Author: Hypnotoad

This week on Desperate Housewives: It’s the disaster episode you’ve been waiting for all year long! Lynette and Gabby continue the snipery regarding the whole subpoena thingie. Katherine goes cuckoo when her daughter returns and Susan fills her in on the truth. Bree finalizes things with Orson, who finds out about her and Karl, and [...]

This week on the season finale of The Shitty: It took 9 whole episodes, but The City finally gets interesting. As interesting as this show can get, at least. And what makes this episode awesome? Awkward confrontations! Between Roxy and Kelly, and Olivia, Joe, and Erin! Yes, these people finally get to hash things out. [...]

This week on Desperate Housewives: Susan finally finds out about Bree, so you can check that off your list. Lynette sues Carlos over her job and it all ends up bitch-slapping her back in the face. Danny tries to kill himself Bell Jar style. Katherine jumps over the edge of sanity so far that I [...]

This week on The Shitty: Who’s ready for a heapin’ helpin’ of the same old crap?! You are! Erin and Olivia fight. About work. Specifically, pulling clothes for something. Just like the last episode. And the one before that. And the one before that. And the one before that. And the one before that. Sensing [...]

This week on The Shitty: Whit goes on a bad blind date with a d-bag; Roxy fights with another d-bag; Kelly has to call Whit out on her crap again; and Olivia and Erin don’t get along. Did you guys know that? That they don’t get along? News to me. Also, for reasons I can [...]

This week on Desperate Housewives: Susan does a little comm-serve time for, you know, shooting her neighbor (not that Katherine didn’t deserve it, because we all know she TOTALLY did); Angie finds out Bree’s secret; Gabby is still. Trying. To get. Juanita. Back in school. Please, Cherry, let’s just end that soon, mmkay? And Lynette [...]

This week on The Shitty: Everyone heads to Miami for some fashion week thingamajig. Olivia doesn’t really do her job, but Erin sort of gets blamed for it. Roxy and some random guy leave Whit at some club, and they fight about it at work the next day, which makes Kelly not-so happy. Which makes [...]

This week on Desperate Housewives: Lynette finds out about Julie and Nick; Gabby keeps trying to teach Juanita; Susan goes to the cops about Katherine and has a blast from the past (and no, it’s not Jackson, thank god – I hope those days are over); and Bree and Angie bond over pasta and secrets. [...]

This week on The Shitty: Whit, Rox, and Sam head out to The Hamptons to party it up white-people-only-style; Olivia once again half-asses her job — wait, that’s not even accurate, she quarter-asses it — and Erin once again has to pick up the slack. But this time, Zee is involved. And Erin pretty much [...]

This week on Desperate Housewives: Cherry and Co. continue to want everyone to hate Katherine, and if this episode is any evidence, mission accomplished. Because she tries AGAIN to seduce Mike pretty much in front of Susan, then acts like a crazy cake-making ho toward Angie. But MIKE TAKES HIS SHIRT OFF! I know! Also, [...]

This week on The Shitty: Waspy brings his d-bag of a dad on a date with Whitney. Their second date. Roxy and Olivia work together on a project. Well, Roxy works, at least. And Jay returns. Wheeeeeee.

This week on Desperate Housewives: Gabby wants Juanita to have the best party ever! Lynette gets served by an 80 year-old. Bree gets served by a Jamaican motel maid. Angie and Nick try to hide things. Again. And Susan begins to see how effing crazy Katherine is. And I choose the most expected, lamest pun [...]

This week on The Shitty: In what is the most boring episode of this show I’ve ever seen, which for this show, is saying A LOT — Whit meets the WASPiest guy of the entire WASP history; and Olivia and Erin go to a party and Erin yells at Olivia for possibly no reason. That’s [...]

This Week on Desperate Housewives: Lynette’s boobs are huge! Ana admits she has feelings for a now creepy John, which makes Gabby loco. Bree actually does some catering work for a change. Katherine continues her long slide into the bell jar, and Julie wakes up from her coma, which makes Mary Alice blab on about [...]

This week on The Shitty: Houses of fashion fly by as Olivia is on the case to get some accessories for an Elle shoot; Whitney shows her fashion sketches to Kelly and then goes behind her back on Roxy’s suggestion, causing an epic, bi-polar tirade that only the likes of Kelly Cutrone can pull off. [...]

This week on Desperate Housewives: Bree gets all jealous with Karl; John the Gardener returns; Lynette and Tom try to hide her pregnancy from Lynette’s bosses; and Susan goes absolutely ape-poopy on Angie and Green Day. And Katherine has one scene and no lines. This lame extra had a bigger role than Katherine’s this week.

This week on The Shitty: Olivia has to buy black market knock-off handbags like some disgusting regular person; Roxy pisses off The Beast in Black – Kelly Cutrone; and Whitney has apparently been downgraded to supporting actress. Hey, who Dana Delaney’ed Whit?!?!

This week on Desperate Housewives: Andrea Bowen earns some easy coma money; Bree thinks about telling Susan about her affair with Karl; Gabby and Ana butt heads (whaaa?); and Katherine becomes completely insane. The fight over a plumber continues. Cuz that happens like all the…never.

Tonight on The Shitty: Whitney has a new (and yet old) friend who may or may not be just in it for the attention; Olivia gets a job at Elle and throws a patented Fly Off the Handle Olivia Hissy Fit on her first day; Whit decides to start her own fashion line; and Jay, [...]

Previously on Desperate Housewives: Gabby’s niece Slutty Ana moved in with her and her husband and chubby ninas; Bree decided to divorce Orson and then decided to have a Hot Karl; Lynette got pregnant, again, so stick around for another kid whose name starts with a “P”; Susan whined a lot and almost got killed [...]

Here it is, kids. The last episode of this season (by which I mean, series). Are you sad? I know I am. Sad that this travesty has made it thus far AND that it’s done so well in the ratings. “Ass . . . so far . . . away . . . from hand [...]

This week on DITD: 6 more singles try to answer the age-old question: How much more of this crap can a recapper take? It’s the same old same-old, but this week the contestants look through each others’ cars to get a glimpse of his/her personality. Also, no one brings fruit to the DR! I know! [...]

This week on DITD: Same old stuff. Although the contestants get to see each other’s houses on video, leading one girl to reveal her deepest, darkest, stupidest secret. Other than that, nothing’s changed. Well, maybe my tolerance level for this show, which is on a downward spiral. Before we get underway, I just want to [...]

Tonight on DIDT: There’s drama in the house as all three girls fall for the same guy! And yet, with all that drama, ABC still can’t stop this suck-train from sucking along on the suckiest tracks in Sucktown. “I’m sorry. You’re a little shorter and thicker than the girls I normally go for.”

Tonight on DIDT: It’s the same stuff, with different people, who have different levels of annoying. Will some people learn a lesson about personality vs. looks? Yeah, because ABC told them to. I get a serious gay-boy crush on a girl contestant. Like, seriously. And people act like they’re 13 going on idiot in the [...]

Tonight, on the series premiere of Dating In the Dark: Six people date each other. In the dark. Does attractiveness matter in a relationship? Probably. Does it matter in casting a reality show? Apparently not. So, it seems we won’t be able to move on with this recap until we discuss something: How freaking high [...]

It’s the final episode of the 5th and crappiest season! Yay! Tonight’s first episode is entitled “Everybody Says Don’t.” Which was also the title of the 18th episode of Season 2. Which goes to show you a.) how lazy the writers have been this season, and/or b.) how much research they actually do in regards [...]

This week on Desperate Housewives: Tom wants plastic surgery; Bree still wants a divorce, or does she? Yeah. She does; Susan and Jackson are getting married; Mike and Katherine are getting married; and Gabby tries real hard to learn a lesson and retain knowledge. Again. Can we just make the show about Juanita?

Tonight on Desperate Housewives: Bree goes to Karl for divorce help; Susan gets a surprise when someone who sucks from her past comes back; Dave’s revenge plans keep happening at the pace of a drunk snail; Katherine and Mike talk real love; Tom and Lynette are the exact same people they’ve been for the past [...]

Tonight on Desperate Housewives: As the season winds down, the show becomes less and less interesting. Orson lies; Carlos sees Lynette naked; Gabby and Tom argue; and Susan reveals a dark secret to Dave. I’m bored. Me too.

This week on Desperate Housewives: Edie’s dead. I know we were all hoping for a coma to drag her out through the end of the season, but no. Cherry don’t care about the fans. The girls take a road trip with Edie’s ashes, giving them time to reminisce about Edie and say lame things in [...]

This week on Desperate Housewives: Dave’s plan to get back at Mike finally comes to fruition; Gabby whines about sex and money for the 18th time in 2 episodes; Bree thinks about selling her company to stop Orson from being the biggest baby ever; Lynette doesn’t do much; and Susan runs into Karl and his [...]

Tonight, on the finale of The Shitty: Adam confronts Erin at work (regarding Allie); both Olivia and Whit are up for a great job opportunity in London; Olivia sucks throughout (what else could we expect); Whit seeks advice from a certain California lady; and the unthinkable happens: Whit totally grows a pair. Whit? Is this [...]

Tonight on Desperate Housewives: Carlos gets a huge promotion that comes with a huge blast from the past; Lynette looks for a new job; Susan looks confused when she’s hit on by a lesbian; and Dave finally prepares for that camping trip that he’s been talking about for like 5 episodes. Oh yeah, and Juanita [...]

Tonight on The Shitty: Jay tells Whit about his upcoming tour, which has bad repercussions; Whit completely outshines Olivia at a presentation. That’s it. Just two little plots this week. I’m gonna miss that balcony.

Tonight on Desperate Housewives: Orson develops what is supposed to be a bad habit, but it’s mostly just lame and ridiculous; Gabby wonders whether lying about Brad’s affair is worth having shiny things; Susan and Katherine fight over a crappy painting as she and Mike move in together; and Tom and Lynette vie for the [...]

Tonight on The Shitty: Whit-Whit has a horrible week: first she gets screwed over by Olivia at work, then she doesn’t get screwed at all from Jay when she gets home, because Jay may or may not be screwing someone else, whose name rhymes with Banielle. That’s pretty much the ep, although Allie moves in [...]

Tonight on The Shitty: Whit-Whit has a horrible week: first she gets screwed over by Olivia at work, then she doesn’t get screwed at all from Jay when she gets home, because Jay may or may not be screwing someone else, whose name rhymes with Banielle. That’s pretty much the ep, although Allie moves in [...]

This time on The Shitty: The gang heads to Miami, where Jay runs into an ex, causing tension (mild tension) with Whitney; Allie acts unstable like always and she and Adam come to an impasse; and Olivia isn’t in this episode at all! Mwahahahahaha! Kiss!