Author: J-Mo

What’s up little darlin’s? Let’s talk for a moment about mistakes. We’ve all made ‘em (my hair and fashion choices that routinely got my ass kicked in the ’80s is a prime example) and hopefully we’ve all learned from them. It’s a semi-rare person that willfully does something incredibly stupid that doesn’t feel remorse or [...]

Hello all you closet voguers out there (and you know you do when you’re driving and Madge comes on the radio with one of her bestest songs evah!) are you ready for me? I hope so, ‘cuz I’m on a huge high from the drag pageant that I was at this past weekend (more on [...]

Greetings and salutations fashionistas! Well, it’s been a crazy week for our poor Tyranna-Sore-Ass, what with the international news coverage of the riot/stampede that broke out amongst a mob of munchkins at auditions for Cycle 13 (a.k.a. The “Okay, I Guess Short Chicks Might Be Pretty, Too” Cycle) in New York City! I don’t want [...]

Hey there, hi there, ho there, fashion-fans! I’m so happy to be once again sitting here in the dark at my PC and watching impossibly thin and beautiful women bitch and cry at each other (most likely out of ravenous hunger) and knowing that in a few minutes I’ll be polishing off the better part [...]

Welcome back all you fiercelings! I finished that last recap at 5am and had to get some sleep. I dreamt about an army of big-eyed, tacky-nailed, constantly-crying, super-bitchy skeletons who were chasing me all over The Forum Shops while shouting random insults at my hammer-toed feet and trying to stab me with pickle pens so [...]

Hey-Ho to all of you Tyra-ites! This is J-Mo, and I’m here to serve as your faithful acolyte as we once again become devotees at the Altar Of Stick-Thin Bitches Who Never Eat. Yes, it’s time for Cycle Twelve of America’s Next Top Model…, where 2 Tic-Tacs and a Marlboro Light is considered “lunch”, where [...]

Hello again music fans! It’s me, J-Mo, already back from the land of MTV and I’ve been lucky enough to land this one-off recap for a show that people actually want to watch. We’ve reached that critical point in tonight’s competition where yet another cut is going to be made, people are going to scream, [...]

Are you there, God? It’s me, J-Mo. Normally I don’t bother You too much, because most of the time I’m just down here on this little planet of ours, living my life, trying to be kind to others (when not recapping), working my job, loving my BF and having a fabulous night of dancing for [...]

About 10 years ago (when I still lived in L.A.) I was home in Phoenix and out clubbing with some friends when I met a great big corn-fed bubba from Kentucky who was also visiting the desert. I was instantly smitten with this Magic Mountain of a Man (big southern boys are a weakness of [...]

Hello again from J-Moville! Well, we’re coming down to the end of this sensitive and heartfelt portrayal of young people looking for love, and it appears that MTV has been edging during the fuckfest all this time, because tonight they spewed two and a half hours of Ikkiness all over my television screen! I never [...]

Greetings ‘Gasmii! I just got back from Los Angeles where I spent the weekend celebrating the BF’s birthday with lots of good food (we had an insanely expensive but orgasmic meal at Lawry’s The Prime Rib) and entertainment (we screened the classic disaster-flick “The Towering Inferno” to see O.J. Simpson’s amazing afro) and I wondered [...]

Hello again to my favorite peoples, and Happy Obama Day! I’m so sorry about the delay on this recap, the American Idol show was a bit of a bitch to finish (I love the new software, but I had a few issues) and after all the wackiness over there on FOX I had to pull [...]

Welcome everyone! It’s me, J-Mo, taking a short break from the slutty skanky buysexual Ikki Twins over on MTV to bring you my take on one of the most astonishing television shows of the millenium… the FOX juggernaut that is… American Idol… …where the slutty skanks are apparently taking over as well… Yes, it is [...]

Ohhh, my dear sweet ‘Gasmii, what a week this has been… My day job is treating me like a stiffened sex-kleenex (as in, they really don’t want to even acknowledge that I’m on the floor… but they’re not above trying to use me to clean up some tacky mess that someone else left behind), my [...]

Greetings from the First Day of 2009 beloved Gasmii! I hope y’all partied and bullshitted all night long, hopefully to the point where you woke up this morning minus your underwear and with unexplained bite marks. You better get some disinfectant on those right away. As for me and the BF, well, we stayed in [...]

Hey everybody! I hope you all had a great Christmas and that Santa Claus brought you that extra special gift you were looking for. I must have pissed him off big time this year, because he delivered 14 people directly to my house for Christmas Dinner, and my nieces and nephew decided to play Let’s [...]

Woo-hoo! It’s almost Christmas Time, and Santa sure came early for a certain fat gayboy in the Desert this year! I’m guessing that he did that creepy voyeurism thing he does (like how “he knows when you are slee-ping, he knows when you’re a-wake, he knows when you wear fuck-me-pumps and a thong for goodness’ [...]

Hello Gasmii! It’s me, J-Mo, back from the land of limbo (and pageants featuring big drag queens) and I’m all fired up and ready to wreak havoc on an actual MTV show! Although I am mostly a Bravo! junkie (all my previous recaps have been of hairstyling and interior design shows) I have occasionally tuned [...]

Hello everybody! I am soooo super-apologizing for the lateness of this recap, I was in Las Vegas this weekend with my sister and my “little” brother as we celebrated his 30th birthday (and by “celebrated” I mean “got intoxicated” and “ate insanely expensive meals” and “played our favorite people-watching game ‘Real Prostitute Or Just Super-Slutty [...]

My BFF and I attended our high school’s 20-year reunion this past weekend (Go Cardinals!… or… whatever the hell our mascot was) and although I worked out obsessively and ate nothing but Tic-Tacs and Diet Dr. Pepper for the entire week before the event, I somehow did not magically lose the extra 60 pounds I’m [...]

I went to Los Angeles this past weekend, which is why you got such a quick recap out of me on last week’s show (for once) and I met up with Flipit, his friend Tricia, ChickBomb, and MonaMonzano for drinks on Friday night at the semi-famed Abbey, smack-dab in the middle of Boys Town (West [...]

Boy, it has been a long and strange eight weeks, hasn’t it? Never in life did I think I would have the opportunity to see so many walking doormat salon owners, poorly skilled colorists, badly-hygiened cutters and downright stupid support staff. We’ve seen just about every kind of managenent style, too… starting with the Micro- [...]

Back when I was a young boy, and still had hope for the future, I dreamed of a world in which everyone flitted about in personal hovercrafts and jet-packs (mysteriously avoiding zillions of mid-air collisions), computers would talk to us in British accents (they’d all sound like Joan Collins in her giant shoulder-padded Dynasty days), [...]

Offices, as a rule, suck as far as interior design goes. Unless you’re Anna Wintour (editor of Vogue) or Diane Von Furburger (famously accented fashion designer) or Martha Stewart (God), you pretty much are stuck with a room that has all the personality and sex-appeal of a wad of gum stuck under the conference room [...]

There’s at least one in every workplace. We’ve all been stuck at a desk or in a cube near her at some point. She’s the gal who wears the ill-fitting too-tight tops and low-rise capris (with thong undies) and doesn’t seem to understand that at a certain point spaghetti straps stop looking sexy and start [...]

I’ll be the first to admit that I am not the most athletic of men. When I’m motivated, I can get the hell up on a stage and shake my 250 pound ass so hard to the beats of Janet, Beyoncé and Rihanna that other people get injured… and then other times I find myself [...]

Sometimes I sit in my cubicle at work and stare off into space having one of my many Lottery Fantasies… one of which involves having my own adult film production company (mercifully for you, O Beloved Gasmii, I will not go into detail about it other than to say it would feature hefty men like [...]

In the world of Design, there is a fine line between looking chic… and looking like you take it up the ass. Well, actually, no, there really isn’t any difference between the two, and that’s why a lot of straight-male bachelor pads are probably “decorated” with generous quantities of dirt, body hair, stiff kleenex and [...]

When I was still a practicing Catholic (I say “practicing” because I never got really good at it… you know, the whole “I-go-to-church-on-Sundays-so-that-gives-me-carté-blanche-to-be-a-raging-dickwad-towards-the-rest-of-humanity-the-other-six-days-of-the-week” thing) my little sister and I co-owned a concession stand at the Bingo games on Sunday Night at Our Lady Of Perpetual Help… …except we always called it “Our Lady Of Perpetual [...]

Remember back in the late 90′s when ABC held their “Viva Las Vegas” night, and there was a massive crossover with all their hit shows of the time, between “Coach” and “Ellen” and “Grace Under Fire” and “The Drew Carey Show”? Over the course of two hours you got to see separate episodes of all [...]

A good friend of mine who is a music composer (and his boyfriend, who is an animator) have been at the New York Television Festival this week… I got a text message from him on Saturday that said “Girl, I am fifteen feet away from Tabatha Coffey… THE one!” I immediately texted him back threatening [...]

In my tremendously exciting and stimulating day job as a Medicare D Claims Analyst / Adjuster (*snort*.. my job title has the word “anal” in it…) I am often forced to tackle projects with a “teammate” or “partner”. Sometimes this pairing is super-simpatico and the two of us spend our planning sessions eating Chex Mix [...]

After only two episodes of this show, I have fallen deeper in love with Tabatha Coffey than I already was before! What is it about searing criticism delivered with a foreign accent that makes it so much more palatable? I don’t know, but I, for one, find it incredibly fascinating… and I think the next [...]

When I was a wee lad just 15 years old, I told my mother that I wanted to “redecorate” my half of the horrible basement room I shared with my older brother. The people who had lived in our house before us had been extremely patriotic and had wallpapered the room in an eye-searingly hideous [...]

Hey there, Gasmii! It’s been a week now, and I’ve mostly recovered from the finale of Shear Genius and am dealing with my feelings regarding the outcome (i.e. with Lesbiana Dee winning the title of “Shear Genius”… and that’s great for her, I just feel like in her case it really should be called “Shear [...]

Have you ever met someone who so completely and utterly and pointlessly pushes every single irritation, aggravation and frustration button that you have ever been wired with, mostly all at the same time, and they are amazingly able to accomplish this just by opening their mouth?… …this is him… You’re all in for a real [...]

Heer we aaaa! I can’t believe that 10 weeks (and most of the summer) has flown by so damn fast! It seems like only yesterday we were being bullshitted by Motion Lotion Oshun, annoyed by Parker Poser the Prick, gay-baited by Straight Guy Matthew, entertained by Drag Queen Meredith, saddened by Emo Gail, prozac’ed by [...]

Welcome everyone! This is J-Mo, and I am the wacky fatboy nutjob who has been guiding the ‘gasm through the bitch-infested waters of Shear Genius Season 2 these past two months, which has been extremely rewarding (and sleep-depriving). I was actually a fan of Shear Genius from the beginning, and my absolute favorite stylestant on [...]

Have you ever been sitting there in your cubicle, staring at an Excel spreadsheet for six hours straight and typing in scads of teeny-tiny figures while the ass-kissing twats in your office yuk it up in the high-walled cube next to yours that contains your boss, skating their way out of doing any real work [...]