place that has such a high regard for guns and the death [...]

Welcome to the Stars of Pennsylvania Pageant, located in Pittsburgh, for this week’s Toddlers & Tiaras. Not only are there enough trophies, ribbons and tiaras to go around for everyone attending, there may be extras from those contestants who couldn’t make it due it to Old Man Winter. He’s such a bastard! I don’t even [...]

As we open this episode of Ugly Betty, Matt is walking Betty home from the subway, which HELLO Richie Rich, don’t you have a town car that could drive you two to Queens? Matt tells Betty he has something pretty serious to say to her and he’s not sure how to put it. Is he [...]

Gasmii, I never get tired of Toddlers & Tiaras even though it’s sort of the same one each week. It’s like two parts cute kids with dimples, one part spoiled brat, and more than a pinch of crazy parent. Huge and sparkly, just like I like ‘em!

Wow! Hilda’s really sporting a beer gut, isn’t she? As we begin this week’s Ugly Betty starring perennial favorite Christine Baranski, the Suarez family is at home with Sports Guy Matt, now know as Rich Sports Guy Matt, feasting on breakfast. Do I show you sit ups or condoms? I’m not sure.

I think many of us have those days where we try on everything on our closets and nothing looks good (and by “many of us” I mean women). That is why I use Garanimals. But can you imagine how difficult that must be for Ugly Betty? I mean, that poor girl has nothing but hideously [...]

Well, not really. We open this episode of Toddlers & Tiaras with pageant director Aimee Adkins telling us that the girls in this “Southern Celebrity Pageant” being held in Kentucky compete full-glitz and all-natural. That sounds fair. “We’re trying to make dreams come true one crown at a time,” she says. How about one health [...]

Ugly Betty opens with Betty trying to get a picture of herself for her Facebook page. She can’t seem to get a good one, go figure. She’s trying to get it uploaded before her next YETI class (I’m over typing the periods between the letters), and I’m just wondering how this program is going for [...]

Hello Gasmii, sorry for the late recap, I have been busy procuring some employment and I had no idea how much a new job would cut into my recapping! Thanks for your patience, I recap much better when I can pay bills and you know, afford to eat. This week, a new Meade joins the [...]

Gasmii, what can I say? This week’s Toddlers & Tiara’s pageant is the Chitlin’ Strut and I actually had to pay $2 to download this heinousness from iTunes to get some pictures for you, that is just how much I love you. What they don’t picture are the actual chitlins, which according to Wikipedia are [...]

Gross! Ugly Betty begins with Elena pouring pomegranate seeds into a blender, mixing, and pouring into glasses. Wouldn’t it be easier just to buy a bottle of POM? Probably cheaper in the long run, and definitely faster than pulling those damn seeds out of the fruit in the first place. Ugly Betty, why must you [...]

Sweet, merciful, crap! Just when you think it can’t get any worse, they whip out false teeth for kids to get them through those awful Tooth Fairy years! But I’m getting ahead of myself, so let’s back up. Yep, that looks about right. I almost deleted this episode from my DVR because it was about [...]