Author: Honey Gangsta

“Ra’mon gave me lizard skin to make me a lizard for Ra’mon.” Moments before… it’s the same as always. The Models of the Runway whose designers are in the bottom two are quivering with fright.

No one can tear their eyes away. This week on Models of the Runway nothing much happens. Shocking, I know.

Moments before… Kojii and Valerie sit backstage biting their nails to the nub because their misguided senses of fashion have landed their designers in the bottom two. This week the designers had to make outfits for their Models of the Runway to wear to an “industry function” and their instructions were to listen to what [...]

“I don’t know how to carry on!” This week on Models of the Runway, the girls are so bored that they start inventing drama in their heads – just to stay busy. And thinking creatively isn’t exactly their strong point.

“People just have no idea what this takes.” Moments before… Malvin’s black onesie covered with a white sling for an already-born-baby is OUT. Turns out pregnant women, or at least pregnant Rebecca Romijn, aren’t interested in wearing around a baby sling before they actually have a baby. Nor, apparently, are they interested in dressing their [...]

Keine so schön als Heidi, natürlich! (None as beautiful as Heidi, of course!) Welcome, beloved readers, to the latest installment of my life as a recapper. It is my extreme pleasure to be bringing you my thoughts and impressions on the spanking new companion piece to Project Runway, Models of the Runway! I am extremely [...]

Close your mouth, princess. Okay so here we go on the agonizing home stretch of this season’s The Bachelorette. Last week we had the very uninspiring Men Tell Nothing special, where the rejects sat around on stage fighting with each other over who best represents Man Code. Uh, losers, you’re all on this show trying [...]

“Who’s going to be the best in the sack?” Guess what. Spain just wasn’t enough. A European vacation wasn’t about to cut it and so TONIGHT The Bachelorette is going on her “dates of a lifetime” in Maui. It’s pretty much going to be a rerun of last week, just with different scenery and no [...]

“From what I understand Spain is just Mexico-East.” This week Jillian stops squealing long enough to take us on an extended look at each of the remaining guys’ journey to the Final Four. First, though, she tells us all a-boat how she thought at this point there would be one guy she really liked and [...]

“Even when I’m thinking hard, I’m fun.” I’m trying to think, but it’s hard because there is this constant high pitched squealing in my ear. I see a small brunette girl leaping around the TV screen like an epileptic bunny and I realize… it’s time for another episode of The Bachelorette!

“It’s the MOST DRAMATIC TRANSPORTATION IN BACHELORETTE HISTORY.” Well for Pete’s sake, here we go again with The Bachelorette. Is this Groundhog Day? Have I woken up in Punxutawney, Pennsylvania to Sonny and Cher’s “I Got You Babe?”

“I had no idea it was going to be this hard!” We open this week’s The Bachelorette with Jillian reminding us how hard that last Rose Ceremony was for her. She is still beside herself with shock to imagine that one or more of the guys may be on TV for selfish purposes, rather than [...]

Toronto Vancouver All right folks, this week on The Bachelorette, things are starting to get real. It was all fun and games before, but this week, things are taking a turn for the serious. Do you know what keeps happening? Jillian keeps sending guys home! Here they all are having a grand old time and [...]

“Get along, little doggie.” Welcome to another startling episode of The Bachelorette! This week everything is different and we have surprises at every turn! Just kidding. But we do have a helicopter ride and a swimming pool. Come on!

Slaying the dragons. So here we go again getting into another season of The Bachelorette! ABC has, of course, chosen to extend the show into an excruciating two hours yet once again, but have no fear! If you can not stomach it, just tune in to read about how I couldn’t stomach it either. Let’s [...]

“And on top of everything, my bra shows in this dress!” Welcome to The Bachelorette! So I’m not sure if any of you know this, but last season on Jason Mesnick’s self-indulgent ego trip nicknamed “The Bachelor,” there was a spunky little Canadian maple leaf named Jillian. Jillian had a theory that she could tell [...]

“Happy freakin’ Mother’s Day!” Hello beloved readers! Welcome to the VERY truncated recap of the VERY elongated season finale of Celebrity Apprentice! As much as I love to rip on these egomaniacs, as much as I love tearing apart Donald Trump’s fluctuating notions of “morality,” and as much as I love coming up with much [...]

“I want to see Sandra Bullock in a mermaid costume PRONTO!” Welcome back to Celebrity Apprentice! This week begins with our hard-working celebrities hanging out in the VIP lounge wondering whether Joan Rivers will be back tomorrow or if she has quit for good. Jesse thinks she’s had it and won’t be back, but Annie [...]

What is that stench? Who’s ready for another two hours of Celebrity Apprentice? This week is all about body odor, which naturally these beautiful people know nothing about. What’s a poor celebrity to do?

“Who wants to watch what I can do really well?” Tonight on Celebrity Apprentice Ivanka Trump is dissed, Clint Black puts himself into another commercial, and Annie Duke tells us the REAL secret to her success. Here we go again!

Spoiler! It’s that most glorious time of the week again. Time for Celebrity Apprentice! This week we get an overdose of Brande Roderick and Brian McKnight catches up on some much-needed sleep. To Manhattan!

Forward to 65 people or you don’t know what funny is. This week on Celebrity Apprentice we learn that there is not an original idea to be found anywhere in Trump Tower. We also learn that “viral” is apparently synonymous with “midget.” Oh also, The Donald pretends to take a moral stand. Join me, won’t [...]

“That’s S-H-E-E-T, Princess.” Welcome back to another round of Celebrity Apprentice! Fresh off of last week’s ego trip, the teams buckle down to participate for a minute in the service industry. Let’s see how they do!

“You want a piece of me?” So here we are back in Manhattan to see just which “celebrity” can scream the loudest and make the worst business decisions. Welcome to Celebrity Apprentice!

“Welcome to Trump Tower!” Hello beloved readers! I am honored and humbled to be recapping this season of Celebrity Apprentice! I know I’m coming a tad late to the game, so we are going to bounce right over episodes one and two and dive into episode three. The guys have already lost Andrew Dice Clay [...]

America’s Sweetheart Wow, where to start with the latest installation of The Bachelor? Tonight Jason Mesnick blew up in America’s face and left grody little pieces of himself all over our TV screens. Let’s get started.

“I am all kinds of confused.” Hello beloved fans of The Bachelor! As you may or may not know, this last week some rumors started circulating on the interweb involving a Bachelor scandal of epic proportions. I have no idea if the rumors are true and I have no idea if I care if the [...]

Don’t forget the tongue, Jason. Are you all ready for the Hometown Dates on The Bachelor? As a special Valentine’s Day present to you all, this recap is extremely tardy. You’re welcome.

Who will be Jason’s beautiful bride? Tonight on The Bachelor there are only two words you need to remember: Seattle and Ty. Got that? Good. Let’s go!

“Can I start over?” Welcome to The Bachelor! Tonight Jason continues to kiss everybody, but this time he does it in front of everybody. Someone goes camping and almost everybody cries – but not because of the camping, surprisingly. Grab a box of tissue and join me, won’t you?

My old Kentucky hairdo Tonight auditions are in Louisville, Kentucky – home of the Kentucky Derby, which is, as Ryan Seacrest tells us, the most exciting two minutes in sports. Wow, that first sentence is a whole load of new information to my brain. Only two minutes? Really? Golf could take a tip from the [...]

“Whose heart shall I break tonight?” Tonight on The Bachelor, we reenact National Lampoon’s Vacation, then Jason feels up eight of the girls and finds out that one of them loves bears. Can’t wait? Me neither, come on!

“Let me get a look at those birthing hips…” Ah, here we go with week two of The Bachelor. We have whittled it down from the Trashy Twenty Five to the Fortunate Fifteen and this week it’s time to start nit picking those ones to death and sending them off one by one, forever ending [...]

Aw shucks. I can still fall in love! Welcome back to The Bachelor! I’ve been on hiatus and missed you guys! I’m so ready for another round I can hardly stand it. Let’s go!

“How many copies do you think my album will sell?” Tonight on Date My Ex… we have arrived! We have reached the end of this ludicrous journey and have only one more hour until we know all! It’s been a long week of nail biting, pacing, foot tapping, and tears, but at last it’s Monday [...]

“At last. The grand culmination of our charade.” I feel it only fair to warn you that tonight’s episode of Date My Ex takes about 30 seconds worth of information and stretches it into an entire hour of sub-par programming. I kid you not. It is my pleasure to bring to you a retelling of [...]

“Welcome to my sexy vat of crap!” Welcome, one and all, to another episode of Date My Ex. To those of you out there with the amazing stamina it must take to keep tuning in to read about Jo De La Rosa as if she were the least bit important, I thank you heartily. As [...]

“Slade has two swimming pools?” So this week a family member of mine set the DVR to record the Olympics EVERY TIME it was on. This of course, means that the Olympics were recording for at least 12 hours every day and the DVR started eliminating everything else that was recorded, most alarmingly, Date My [...]

“My old folks home, my rules!” We are back this evening with Round Four of the dreaded Date My Ex. Blonde Bangs takes us through another painful recap going all the way back to when the girls cooked up this whole silly scheme in the first place. We continue through to Jo inviting Zack to [...]